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#1
Apr 18, 2014, 07:24 AM
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I find that I have friends that I like to see in certain contexts but not in others. For instance, I might want to go hiking with a friend or to an art exhibit, but our coffee dates bore me to death. When my friend invites me out for coffee, I can suggest that we go for a walk instead... but if she says no, then what? I can't say I'm busy because I already said I was free for a walk.
I am having trouble navigating this. I suggested getting together for a hike sometime soon and she responded that she could meet for coffee next week. I am not sure how normal people deal with these situations. I am pretty sure they don't overthink them the way I do! |
 LaborIntensive
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#2
Apr 18, 2014, 08:36 AM
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I have one friend that I only have lunch with, and another whom I only have lunch with, done to a movie and, lately, we go to visit a mutual friend in a physical rehab place. I like short activities because otherwise I feel too overwhelmed.
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 LaborIntensive
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#3
Apr 18, 2014, 08:44 AM
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I'm glad I'm not the only one! I never know how to react when a friend I've always just done X with suddenly wants to do Y instead. I agree to Y once or twice, and the next thing I know, our friendship is now revolving around Y, which I don't really like.
I'm also having an issue because what was a one-on-one morning walk is now a 3 person group coffee date. I don't really like the third person. |
| LaborIntensive
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#4
Apr 18, 2014, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
some that we do things on a professional level only and others more personal. i think everbody does? don't they, or no?
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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#5
Apr 18, 2014, 09:08 AM
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What do you do when one of your friends tries to cross categories and you don't want them to? Like if a professional friend wants to get more personal or a drinking buddy wants to start getting together for lunches?
I am trying to stop myself from doing stuff I don't want to do just to go along and be nice, but I fight myself every step of the way. |
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#6
Apr 19, 2014, 11:09 AM
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I'd be glad that anybody wants to do anything with me.
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#7
Apr 19, 2014, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#8
Apr 19, 2014, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#9
Apr 20, 2014, 06:50 AM
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Brainhi, that is it! I will never enjoy eating lunch in a diner, but I agree to go just to be friendly, I get frustrated with myself. I think I will memorize some of those sentences so I can get them out immediately and not have to think about how I will respond. It all seems very simple but for some reason is hard for me to implement. I worry about other people being offended, but it's silly -- if I ask someone to do something and they say they don't like to do X, then I am not offended.
Maria, I would be glad to give you some of these friends  Do you like diners and movies?
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| brainhi
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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