Need some relationship advice.

Hi all, new guy here, I am needing a little bit of advice for my current situation. So here goes the story...

I have been married for a little over 3 years now and with my wife for almost 9 years. However, when we meet we were both young, I was 19 and she was 20. I had not experienced a long-term relationship before meeting her, whereas, she had; she was proposed to before as well. Anyway, we started talking and got close to each other and soon started seeing each other. We both felt like we were meant for one another, soul mates if you will, it was great. We got married about 5 years later.

After about the first year of marriage things seemed like they were going downhill (at least for me). It is like the spark that was there has vanished. We have tried to reignite it, but no luck yet. Not even sex or vacations have proven successful in my eyes. I am also starting to find her traits increasingly annoying, we are polar opposites and really don't have anything in common. We first thought opposites attract and that thought was relative for awhile, but now not so much. I find myself saying "I love you" with nothing behind it, it is almost an empty gesture now. I am simply not happy.

So this now brings us to my current dilemma. I have met this other girl that I find extremely attractive, smart, outgoing, and just a great person. She is a technician at a doctor's office, which is where we met. However, she does not know my feelings towards her. Just from being around her for a short time, we seem to have this deep connection that I just do not share with my wife any longer. I find it so easy to talk to this other girl and I really do want to know more about her, even pursue her perhaps. But, I am not sure if I should tell her or just let it be. I first just brushed it off as infatuation, but now I think about her all the time and believe it could be something deeper

I feel like telling this other girl about my feelings could lead to something greater or disaster. From what I can tell—I am usually oblivious to a girl's flirting and signs—she feels the same as she will go out of her way to talk to me. I do not want to make things awkward between us, but at the same time I really would like to tell her and get this off my chest. I just do not know what to do anymore. Put a fake smile on and go about my life or take a risk and gain/lose everything. Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes? If anyone has experienced a similar situation, please relay your advice. Thanks!


TL;DR: I am no longer in love with my wife and have met another girl, but she does not know my feelings towards her.

Welcome. I hope you get good advice that helps you solve your dilemma.
Here are my thoughts.

The first thing you need to decide is if you want to stay with your wife or not. I found myself at the same place you are at once with my husband. I finally told myself that all the things he does that were driving me crazy are the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I got what I wanted so I had no room to complain. Also, many years later we both took a quiz to find out our personality type. My husband said it helped him a lot because he learned that I did the things I did because of my personality. I did not do them to bug him. Maybe it will help if you take the quiz.

If you decide you want to stay with your wife, don't say anything to the other woman. It will just cause one or both of you problems. If you do not want to stay with your wife, resolve that relationship before you enter into another one. It is much less complicated. Be careful. You may find the other woman to be perfect and want to bond. She may not. If you end your marriage to be with her and then she does not want to be with you you will be alone. Would you rather be alone than with your wife? It is not an easy decision. Good Luck.

Forgot to add, we do not have children so that is not an issue. Also, don't get me wrong, I do love my wife, I just no longer feel like I am in love with her.

Thank you for your advice jadzea. I will take it into account as I have a lot of thinking to do.

Hi Anotherlife. As I am sure you know it takes two to make a relationship work. I do not know how your wife feels about you but you owe it to your marriage to try and make it work. If you feel that is not possible then maybe you should move on. The other woman that you met will either be available later or she wont. But it is not fair to ask her to start anything with you when you are still married and living with your wife.
If you are serious about leaving your wife do it because of your relationship with her not because you met someone else you think is so great. The grass looks greener on the other side but it may not be.

Another Life...you might check out some other postings here that sound a lot like what you are experiencing. There is a difference between lust, romantic love, and love attachment with a partner. Lust and sometimes romantic love do not last very long...if you make life decisions based on those feelings it does not always turn out well..you would hope it turns into a loving attachment/partnership

You are still pretty young so it's understandable that you may not be aware of what is going on. Also, this other lady is making your brain and other parts really happy right now - I'm sure you had this for you wife at one point.

To keep love and romance great - you must learn out how to keep it interesting.