[ChrisUk87]

Hey everyone!!

First post n its a bit depressing im sorry in advance lol!!

Met this girl about 16 months ago n everything was mint, we hit it off amazingly n spent months together, after 4 months we decided to try for a kid, i know it sounds crazy but it felt right.We were also looking for houses as we both had our own homes but they were way too small for both of us.I was a chronic cannabis smoker of 9 years, but i decided to give it up to save money for the house n kid.Big mistake.Never looked into withdrawals and they hit me big time, anxiety, paranioa, sweats, insomnia.I was literally going mad.I worked thru it for 3 months and still attended work.I never seen a doctor in this time but it got to a point 3 months down the line where i had to, he said it was typical and gave me beta-blockers and zoloft to try ease the symptoms and signed me off work for 4 weeks (big mistake).It just gave me more time to feed my anxiety sitting about doing nothing and i kept getting worse and worse.After countless visits to the doctors and different meds nothing worked and i kept getting worse.He keeps signing me off work and trying new meds but nothing was working.It was definitely straining our relationship, me sitting about riddled with anxiety while she was working.I was getting paid n my work were understanding at the start.3 months went passed on the sick and i made an appointment at the local mental health unit.I was scared id went into psychosis or something crazy like that, i turned into a total hypocondriac.They assured me i was fine n it was just a phase, this was in August last year.Every time i was mean to go back to work i just freaked out and couldnt go, i ended up losing my job over it in september.We had just moved into a house together and that was the last straw for her.Tearfully she said i had to get sorted and i went to my fathers house.I was devastated.I went to the doc and told him id lost my job and he then put me on citalopram.All these meds n i kept getting worse.2 weeks later she broke up with me, i didnt take it well.Id gave up my own home, lost my job n now lost her all because of trying to better our lifes.We kept in contact and in december i started feeling alot better, i was working with her dad doing casual work n i definitely noticed a difference and so did she.On new years eve she said she still loved me but i had too get a full time job n sort myself out.Understandble i know but i was sleeping on my Mums couch, it was killing me.After new year she became distant and we hardly seen each other at all.I knew something was going on.At the beginning of march she called me n told me she was going to milan and had something to tell me, she met someone else and she was pregnant with his kid.I couldnt deal with it.I went straight to the doctors and told him i cant do it anymore, now i was on valium.3 weeks later she told me she was engaged n i just broke down.I honestly think iv had some sort of breakdown.All my symptoms from the start have came back, im riddled with anxiety, i cant think straight anymore n im depressed as ****.Iv got an appointment on the 15th with the mental health unit and im considering going into hospital.Has anyone had any experiences with them?? Im scared but i wish i done it sooner tbh.I just cant go on like this n im scared im like this for life.Im totally agrophobic, lost all my mates because i tried to keep away from the drug game.Shes moved on with her life n im trying to put mine back together.Shes the biggest mistake in my life without a doubt, i just dont know how someone can do this to someone.I might sound bitter but no wonder.She spent time in a hospital for self-harming and depression as a teenager, i told her id get through this for us.But she gave up.N ive gave up.Everyone says at least youve kicked the habit but im not even 30% of who i used too be.

Has anyone overcame something like this?? All i think about is what i could have done.I feel helpless man n its killing me.

Sorry for the rant just looking for some advice and opinions

[hvert]

I'm sorry you are going through this -- it sounds really painful. As awful as it is, it actually sounds like you really are making some moves that are going to improve your life. You had a major setback when you tried to quit weed, but in the long run, that could make a huge difference in improving your quality of life, once you get over the rotten part.

I'm sorry if I sound like your other friends who are saying 'at least you've kicked the habit.' It's true, though, that when you kick a habit or make a huge lifestyle change, things can really turn to crap for a while -- but when you come out the other end and look back, you'll be happy you had the strength to push forward. It's a pretty huge thing to accomplish, especially starting off on your own like that.

Good luck with your appointment.

