Am I in an abusive relationship?

I've scoured the web to try and find answers, but my boyfriend doesn't necessarily fit all of the "signs" tied to an abusive boyfriend. When he says something that hurts my feelings, I try to communicate with him and he typically snaps on me. He seems to go from 0-60. Last night he got physical with me. He didn't hit me or beat me, but he did grabbed me and did a bear hug while I was yelling "you're hurting me." Is this considered physical abuse even though he doesn't hit me?

When I tell him about things that hurt my feelings he tells me to "pick and choose" my battles and tells me that he is sick of me starting arguments. I no longer feel like I can tell him when things are bothering me, I have become afraid of him. Our arguments have escalated to the point where he tells me to "shut the **** up", calls me a *****, punches walls, throws things, threatens to break things if I don't listen. He tells me that it's my fault because I push him to this point. I know in the past I would be more argumentative, but lately I really do try and be very aware of how I word things, but he still goes into a rage. I feel like I am trying to be calm, but I still cause him to go into these moments of rage.

He doesn't try to control me and my time. He allows me to have my freedoms and doesn't isolate me from my family. He is also a very loving boyfriend when he isn't mad at me.

I love him so much, I'm not sure what I should do. I think I just need answers on whether or not this is considered abuse. If it is, then I really do think I need to get out before it escalates any further.

I think your partner is: passive aggressive
check this link it will answer a lot of your questions
Is Passive Aggressive Behavior a Form of Domestic Abuse?

Is what he's doing abusive? YES. It is. Being physical with you in any way that hurts you is abusive. So is the 'silent treatment' ...if you're afraid of him, he's abusing you whether emotionally, physically or both.

If you feel like you're walking on eggshells because he seems to get angry with you so much, and he blames you for it, he's emotionally abusing you. I have no doubt he CAN be nice when he feels like it, or when he believes it is advantageous for him to the situation. Abusers aren't always abusing...if they were, women (and men) wouldn't fall for them. The fact is, you miss the man he presented to you when you first met...but trust me, that man was never there. He was created to 'win' you....and once he became unnecessary to keep you, he was dropped like a mask.

This is your boyfriend. The one you see now, the one that scares you. I would suggest counselling but....if it's gone this far ... I doubt it will help. If you just need to know if he's abusing you, with what you describe, so you can find the courage to leave him....the answer is...."I'm sorry, but YES."

That's all I would consider. I don't think you want to be around someone like that? Doesn't matter if he is "officially" abusive or whose "fault" something is, you are afraid so don't be there, there's nothing positive to gain.

Punching walls, near you, breaking things, physically restraining you(bear hug), sound like abuse.

While researching the 'net, are you looking for proof it is, or proof that it isn't?

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he sounds dangerous to me.
at what point do you become the wall he is punching?
at what point to you become the thing he breaks?
at what point does the bear hug become a death grip?

if i were you i would get out while you still can.

i know that's probably not what you want to hear, but i'm a guy
and i firmly believe any type of violence towards a woman is unacceptable.
there are other guys out here that feel the same way.
you don't need this, escape before you get hurt, good luck!

Do you want to spend the rest of your life living with a man with this type of temper? It doesn't matter if it is abuse or not. It is a bad relationship and your life will be miserable if you stay with him. Think of how children will feel having a father that is that reactive and mean. Your deserve to be treated better than this. Go out and find someone who will do it.