Not ready for dating

So, today hasn't been a good day for me at all. Everything's coming down on me at once, but I'm jut going to briefly address one issue here.

I finally managed to snag myself a date, and it had seemed to go really well. We were out half the day, which is way longer than I even expected, and at the end of the day we hugged and said we would do this again. His voice sounded sincere, and I could've sworn his heart was beating fast. Before our date, he had texted at least a good morning every single day, even if I hadn't felt up to replying the day before. Now, nothing. Not online, not by text, nothing. With everything else bogging me down, I called my therapist and vented, and she ultimately said that dating right now is a really bad idea for me.

I understand that, because I'm not sure what I'll do if this happens again, though there's another guy I've been talking to whom I like even more than this one whom apparently disappeared on me. We have a lot in common and he seems to share some of my same ideals regarding sex. I'm just worried now I don't know what to do relationship wise, even on a friendship level. My social development...well, let's just say that I'm almost 21, but my social skills aren't at all on par with it. I'm just getting started, just learning what to do. And I'll be honest that I'm completely lost when it comes to this. All I can do is be myself and hope that someone appreciates me for it. I have had guys who listened to me and loved me even when they knew I was depressed, and I will forever be thankful to them. But in general, I feel a growing resentment towards guys, especially because of the generalizing statements I have to hear about them from my aunt. She thinks that being a guy is a justified reason to not be an attentive listener, to have a raging sex drive that ruins relationships, etc. I keep saying that not ALL guys are like that and that just because you're a GUY isn't an excuse, it's just the person you decided to be. I used to be an extremely different person than I am now, in some ways good, in some ways bad. I have chosen to change, and hard as it's been, I'm making progress and I won't stop until I am the person I wish to be. There are men who have a softer side, women who have a harder side, so I'm just honestly done with the whole gender issue. I'm tired of hearing about it. But nevertheless, it scares me into thinking that I'll never find a guy who'll treat me well, who doesn't use his gender as an excuse for what he does wrong. Then again, it doesn't surprise me when people (like my aunt) always give them excuses to do what they do "because it's in their nature" instead of making them own up to their crap regardless. People always tell me "that's just the way it is". Really? I guess we should've said that with everything else going on in the world. It was wrong, but hey, that's the way it was so why do anything about it? How about not giving men an excuse to objectify women and practically putting them on a pedestal for being players and then turning right around and criticizing a woman who does the same thing?

This, of course, leads me to my confusions with my sexuality. I haven't had a real chance to explore it, and I'm terrified to because of the social reprocussions that, for all I know, could end my life because of a hate crime. But I'm attracted to girls. I blush when I see attractive girls just as I do with guys, and I wouldn't mind dating one because I feel we'd have a lot more in common, since apparently there's SUCH a HUGE difference between men and women that MUST be maintained, lest the world come to ruin. I'm going to a convention in April which might give me a good opportunity to...peruse my options of the same sex, so to speak, but I'm just really scared and disheartened over all of it. Is dating really that complicated? I guess I'm living in a dream world, I have all of my life. And if I'm not to be granted some sort of romantic happiness before I die, since my depression is too much of a road block and apparently makes it impossible for me to be loved, then so be it I guess. But it's nothing that I would ever choose.

