[evienjon]

My husband of 13 years started drinking @ an early age. I've accepted that about him because I thought that he had no choice because his entire family drink like fishes. A year ago, he started to drink hard liquor and gradually started to draw away. Things got out of hand, he became disturbing and his attitude changed. After a rage that was witnessed by his parents, he said he would quit. We had just sold our first home and moving into our second home so we thought, "we'll start over." During his surprise 30th bday that I threw for him, he got so drunk, he was picking up girls in front of my face and his family. I thought, this is it. I gave him an ultimatum that if he wants to keep his family, he would have to give up drinking because it's gotten out of hand. He agreed and profusely apologized for his actions. We moved into our new home, nice and happy, content and excited. 6 months later, I found out he's drinking again. I love this man but I cannot live like this. I finally told him the other day that I need a few days to figure out what I'm going to do but that I am done giving him chances throughout the 13 yrs we've been together. (including drugs in the past) My mind tells me to leave him because he'll never give up alchohol and I'll end up feeling like crap again AND he's not going to believe anything I say. My heart says that if I love him, I would be willing to accept him for who he is. He's been acting like a jerk lately and frankly, I'm scared of my fugure as well as my children's. He's a very good provider (financially) and I know that we're going to have a hard time without him. I love him dearly - he's the only one I've ever loved and been with. Help. I don't know what to do. He's adamant that he's not an alchoholic because he doesn't drink everyday, etc., etc. But why is it that someone isn't able to stop drinking if he's not an alchoholic? With your family on the line, you're not able to give it up? That's the most painful of all. He's such a great dad, he isn't abusive towards us and he's a good person. But his drinking is truly driving me away. I feel so depressed because I don't want to tell any of our friends or family because I don't want to humiliate him. His family doesn't see anything wrong because they all drink like him. The women in his family just choose to accept that their husbands are like that and that they won't change. I don't want to pass on to my children what his dad and grandpa passed on to him. Pls help me.

[dexter]

>> 6 months later, I found out he's drinking again.

If he had been drinking secretly and trying to keep you from knowing it, then, bingo, he is an alcoholic.

He has to stop promising you that he will stop drinking and start promising himself that he will stop.

If he is not going to accept serious help with this, you will have to consider your future. If it gets bad, money and security aren't worth living in fear and anger, in my opinion.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[(JD)]

welcome evianjon well, how about some tough love? Separate. Tell him it's temporary if he realizes REGARDLESS of the past, of any excuses, etc. he has to quit drinking. See how much he loves you and the children now.

As it is, you are enabling him to drink. Why not attend AA yourself and get the support you need for that tough love? good wishes. be safe

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