[ChrisUk87]

Thanks for the reply!! It's just annoying as everything has totally turned 360 and bit me.I loved my job n where I was in life when I quit!! I was at the best place I've even been.It took me four years too get where I was in my job and getting my own home.I miss it, my days are just filled with regrets these days.I hope this isn't permanant because I don't think I can last much longer.The brain fog, DP and anxiety is killing me, nothing seems too help hence the appointment, I just need too get away from everything for a while.Just when you think your getting somewhere something comes along and sets you back.Thanks again

[hvert]

Is there any chance of getting your old job back? Or a referral to a similar job for a different company? Maybe if you explained that you had a medical issue that's now been resolved, they would rehire you... but, yeah -- that feeling sucks.

Maybe a week or month long backpacking trip would help, if that's your sort of thing

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by ChrisUk87

Hey everyone!!

First post n its a bit depressing im sorry in advance lol!!

Met this girl about 16 months ago n everything was mint, we hit it off amazingly n spent months together, after 4 months we decided to try for a kid, i know it sounds crazy but it felt right.We were also looking for houses as we both had our own homes but they were way too small for both of us.I was a chronic cannabis smoker of 9 years, but i decided to give it up to save money for the house n kid.Big mistake.Never looked into withdrawals and they hit me big time, anxiety, paranioa, sweats, insomnia.I was literally going mad.I worked thru it for 3 months and still attended work.I never seen a doctor in this time but it got to a point 3 months down the line where i had to, he said it was typical and gave me beta-blockers and zoloft to try ease the symptoms and signed me off work for 4 weeks (big mistake).It just gave me more time to feed my anxiety sitting about doing nothing and i kept getting worse and worse.After countless visits to the doctors and different meds nothing worked and i kept getting worse.He keeps signing me off work and trying new meds but nothing was working.It was definitely straining our relationship, me sitting about riddled with anxiety while she was working.I was getting paid n my work were understanding at the start.3 months went passed on the sick and i made an appointment at the local mental health unit.I was scared id went into psychosis or something crazy like that, i turned into a total hypocondriac.They assured me i was fine n it was just a phase, this was in August last year.Every time i was mean to go back to work i just freaked out and couldnt go, i ended up losing my job over it in september.We had just moved into a house together and that was the last straw for her.Tearfully she said i had to get sorted and i went to my fathers house.I was devastated.I went to the doc and told him id lost my job and he then put me on citalopram.All these meds n i kept getting worse.2 weeks later she broke up with me, i didnt take it well.Id gave up my own home, lost my job n now lost her all because of trying to better our lifes.We kept in contact and in december i started feeling alot better, i was working with her dad doing casual work n i definitely noticed a difference and so did she.On new years eve she said she still loved me but i had too get a full time job n sort myself out.Understandble i know but i was sleeping on my Mums couch, it was killing me.After new year she became distant and we hardly seen each other at all.I knew something was going on.At the beginning of march she called me n told me she was going to milan and had something to tell me, she met someone else and she was pregnant with his kid.I couldnt deal with it.I went straight to the doctors and told him i cant do it anymore, now i was on valium.3 weeks later she told me she was engaged n i just broke down.I honestly think iv had some sort of breakdown.All my symptoms from the start have came back, im riddled with anxiety, i cant think straight anymore n im depressed as ****.Iv got an appointment on the 15th with the mental health unit and im considering going into hospital.Has anyone had any experiences with them?? Im scared but i wish i done it sooner tbh.I just cant go on like this n im scared im like this for life.Im totally agrophobic, lost all my mates because i tried to keep away from the drug game.Shes moved on with her life n im trying to put mine back together.Shes the biggest mistake in my life without a doubt, i just dont know how someone can do this to someone.I might sound bitter but no wonder.She spent time in a hospital for self-harming and depression as a teenager, i told her id get through this for us.But she gave up.N ive gave up.Everyone says at least youve kicked the habit but im not even 30% of who i used too be.

Has anyone overcame something like this?? All i think about is what i could have done.I feel helpless man n its killing me.

