[Quick Eye]

let me just start off by saying im 21 my gf is 17 almost 18. weve been together for almost 3 years and my gf is almost 4 months pregnant. due date is around september 20th. now my problem is my gf.. i know she is hormonal/emotional/her life and body is forever changed yada yada(not to be a ****). for as long as me and my gf have dated shes never seemed the materialistic type or gold digger. shed always say she like something and id always offer to buy it for her. i dont shower her in gifts but i do try to buy her stuff now...and then. about a year or 2 ago i was working 12 hour shifts at my work 5-6-7days a weeks(it varied), i made great money and i wasnt around alot for 3 or 4 months i was usually to tired to really hold a conversation with her plus i was graveyard shift. so for christmas i bought her a $900 necklace from tiffany. nothing changed, she didnt start begging i buy her stuff or none of that. although the other week i tried talking to her about getting married. im like most guys, i cant read minds. so while talking to her about it she said we didnt have the money(she was thinking about an actual wedding while i meant just legally for now) i said about how we could do it cheap for now and her response was "an engagement ring is supposed to be about 3 months salary" and i told her most people dont have a kid on the way. needless to say the convesation ended there. now with that said, more on the situation. im currently going to trucking school, i plan to do OTR(being gone for 2-3 weeks) until next spring when i can apply for a dump truck or state job. my gf works once a week for her moms mary kay director, doing the desk work so to speak of mary kay and babysitting her 3 kids. she makes like 80-100 a week. shes "attempted" "if you will" to look for jobs in the past. but none "suited" her. now with a baby on the way she is refusing to look for a job "bc she doesnt want to get a job then take off for 3 months or so when the baby is born." if any of you fully grown adults then you and i are thinking the exact same thing after the last statement. now we have not view in breaking up. were actually perfect for the most part. although with a 3rd person in the mix everything becomes brain surgery. before she was ever pregnant we used to share our dreams of our future lives, id always joke around about how shed be a stay at home mom and blah blah. now we both know that is not possible yet she still hasnt even attempted to look for a job. she is the jealous type but its gotten to the point now where shes getting pissed bc one her friends apply for a job that she hasnt even picked up an application for. and about her friends. she just told me recently that now that she cant party shes got next to nothing in common with any of her friends. while awhile back a mutual friend of ours told me to be careful bc my gf told them that after the baby is born my gf thinks shell still be able to go out and party all the time. now maybe im just being overly sensitive and paranoid but if im gonna be working nonstop to support us while she sits around playing stay at home mom(just thought ill add my gf is one of the laziest person i know) and then go out and party while someone else babysits cuz im wokring all the time to pay all the bills, i have a MASSIVE F****** PROBLEM with that!!! keep going.. everything i have to say about our kid means nothing to her. no matter what it is. she acts like shes raised a kid before. its SOOOOO FRUSTERATING!!! now she knows im not gonna be around all the time after a few weeks and someone just told me earlier that my gf is getting annoyed with how much we talk and hang out cuz "she knows im gonna be around for the rest of her life" yet freaks out when i dont text her back right away. honestly im just getting tired of being the only one who cares about our lives.

I just dont know what to do. i mean if im working all the time and yet shes just sitting around spending my money and partying all the time i gotta leave her. i think.? idk what would you guys do? or recommend. my mind has been racing for 3 months now and i still feel lost and confused..

Whatever you do, don't fall into the "engagement ring is so many months salary" bs. I don't even have an engagement ring and guess what - it doesn't change a thing about my relationship. Well, aside from not being in debt over jewelry.

I suggest that you sit down with her and that both of you express your expectations. Ask her what she expects to happen for the rest of the pregnancy, and then when the baby is born. Is she planning to be a stay at home mom? Is she planning to make a career out of partying? Is she going to be responsible? Be explicit in your expectations for the relationship. It's acceptable that she'll need to get out once in a while, but if she is planning on making a serious habit of spending money that you've made for her own selfish reasons, that's not responsible. That's not being a mother or a fair partner to you.

You'd best both talk about this sooner rather than later.

[hannabee]

Okay I just read some background on you and I'm not very enthusiastic about this relationship. You both are ACTING too young to be parents! Babies are gifts and if you BOTH aren't going to put the baby first, then PLEASE find a couple who will.

