Selfish?

'Partner' is being distant with me today... In going through a hard time and told him about 2 week ago I wanted some time on my own whilst I recovered from some issues, now he getting all pissy that I'm spending time by myself! He hurt me a few week ago and I ended up turning to drugs again as an after effect of the anxiety I was experiencing. So I cut ties with people for a while whilst I sorted myself out, as I didn't want anything to influence me getting better. Is this selfish of me? He's making me believe so!

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For what it's worth, I don't think it's selfish of you at all. We all need a bit of space to regroup or reconnect with ourselves, whether we're having a bad week or a banner week. If he's trying to make you feel selfish, then just accept he has self-esteem issues.

I am concerned by your comment that he 'hurt' you...was that physically? If he's being abusive in that way particularly, I believe you should distance yourself from him on a more permanent basis; hurting you emotionally isn't much better. In either case, along with sorting yourself out, I suggest you sort out your relationship with your 'partner' as well. Abusing drugs because he hurt you is obviously not healthy, and you deserve better.

Take care.

Thank you for your reply, it's always very helpful for me to have an outside perspective!

I've only just realised how brief I was let me explain a bit more.

My partner can be very emotionally abusive, although he denies it. He ruined Mother's Day (for the third year running!) this year by having me in tears because I didn't wash the pots up and the house was a bit of a mess. He ignored me all day in front of his family and then carried on giving me the silent treatment for 2 days afterwards. He knows I can't stand it. My anxiety was so bad, it affected my work and my sleep and I turned to the painkillers (I have a dependency on them which I'm currently receiving help for) again.

I know that I ultimately control my emotions and only I can hurt myself by letting others influence me etc, but this is exactly why I said I wanted some time on y own in the first place!

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Its not selfish at all to take some space for yourself.

Is it selfish towards my partner though? If I take time out then he does too. Seperate beds, no kissing etc I'm emotionally unavailable. Is it fair to put someone through that?

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There is a HUGE difference between 'taking time out' for yourself to get your head together and the silent treatment, especially if he puts you through it for days, much less hours. I have been on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and I'm strongly suggesting...I mean STRONGLY suggesting, that in the time you're taking to figure out where your going or where you are.....you also figure out how to dump this guy; if you still want to make it work, then maybe counselling for both of you would be helpful.

Personally, if he's emotionally abusive and uses the silent treatment to control you (and that is exactly what he's doing) I don't see him changing, or even wanting to consider changing.

Again, you take care of you....he sounds like a petulant little boy when confronted with something he doesn't want. Just like my ex. It took a lot for me to see it, and it wasn't until months after the break-up that I realised what he was putting me through all those years. I would never put up with it again, and know now exactly what 'it' looks like.

Take care

I'm not sure it is a good idea to cut ties with a "partner" that long. With partners, you work things out, that's what the term means to me. Otherwise, it's like having a friend who isn't :-)