Feeling stuck and confused

I will try to make this as short as possible. I've been with this guy for a little while now. At first I thought he was the most loving and amazing man ever. He told me he was bi polar but I thought no different. A couple months later he started hearing rumours about me, some being true some not. I lied and told him they were all false. He finally got the truth out of me. He was very upset I lied. We had those issues for a while now. I told him I would stop lying and start telling him the truth even though I hate the one person I actually love knowing the truth about my past. ( I don't feel it's anyone's business in the first place I was also embarrassed about it). He does not trust me one bit. He made me delete all my social media and change my phone number. I did it so maybe my trust would build back up again. Last month he ended our relationship, he started sending me such rude and horrible text messages. 5 days later we ended up talking and a week later we got back together. We don't see much of each other anymore because i have my son full time and my mom does not want him coming over due to the way he treats me. My son is gone every other weekend, so you would think my boyfriend would want to spend that alone time with me right? Well this past weekend I was suppose to stay there, Saturday night he stopped texting me around 8 ( said he was out with his room mate) a few hours went by and I was getting worried. He was ignoring my calls, so my friend drove past his house since she was already down there. He room mates car was in the drive way. So she decided to call him since he didn't know her number, he answered. I felt maybe he's cheating on me, Considering we only see each other once a week and every other weekend (sometimes more depending on my sons father). I always try and think well he's diagnosed with bi polar. Maybe this is normal behaviour? And this has happened more then once. Normally he says he fell asleep. I always believed him until last weekend when I actually had proof. I ended up confronting him to his face on how he lied to me and was ignoring me. He turned everything around on me and ended kicking me out of his house while I was balling my eyes out. 5 hours later he texted me saying sorry, and now is talking to me like nothing happened. Last night I even had a dream he was cheating on me. That's all I'm thinking about. I can't talk to him about it because whenever I ask him a question he gets mad and freaks out. I feel so stuck. I try so hard to make this relationship work but no matter what I do I'm always seeming to do something wrong ... I don't know what I can do anymore. I'm emotionally drained. All my family and friends want me to leave him but I just can't yet. I need advice. I just wish I had someone to talk too. I'm not sure if I don't want to leave him because I feel I'll never find anyone again, If I'm scared that he will find someone better, or what. I've been so depressed I just want to know the truth..

I think your friends and family are right. There are people out there who will accept you as you are, past included. This guy is always going to be hanging that over your head. I hope you can overcome your fears and do what is right for you.

The only thing that should make you want to stay is the quality of the relationship, identifying something salvagable, and working from there...

From your post, it doesn't sound like anything worth saving at all.
I would listen to my family / friends, and cut my losses and leave...

Should I ever routinely treat my bf the way yours treats you, I would hope he'd have the good sense to walk away and not make excuses for me because I have bipolar.
Nobody deserves to be treated in such a disgusting and disrespectful manner.

There are people who will accept all of you, people who will be willing to leave your past behind you, bloody hell, there are people who wouldn't even bring it up. Instead you try to make it work with this fool who "makes you" delete YOUR accounts and change YOUR number, and yet he doesn't enforce any repercussions for his own behaviour.

What did he give up or change for betraying you?

Or is lying to you, and throwing you out while you're crying and needing his reassurance not betrayal??

People treat stray dogs better than that!!

Instead of worrying that he'll find someone better than you, I think you should go out and find someone better FOR you. God knows there are better men out there (bipolar or not) and you dear deserve better.

Thank you, Its just really hard to actually leave him. I just want to find out the truth if he's cheating or not. It's all I've been thinking about for 4 days now. I haven't slept and when I do I just have crazy dreams about him. It's hard because I have no one to talk to , no one I talk to truly understands what I am going through. We have our good days when we don't fight like yesterday and today so it makes it even harder. But I hate feeling so worried all the time, if he takes to long to text back I think he's talking to another girl, if he "falls asleep" I feel like there's another girl with him. It's driving me insane all I wish for is for him to get on medication and maybe that will change things ..

How will him being medicated allow you to trust that he's not cheating on you???

I used to obsess over the same thoughts with my bf when we first started dating... and then I learned to trust him, I no longer expect immediate replies nor feel I MUST see him all the time, (to keep tabs on him or whatever) because I'm secure in our relationship and where we're planning on heading.

I'm sorry but I'm not understanding the logic here with meds 〓 trust at all, trust is built, not chemically induced.