i would say try not to rush it, but at the same time feel free to exploring your options, discovering your sexuality and what you like and don't like is a good thing. i have a lot of experience dating and i'm a guy so perhaps i can give you a little perspective and be unbiased at the same time ( not saying you are, just don't want you to think because i'm a guy i will offer a biased opinion
..which of course won't help the matter). dating is a lot like a crap shoot, a lot of times you're gonna roll snake eyes or crap out & you will go through a lot of people, some of them you'll like, others not so much. everyone is looking for something different..so try not to take it personal if a guy doesn't call back, text or whatever. your aunt may have had a lot of bad experiences with guys and gave up and formed her own opinion based on what she has been through. but in life and in relationships we have to fight our own battles. all guys aren't bad nor are all women. i have had horrible relationships where women have played mind games with me, cheated on me, used me for money and worse..does that make all women bad,no. i love women an always will despite the things i have been through. i look at it as a learning experience and discovering what i want and don't want in a woman. it takes time to find the right person for you, the more picky you are, the more time it's going to take & that's not a bad thing because you shouldn't have to settle just so you are not alone. i wouldn't expect perfection from anyone..so you shouldn't either, but maybe you could make a list of qualities you are looking for in a guy and a list of deal breakers and have fun with it ( and if your heart desires
same list with women,too) you'll find romantic happiness during your lifetime, i believe everyone does..the trick is to make it last! so to answer your question " is dating that complicated" my best answer is it can be, especially if you don't have an idea of what you are looking for. don't lose heart my friend, all men aren't players and in reality most don't want to be..sometimes guys get hurt and don't take heartbreak very well so the decide they are not going to let a woman get close to them again so decide to have many lady friends to avoid getting too close, other times some guys think it's "cool" every guy and his story is different, there are no easy answers on that one an if you haven't been hurt in love unfortunately unless you are really lucky, you will be. a lot of the "huge difference" between men and women is mainly portrayed by the media & i don't buy into it. at the end of the day i believe most people just want the same thing..to be loved and be able to give love, to be treated fairly and their wants and desires met, to be happy. contrary to what society would have you believe, there are a LOT of good guys out here, now finding them is the kicker & i'm sure there are a lot of good women out here too. the problem is the bad apples are a lot easier to find because they are more aggressive because they have an agenda( whether it's a guy that only wants a woman for sex or a woman that only wants a guy for his money) these people know what to do and say to get what they want, dating is a minefield i'll tell you that, best thing i can tell you is have an idea of what you what and sift through the prospects till you find what you need..if this helped at all awesome & if you need any more insight on dating & the like feel free to pm me anytime and good luck out there! don't give up, you'll find someone & when you do it will be worth the wait

Can I just say I feel exactly the same with you I have not been happy in terms of relationship life style and I do highly think I'm a bisexual which I'm OK with but yea I feel the same I hope there's someone waiting for me

Sent from my GT-I9197 using Tapatalk

@tryingtosurvive Thank you for your words of advice, it's especially helpful knowing that this came from a guy's perspective. I have some guy friends who challenge that stereotype that's always thrust in my face, so it's not like I hate guys as a whole, I'm just...very nervous as to what could happen. I was talking to my aunt yesterday about this other guy I like, who shares a lot in common with me, and she literally said that even though he was a lot like me, just remember that he's a man and I'm a woman. She just makes such a big DEAL about it that it makes me sick to my stomach. Like what, does she think I'm gonna try to dress him up in a pink tutu, or that if he actually LISTENS to what I say and doesn't have a raging sex drive then something's wrong with them? -.- *breathes* I swear...but again, thank you very much. These experiences can be very disheartening, but I guess one day I'll be able to just pick myself up and move on.

@p_1994 Thank you for relating to me, I'm sorry you haven't been happy and I hope that you find happiness and love, I'm sure you will

i will say this, idk if your aunt is the best person to be talking to about these guys you are interested in, you may want to find someone whom can be un biased that you trust, if you had a brother that could be really good or someone else close to you( a best friend, really good friend) i know she is trying to protect you and not see you hurt & means well..but it seems she thinks every guy is a snake in the grass, if you have no one to talk to you can really trust, trust your gut, go with your intuition..in my experience a woman's intuation is rarely wrong, you just have to learn to listen to it, guys do like to have sex, but so do women. the media would have you believe that women don't enjoy sex as much as us guys do & until a few years ago, they had me fooled too! fortunately i have several ex girlfriends that i'am still really good friends with that have done wonders helping me understand a great many things about women,relationships and keeping a woman happy. the best thing you can do with these guys is be open and honest about your expectations, have an adult conversation with them while dating..some things probably shouldn't be brought up on the very first date, but feel them out. some guys are out to "hit and run" others do want a sincere stable relationship. let things happen naturally, if a guy is pressing hard for sex on the first date, that's likely all he wants. when things happen naturally, you'll know it. that doesn't necessarily mean if you chose to have sex with a guy on the first date he's gonna run, but the process and how it came about, people give off clues as to how they are all the time. if this one guy shares a lot in common with you, maybe you guys could do some common activities that you both enjoy together and see how things go from there..most importantly have fun & enjoy yourself & don't play any games, guys hate head games and you might have a good one & don't want to blow it! good luck!

I so hope same for you as it is really really hard to not have anyone to love in a relationship form especially when all your friends,peers,Co workers etc have someone to love and care for and some of them even rub it in without realizing it and that is really really hard for me myself but anyways. I do hope you do find your special someone lots of much love

Sent from my GT-I9197 using Tapatalk