[thickntired]

Hi. Does anyone here have a partner that thinks it's all about you in the relationship? I tend to talk about things from AA or therapy & meds. So maybe it's my fault, but I do listen to all my husband's stuff about work or sports (boring). I'm on ssdi so it's not like I can exactly talk about my day in a working sense. My husband tells me he just goes day by day with me and my moods. He also throws around bs from years ago like my manic spending. I don't know it's just hard when I just got sober a year ago yet he still gets drunk sometimes. He also is European and in his area they didn't have shrinks. I just got out of the hospital, but came home thinking I was a burden and an inattentive wife. He just doesn't get me so I feel like I have to use a filter and act "normal" whatever the hello that entails.

Tnt

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[SeekerOfLife]

Have you and your h. been to any kind of counseling? I wish he would forgive you for your past struggles. And have some compassion for your present difficulties.

[healingme4me]

Maybe, your H could show a little support and learn about being the spouse of a recovering alcoholic through a support group, such as Al-Anon?

[thickntired]

Hi. Yes, but counseling actually made things worse in certain aspects. I confronted him on his past verbal abuse when he's drunk and that stopped. What drove a wedge between us is the therapist brought up my past molestation. It really hurt our sex life. He will just say I know you don't want it when I bring up the subject. Then I gained like 50lbs from meds and quitting smoking, so yeah I don't want sex bc I feel fat : /
I'm working on getting the weight off and I'm on a good med for ptsd and off the meds that killed my libido. I honestly believe that most men wouldn't have the patience or commitment to stick with me through all the wackiness. So for that I am grateful.
Thank you for your reply ♥

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I think when we are in our episodes we do become self absorbed. Its almost like we have to be. I felt it during my last depression, I had to become numb and very quiet to get through it.

As far as counseling, my H and I have gone a few times to different ones. Some results weren't as good as others, I think you need to keep trying at least til you get to a more reasonable place in your relationship. I realized I needed to let go of my anger against him in order for me to both feel better mentally and feel better when I'm near him. He's learned a little more about my illness and is a little more relaxed regarding my behaviors during episodes. Its not great but its livable. I would suggest not giving up on couples counseling. Next time might be the charm.

[thickntired]

Thank you emomom. I think once my meds are better and I've reached a healthier mind set giving it another go might bring us closer.

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