[jadzea]

Being a stay at home mom is not being a lazy good for nothing. A baby takes a lot of time and attention. Add taking care of a house on top of those things and you have a full time, low paying job. Speaking of low paying, your GF would probably have to find a fairly high paying job to cover the cost of child care while she is working and still have money left over to help meet expenses. If all of her wages go to pay someone else to take care of your baby she may just as well stay at home and raise the child the way you want. It is true you will be working hard to make money to take care of your family but she will also be working hard to take care of your child and you.

[healingme4me]

But it sounds like she won't be doing all that ^^, from his pov.

Partying, after kids? I hear your concerns. You sound like you are creating a stable income.

Hearing from everyone, but her, is cause for alarm, in the same way is her talking to everyone, but you.

If the girl doesn't want a jp wedding, so be it. Don't need a written contract, right now, especially being uncertain.

But will say this, protect your fatherhood. If broken, up, have notarized visitation order.

Best of luck, how about couples counseling?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Wow. She sounds like a little pregnant Diva.

Going by what you say.

She's clearly too immature to be willing to understand finances.
She's whining about partying when she should be concerned about your relationship.
She really doesn't want to be a mom.

You are the responsible one. Sounds like you can choose to take care of only one child or learn to take care of two.

If it's the latter, then no, your relationship won't magically improve over time because you have a baby. Babies tend to really test relationship.....

Good luck.

[Rose76]

I feel sorry for the baby.

I just did the math. So, when you were 18, you got all involved with a girl who was 14. Isn't that against the law?

The both of you are in for some tough times. Your girlfriend's job, right now, should be getting through high school, if she hasn't already done so.

As to what you should do . . . maybe she should stay living with her parents, and you with yours. (At least, until you each finish growing up. That's not meant to offend you. It's simply what is true of the vast majority of people her age and your age. The baby needs to be in a home where there is an adult on the premises. hannabee's suggeston above is well worth considering, though I doubt either one of you will.)

[Quick Eye]

im not saying im perfect just so were all clear, i understand how she must feel atleast from a guys perspective it just seems like im trying alot harder to keep everything together while she could careless. and no i wasnt involved with a 14 year old? haha sorry i know its not much better but she was 15, i was friends with her best friend and assumed she was 16 until after we were seeing each other(i know that sounds really dumb)(i just wanted to clear that part up). most of what ive said is just spectulation since the baby aint even here yet. i also know that being a housewife/mom isnt easy but you have to keep in mind our situation. maybe im being over confident or whatever but i honestly dont see how cleaning the small amount of mess wed produce with 1 child, her, and me working constantly(i dont wanna work as much as im going to but im thinking of the future) is all that hard especially in a small apartment. im not expecting everything to be flawless from her end, i just honestly dont see her matching up with my end of things with out a constant kick in the arse. without any more bashing, shes the type of girl that if it dont happen right now then give up, but going out partying while i bust my ***** while our families watch our kid is BS(btw if any of you disagree dont post here, thanks). i agree with one of you were both too imature as of right now, that happens when youre young and unexpected, i could be wrong? although i do feel im more mature on all of this then my gf. im thinking 100 miles further while shes only thinking maybe 10 miles down the road so to speak. i cant predict the future im just afraid of ending up like so many other people i know who work constantly and come home to a wrecked house bc the other just doesnt care. i almost feel like she doesnt realize everything thats learned just by observing someone(thats what children do?..right?) after thinking about it i guess my main reason for posting this is bc i dont know how to handle this. how to balance it all. how to prepare myself. how to get through to my gf. what to expect. how to do anything with this. i have friends that are dads but honestly i dont care for their opinions as i believe most of them are deadbeats and bums...which is why im here. i dont want me and my gf to break up if its workable. i just dont know how to go about any of this.

i dont want our relationship to fail and our child caught in the middle but at the same time the invisible line has to be drawn.

[Quick Eye]

we're both hs graduates. and your math is off but i didnt give exact numbers either just saying.

[Quick Eye]

thats why im here. i dont have a clue what im doing.

[Rose76]

You seem to have a poor opinion of this girl. I'm not hearing that there is much about her that would make anyone think too highly of her. Your opinion may reflect the reality of what she is about. It seems odd that you are even with her, when you don't seem to think well of her.

The baby is probably not going to improve things. You do have a real problem on you hands.