[gloamingone]

I've posted about my relationship's lack of sex before, but it's been awhile, and I'm about through.

We haven't had sex in almost six months. Other than that, and an almost 100% lack of physical contact, he's the most loving, caring, funny, smart, and compassionate man I've ever met!

I'm at a loss. If I end this, it means I'll be homeless, but what else can I do? This relationship is doomed, as sex in a relationship is very important to me. It almost seems harder to live without sex while you're sleeping next to your loved one than it would be to live without sex while single.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[yumi]

Could he have some sort of a fear of intimacy?

My 2nd husband did and sex with him was a disaster. Of course, it could be that he was just using me forother purposes....I'm at the point to where I think I will never know. I hired a PI to get to the truth, but he ripped me off. I kind of gave up and turned it over to God and let it go.

Anyway, some men do have a fear of intimacy. I'm not sure what the cause is, but it is a battle that is almost impossible to overcome without some kind of help. My ex was never willing to go to counceling, so ours was a doomed marriage in more ways than one.

It sounds like you do have it on your side that he is genuinely an awesome man other than the sex issues....perhaps gently asking him to explore the possibility of fear of intimacy and possible coumceling might be worth a shot. I sense that this relationship is salvageable. I hope things get better for you.

[LaborIntensive]

There are many men who cannot tell you what they want or need. I have known so many who are repressed both sexually and verbally. They will do whatever society tells them is normal even when internally they feel much different. I am not sure why this is and why the "heard-mentality" is so strong with most men.

All you can do is communicate your needs and his own so that you two can come to an understanding (if one is to be found). Have you discussed this over a dinner and probed him to see what he expects or what might be causing this to happen?

[Open Eyes]

(((gloamingone)))

There are disorders that people struggle with where they are repulsed by sex and touching. They can be very nice people in many other ways, but are just not comfortable with touching and loving. You can look it up, but I have met some members who struggle with this problem. It could be something that was just never diagnosed in your husband.

If he is not having affairs or active with others, is otherwise faithful to you, he might be Asexual, or Histonic, or schizoaffective just to name a few.

OE

[gloamingone]

We've talked about the lack of sex many times, and according to him, he's always been this way. He thinks it's because his parents had a very unphysical relationship, and his father in particular talked about sex like it was dirty.

My problem is, I've always been a very sexual person. In my opinion, sex is one of the things that separates a friendship from a relationship. Right now, we're just roommates who happen to sleep in the same bed. I'm still incredibly attracted to him, and laying next to him in bed is torture.

Each time we discuss this (about once a month) he says it's his problem, and he will work on it. He refuses to see a counselor and refuses to implement things MY therapist has suggested, like making time to cuddle. He says it feels too fake, so he won't even try.

Yes, there's always masturbation, but I'm getting really tired of that. I want to feel his arms around me again, but I don't think it's going to happen. We're just not compatible in that area. I'd settle for a couple times a month, even once a month, but given the length of time it's been and his unwillingness to do anything, I don't see it changing.

I'm laying on the bed crying right now, have been for the past hour. He's watching a movie in the living room. This is depressing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

I could never live like that.

Its not because sex is the be all and end all of every relationship, but because to many of us its where we get a huge chunk of our feelings of being intimate, connected, and wanted fullfilled... I could not live with someone who's not at all interested in those needs of mine.

Then I may as well live with my brother.

Sure I would probably change my tune if there were medical / physical issues, but this is an outright refusal, which to ME would be a dealbreaker. Because I would feel like I'm not important enough for him to even try.

I can't handle feeling rejected, and if I were in your shoes I would be feeling perpetually rejected. That would mentally destablize me in no time!

Idk how you do it, honest.
Sure of course loving him helps you stay, but at what cost?

For me? Not a price I could afford to pay, it would impact me negatively on wayyy too many levels for me to be able to come out healthy.

So the point of my ramble?

Time to do a benefit/cost analysis
See if no sex is something you could eventually get used to with minimal repercussion.

Because at the moment you've been trying to get it all this time, not trying to accept its not gonna happen...

Then check if all his other good qualities can more than make up for the lack of intimacy...

Then you calculate it...

[gloamingone]

I've decided it's NOT worth it to stay. My problem now is to find a job when I'm not ready to work yet and to find another place to live. :-(

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Awww, I'm sorry an otherwise good relationship has to go, but like you say, its not worth it, and its not in your best interest to rob yourself blind.

I know what you mean about the job thing I find myself in a pretty similar predicament, except I don't need to move, I need to provide for my daughter...

Do you have any friends or relatives that will take you in in the mean time, like while you job hunt?

It might not look that way, (unless you literally have zero relationship with anyone besides bf) but you never know until you try, or ask in this case... People who care normally come through for us when we least expect it.

I ask because drawn out break-ups never help anyone, doing it band-aid style is best...

[gloamingone]

The only friend who didn't leave me when I hit the depths of my depression would take me in, but his apartment doesn't allow dogs. I can't leave my dogs behind. :-( No family either. I'd rather do it bandaid style, too!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Well one great friend is wayyy better than plenty fake ones

The furry babies... aaah, we need to brainstorm you and I.

I don't suppose you know of somewhere / someone they could live with where you could visit them regularly... (?)

I wouldn't wanna leave my furry baby behind either, so I understand how important it is that you keep them with you.

[gloamingone]

Yeah, I don't think I could last very long with out my precious little dogs, especially after a breakup. They're my confidants and comforters.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Exactly! Doesn't make sense to be apart from them during such a trying time.