Sorry for the rant just looking for some advice and opinions

first of all let me say this, i think the two of you moved waay too fast.
to try for a kid after you only knew her for four months was a huge mistake...but i believe it will turn into a blessing in disguise. for this woman to jump into another relationship, get pregnant and engaged this quickly is a huge mistake, she didn't really know you..you didn't really know her she doesn't really know him and everybody wants to jump up and get married.

a lot of times people get married just to say they are married, or all their friends are married, or their parents say they need to hurry up and get married. in reality you need to be with someone and really get to know them
before you get married and before you have kids, if the relationship goes south you can't just wish the kids back like they never happened. IMHO you need to live with and be with someone for at least 3 yrs before you consider getting married and should be financially able to continue living the lifestyle you are at the present without strain. without those parameters it should be a no go. you have to give all the skeletons time to come out of the closet!

in all likelyhood if they do go through with this marriage it will probably fail,
she's is going after marriage for the wrong reasons, she just wants to say she's married. now if you guys were ready, financially you would not have had to quit the cannibis, in many places it is now legal & considered medicinal
and i imagine far better for you then the chemicals in that valium they have prescribed to you. and possibly you guys would still be together..maybe, maybe not.

you can put your life back together, it won't be easy...but it can be done
don't give up hope, it's one day at a time. one day you will look back on this and say it was able to make you stronger..hang in there

[ChrisUk87]

Thanks for the replies.To the first post, my work knew the situation regarding what i was going through, they stuck by me for 3 months but it got to a point where they couldnt go on waiting anymore, i was full time and well regarded in the place, they never usually stick by people as they can get someone in thats capable of doing my job.I just couldnt bring myself too go back, the anxiety was crippling me.I wish i never got signed off because i worked through the first 3 months and definitely seen an improvement but the doctor said i needed 4 weeks off to get used too the medication, which didnt work and just gave me more time to fuel my anxiety.I am in no position too work right now, im still crippled by anxiety and iv basically totally broke down, im currently fighting off panic attacks, depersonalisation and everything that goes with it.Im scared iv went into psychosis or some other type of disorder.Hence the appointment on the 15th.

Second poster, i totally agree.At the time it felt right, i did know this girl from school as we dated then but one drunken night i texted her and we arranged too meet.It just felt right and i cant believe i never looked into withdrawals etc.I grew, sold n smoked weed for 9 years constant, and since i worked there wasnt one night i didnt go without smoking, that was about 2 years solid.Tbh i ended up worse off financially because i did sell cannabis but i got too a point in my life, 26 years old, i didnt want too be a dealer/stoner anymore.Id met a girl who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i know now it was stupid too stop.I miss it but i know for a fact i cant smoke it again, cos when we split i did try again and thats an experience i never want to go through again,i totally freaked out and it took me days too recover.I definitely agree on your marriage part, tbh i just think she wanted a kid and a ring on her finger, because although she did stick by me for the first couple of months, she just kept saying everythings been about me n im selfish.****, my life was falling apart in front of me, id just lost my job which i loved, i gave up my own home too move into a home with her, which took me years too get.I just thought if your willing to make a commitment to someone regarding having a kid, then surely youd stick by them when the going gets tough, i kno for a fact if she went through what i went through i would have stuck by her 110%, but thats just me.Her friends definitely had an influence on her decision, they said I was taking the "piss" out her.She kept bringing this up.When she phoned and told me she was pregnant with this other dude she said if she knew how bad it was things could have been different lol i think that was just her guilty concience kicking in.She knew how bad i was struggling, i was at the doctor every second week, i broke down at one point n told her i needed to go into hospital.I made an appointment with the localy health centre and they said it would pass which gave me a slight boost.But once i lost my job that was it for her, I was out.Jobless, homeless, alienated my mates too get away from the drug scene.I definitely did get somehwere at xmas but she said she loved me but wanted to be single because of everything i put her through lol.This coming from the girl whos still got everything she started with and the home we moved into while im sleeping on my mums couch at 26.

What else can i say, shes ruined me without a doubt, if i was still working and still felt the same I did when i was smoking id be laughing at her n realising she just wanted one thing, a stable relationship, a ring and a kid.But when you wake up every morning with nothing to get up for, crippled with anxiety n depression, lost everything your worked 4 years too get, the feelings a bit different.

If i could go back, i wouldnt have got involved in the first place but thats just natural.

People say your learn from your mistakes, n she was certainly one.

If i get back to stability and get through this, itll be the biggest thing ive ever done.

Right now it doesnt look like it though, hence the appointment.

Thanks again.