so there is this guy that i met through one of my husband's friends. i don't know what it is about him, but i feel drawn to him. i hate it.

i am trying to keep myself at a distance but before i started feeling drawn to him, i managed to get him a job where i work, and now we close together practically every night we work.

so it's not really like i can completely avoid him. i don't want to avoid him, though. i just don't want to feel like i do toward him.

i have talked to my husband about this. i explained how i felt about the other guy. my husband was fine at first, but then i told him the whole thing, and he got upset and claimed i was in love with the guy, which i'm not. the way he makes me feel, i'm sick to my stomach, twisted in knots, constantly thinking about him, can't listen to music because i think of him, can't close my eyes because i see his face, hear his name...

i can't stand it. i just want to be friends with the guy. my husband's other friend (who also works with me) is my friend as well, and there's nothing but friendship there. i don't understand why i feel this way.

and i keep telling myself, this guy is just a kid, he'll be 19 in August, he's five years younger than me, and he's not interested in me at all, so these feelings are completely unwarranted. i don't know why i feel this way and i hate it.

i know the best thing is to avoid him. not look at him, not talk to him. i'm sure he wouldn't miss me; he's a selfish person and i'm definitely not his type physically so i'm pretty sure he won't bother with me if i don't bother with him.

but then when i do ignore him at work, he comes to me and asks me if i'm okay a bunch and then he's always with our mutual friend when i just want to hang out with the mutual friend...and then he sees my family at walmart and runs up to my son, grabs him and tickles him (he really loves my kids), and my heart drops and i don't know what to say or do because everything sounds terrible...

i can't talk to him about it, either, because he's the type that wouldn't let it die off, he'd take the information and use it against me somehow...

like i said, i don't know why i like this kid. but i do, and i want to be closer to him (only in a friendship way) but i don't know how and i just...

i'm so confused...

ps: my husband and i aren't having any issues within our relationship because of this. he understands how much i dislike these feelings and he knows that they don't take away from how i feel about him. but i don't know how to make them go away without destroying what could be a friendship, and for me friendships are very hard to come by...

[seaecho]

Let me ask you something. If he's a selfish person, why are you drawn to him? Why would you even want to be friends with a selfish person, and one who would use things against you? My first impression is lust. I don't get the feeling that you're drawn toward him in a friendship way--not by the way you are describing your feelings for him, ie: thinking of him when you hear music, hearing his name, seeing him when you close your eyes. I could be totally off-base, but it sounds like a simple "crush" type thing that will wear away with time. Most of us have had those, and they don't last if you are just patient and let them run their course.

If you want friendships, I'd look elsewhere, honestly. This kid sounds like trouble. Not friendship material.

everyone is selfish, just a little. but i know what you mean, and i agree...

but it's not that simple, not when we work together. we have the same shifts all week, and so far on the days that i try to ignore him, he comes to find me. plus he comes over to hang out with my husband a lot. and it makes it worse that i have to get a ride with him sometimes because my husband keeps our car at night (and can't come get me without getting the kids up at midnight). which, we're working on getting a second car, but that's still quite a few months away.

i know this just sounds like excuses but i'd have to change my entire way of doing things to avoid this guy. he's very much a part of our lives.

with my personality, making friends is extremely hard so "looking elsewhere" is not much of an option.

this kid's not interested in me in the least, and i know it. but on the plus side, i've been able to stick to a diet and exercise program. if anything, i'll benefit by getting back in shape and being sexy for my husband again.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

this kid's not interested in me in the least, and i know it. but on the plus side, i've been able to stick to a diet and exercise program. if anything, i'll benefit by getting back in shape and being sexy for my husband again.

Well, that is one way of looking at it. I was going to suggest you use your feelings for this kid to improve your relationship with your husband--not saying it needs improving but a little injection of lust in any marriage is a good thing!!

Try not to overthink it. Fixating on it can be dangerous. Accept it for what it is....little fantasy lust....and move on. ((hugs))

Try not to overthink it. Fixating on it can be dangerous. Accept it for what it is....little fantasy lust....and move on. ((hugs))

thank you. this is what i would like to do, just move on. but it's hard when it feels worse each time i see the guy, and then end up seeing him almost every day at work.

i have to work with him tonight, too. thankfully i will be working with someone else who can give me a ride home (and i'm sure he won't offer so that's good) but it's daunting. i'm torn in two because i want to go so i'll see him, but i don't want to go because, well, i'll see him. ugh.