[Aiyana]

Just want some opinions please.

I have an online friend whom I have met in person. We have been friends for quite a while and chat daily via skype as we live on opposite sides of the world.
A week ago he asked me to come visit him. I looked into it and realised it was possible but not going to be easy. I told him this and he pretty much wouldn't take no for an answer. He wanted me to come over in his summer. So, I did everything in my power and made it happen...except that I can only go for 6 weeks, when he wanted me to go for 3 months.
So, yesterday I had sorted everything out that had to be done...everything except for book flights. I was so excited and told him when he came online that I could definitely come, but only for 6 weeks.
His reaction was that 6 weeks was bad news....and now he would have to see about a job. And he said, that job is best done in summer, so he will let me know what happens.
After his response, I was angry, upset and disappointed and I didn't hide it. I felt like he had asked me to come, then when it wasn't exactly what he wanted, he threw it in my face.
We chatted for a bit, then he kept asking me what he did wrong, it's not his fault and why am I being accusing...

Am I in the wrong for being angry/hurt that he has changed his mind?

[Trippin2.0]

Nope, not at all.
Your anger is justified, his tantrum about the 6 weeks is troubling though...

[hvert]

He sounds like the one in the wrong to me. It sounds like you have to make some pretty big sacrifices to go visit him. Is he making any for you?

What hvert said.

You made a massive effort and he wants to complain that it wasn't enough? Where is his effort?

"and now he would have to see about a job"

This sentence catches my attention.

He doesn't have a job and was using you as an excuse not to look for one?

This job was always going to be happening he just suddenly decided when he didn't get his way to pay more attention to it?

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

What hvert said.

You made a massive effort and he wants to complain that it wasn't enough? Where is his effort?

"and now he would have to see about a job"

This sentence catches my attention.

He doesn't have a job and was using you as an excuse not to look for one?

This job was always going to be happening he just suddenly decided when he didn't get his way to pay more attention to it?

Agree that the job thing is kind of a strange one and stood out. not sure if it's the clarity of the writing that is lacking or what but there is something missing here. Does he mean he wouldn't work while you're there, does he mean he would? I don't understand because if he said 'best time to work is in summer" then why would he want you to visit during the summer when he should be working?

Also... Clearly he doesn't have anything permanent as a job. Why would you go out of your way for someone across the globe, (clearly costly) who doesn't even support himself (assumption, of course). Why didn't he pay for some of your trip .... so many things make this look like a very bad idea and I think he just showed his true colors by his tantrum.

your anger is justified and I'd seriously consider backing away from this if only for a while to really ponder your situation with this guy. I don't trust him.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Aiyana

Just want some opinions please.

I have an online friend whom I have met in person. We have been friends for quite a while and chat daily via skype as we live on opposite sides of the world.
A week ago he asked me to come visit him. I looked into it and realised it was possible but not going to be easy. I told him this and he pretty much wouldn't take no for an answer. He wanted me to come over in his summer. So, I did everything in my power and made it happen...except that I can only go for 6 weeks, when he wanted me to go for 3 months.
So, yesterday I had sorted everything out that had to be done...everything except for book flights. I was so excited and told him when he came online that I could definitely come, but only for 6 weeks.
His reaction was that 6 weeks was bad news....and now he would have to see about a job. And he said, that job is best done in summer, so he will let me know what happens.
After his response, I was angry, upset and disappointed and I didn't hide it. I felt like he had asked me to come, then when it wasn't exactly what he wanted, he threw it in my face.
We chatted for a bit, then he kept asking me what he did wrong, it's not his fault and why am I being accusing...

Am I in the wrong for being angry/hurt that he has changed his mind?

let me ask you this..just how much of this trip is he willing to pay for??

for him to not be satisfied with 6 weeks is at the very least ungrateful
att he other end of the spectrum....well, im not gonna say, let's just keep it clean here. hee hee

seriously if this is such a big of a deal and he wants 3 months so bad he should pay for everything, it is inconsiderate that he would be upset.
this isn't a crosstown drive here. it must be an incredible inconvenience to set this up & risk losing what i would consider a very good friend with this type of behavior, i don't know too many people in my neck of the woods that would do what you are proposing.

he should be very thankful that you are willing to travel around the world to see him, to be anything less than thankful is hard for me to fathom

in short..it might be a good idea to cancel this trip, this is an enormous red flag already hope this helps

[soccerdad]

Speaking as a father of 3 girls here something doesn't sit right here. Just to be the over protective dad role does he want you to come for three months so that it will take longer for people to report you missing? If you have only ever spoken with this person over skype and online then really all you know about him is what he has told you. So really nothing. There are many stories out there that begin like this and end poorly. I would be very careful when going about this.

With that said, if this person lived close by would you commit to spending a month and a half with them without spending some time to get to know them in person first? I really don't think anyone would. Tell him that you would like to come out for a week at most first so you can get to know the real him along with the online him. Then just take it from there. Its a romantic thought to plunge in with both feet to find love but you need to be safe and smart about it.

[StuckinRut]

I think that other posters have raised a lot of good and sensible points about this. Personally I think he is being unreasonable. I don't think the fault lies with you in any way. It's a big thing to visit someone for 6 weeks, and a huge thing to visit for 3 months. Very few people would be able to do the latter. I agree, this sounds like a tantrum. I think you mentioned that you had not yet booked the flight tickets. If I were you, wouldn't book any tickets yet. First I'd take a break from chatting with your friend for a week or 2, then take sometime to reflect on things and then decide whether to go ahead with the trip.

[Aiyana]

Thank you for all the replies. My apologies, I didn't explain the situation enough, I was too emotional.

To clarify, he does have a job, he is a contractor, he was taking time off while I was visiting. I'm pretty sure his comment about taking the job was meant in that if I'm not going to be there 'long term', he needs to consider whether it's rational to not take on this piece of work and lose out on some decent money.
I am paying for flights and everything from this side, he is paying for my visas and all my expenses while I'm there. It wouldn't be fair to say he is not making sacrifices for me as well, but he did invite me, this trip was his idea. I wanted to pay for some things for myself.

@ soccerdad -I have met him in person, so it's not like I'm going to the other side of the world to meet an unknown. I wouldn't do that.

I should also clarify that, although we video chat for hours every day, we are friends only, there is no romantic intentions by either of us, although there are some feelings. We both decided early on, that we both want this to be a serious friendship only. We do have a very close friendship, we get on extremely well most of the time and we do love each other. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself there.

The trip is currently on hold until I can figure things out in my head.