Have I wasted 14 years of my life?

Ok, first let me start with I'm bipolar, schizophrenia, have anxiety and ptsd. I was molested and abused from the time I was 5 til I was 16. I never got any help for this when I was younger and have always had issues with my past until about 5 years ago when I finally was able to start getting the help I needed. So anyways here is my problem now.
Me and the hubs have been married for 14 years. We have both been married before. Our first marriages only lasted about 1 year and we each had a child with our exes. My ex-hub used to work out of town and I told new hub that I didn't want him to get a job like that but he went to truck driving school. We had a fight one night and I ended up sleeping with an ex of mine. New hub and I decided that he was gonna go active duty and we moved away. The first time he deployed we had worked things out (at least I thought) anyways while he was gone he sleep with someone. While he was deployed I was raped by one of his soldiers that we thought was a friend. Hubs came home we worked things out and things have been great until about 6 months ago. Now he is a truck driver again and was on the road for about 4 months (coming home every 2 weeks for 2-3 days (which after having survived deployments for a year at a time) we was great and things were perfectly fine. Neither of us have cheated since the beginning of our marriage. The hubs got med boarded out of the army because of back injury and he's been trying to get disability for this since 2011. I can't work because of my issues and am trying to get on disability (those are whole different stories) anyways because of this I got behind on my child support for my son. I found out that because I was behind on child support I was gonna have to go to jail for four months. Once I found this out I started pulling away from everyone and everything, I became depressed and didn't want to live anymore. Me and the hubs quit having sex, we wasn't talking, when he was home on the weekends we didn't do anything except he would sit on his playstation and I stayed in the bed on my computer. We have a daughter and before this me and her would do lots of things together (such as go window shopping, go outside and take pictures, just lots of things) so anyways I went to jail and while in jail I barely talked to my hubs when him and our daughter came to visit on saturday he would talk for about 5 minutes and then our daughter would talk to the rest of the time. I ended up only spending 30 days in jail because we got some money and I was able to get caught up on my child support. while in jail I realized what I had been doing and vowed things would change once I got home. After getting out I thought things would be great but me and the hubs still wasn't having sex, or talking (while I was in jail he got a job to where he is now home everynight) so anyways one night he went to get our daughter from school after a basketball game and he forgot his phone. it went off so I looked to see what it was about and I found that he had made an account for a sex site that he was looking for a female that is divorced for a no strings attached relationship. He also had made a new email account to use for these match making accounts. I didn't ask him about it at the time I just let it fester for about a month. finally one night I broke down and I asked him about it and he said that he had made them before I went to jail because we had been drifting apart and he felt that he would be better off with someone different. we talked and cried and worked things out once again (so I thought) things were great for awhile and now all of a sudden we are back to hardly any sex (he says it's because he is always tired when he comes home from work (he works 10/12 hours a day) we barely talk again. When he comes home from work he'll eat, sometimes take a shower, maybe watch tv or play on playstation or even go to bed. He makes sure not to leave his phone laying around where i can look at it, he still has it where any email that he gets for the new email name goes to his phone (i did see that a few days ago). I just don't know what to do or think anymore. Have I been stupid and wasted 14 years of my life with this person or is it all in my head and I'm being stupid for even thinking things are bad? I have asked him about counseling and he says that he thinks it would be best for us to go, does that mean he is gonna tell me that he has found someone new, that he wants an open marriage or even that he has never really loved me. I am just so lost. I'm not looking for pity by writing this I'm just venting mostly and would like some opinions on what is happening or what I should do. Sorry it's so long.

no, you are not being stupid for thinking things are bad. you are in a relationship where there is no communication, no intimacy, and there is cheating going on. things look pretty bleak. but this doesn't mean that you have wasted 14 years. he is willing to try counseling. that says something. you guys can start at ground zero and rebuild from a strong foundation committed not to make the same mistakes you have made in the past.. you have been through a lot together. it is worth a shot. take care