[Montuckygal]

Are there really men who actually keep nurturing the relationship AFTER they've "settled in"? Or are most of them only able to be affectionate and interesting in the beginning? Just how emotionally in touch is the male gender really? This isn't meant to be a slam on men, I'm just curious if I should just give up now.

[kaliope]

im sure they are out there...its just a matter of finding them...lol

[healingme4me]

They exist. Some need a little prodding. Have you expressed what your unmet needs are, to your man?

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[PianogirlPlays]

I sometimes think it takes a third party to help explain things to them.

[gloamingone]

In my experience, all men stop trying once they think they have you. Even if you are straight with them about your unmet needs, they'll improve briefly, but then they'll go back to their old ways. Everyone says there are men out there who aren't like that, but I don't know any.

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[Confusedinomicon]

My SO is actually more receptive towards my needs then I am to his although he isn't always big on touch.

I have found that I have more bad habits then him, and not listening is one of them. It's a work in progress, though.

[Perna]

Mine is still going strong after being married 25 years this September (engagement date, Memorial Day 1989). I get a hot breakfast delivered to my table here every morning, a bottom pat before I go to bed each night, and lots of shared laughter/jokes. He made the mistake 10-15 years ago of saying he has a hard time saying "No" to me and I try not to abuse that too much

[bixkf]

I guess it depends on where one was in their life when the relationship started and where one is after the years passed. I personally was relatively inexperienced at many things in life before I met my wife. I had only ever had one boyfriend and three girlfriends before my wife, and the boyfriend lasted ten times longer than the three girlfriends combined.

All that to say that my wife did not expect a lot from me in my 20's. She decided everything, initiated everything...lead the way in life, so to speak. We've been together 18+ years now and we are severely limited in intimacy. She expects me to be romantic to get her in the mood.

We've had long discussions on what she wants, but to tell you the truth...I don't think she knows. I've researched a lot from books and the web on what men do to be romantic with their wives. Additionally I've looked a lot at what wives want from their husbands in the way of romance.

The funny thing is I found out that I have been doing many of those "romantic" things already...but now she doesn't see them as romantic. Some examples:

- I used to bring her a cappucino and toast every morning until she slept in longer and they got cold. She told be to stop.
- I would tell her I love her and that she's beautiful regularly. She told be to stop as the words have no meaning any more.
- I talk with her about her...and I listen. I don't talk about me, I talk about her.
- I ask her to take walks, and hold hands. She says she doesn't like to hold hands because my hands are rough from eczema.
- I take her to dinner, but she only likes to go to one sushi restaurant and only on weekends (they have a better menu). So much for sponteneity!

Anyways, I have to figure out a way to bring it UP A LEVEL as a way to maintain our relationship. Not easy when I'm faced with a wife set in her ways and not a lot of experience in the ways of women.

"are there any men that... " Is such a generalization I find it quite limiting in your thinking. Obviously everyone is an individual and there are men that are good in relationships and ones that are not. Asking this question is almost as stereotypical as asking if there are "any women out there that [ fill in your own behavior ] ?" Wouldn't be fair and kind of is writing off the entire gender as if they ALL behave one way or another.

It also makes it sound as if you assume you're doing right always and that is, if ever, rarely the case.

Obvious answer is yes. Whether you find one or not is a different thing altogether.

[Mike_J]

They exist, and I'm one of them, it was one of my ex-wife's big complaints, I was shocked to learn that during her pregnancy (high risk) she resented me for being overly nurturing