Parents Not Accepting After 10 years

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and I love him very much. I would like to mention I am very close with my family and my boyfriend has been a part of my family the entire time with no complaints or comments from my parents. 3 weeks ago my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me and he said no not until you show me you can financial support her (show actual documentation). He also told him he does not think he is emotional able to raise kids. My dad is a psychologist and feels my boyfriend because of his childhood will not be emotional available to his children. I do think he has unresolved issues with his dad but think he will be an amazing dad despite what he went through. 3 weeks went by and my boyfriend did not show him an financial paperwork or address his comment on talking to my dad about his issues. My dad then called my boyfriend and went CRAZY yelling at him for not getting back to him and said horrible things like “he does not have a pot to piss in, What kind of man would make someone work and not raise a family, why would you make my daughter use her savings to buy you a house, I don’t get what my daughter sees in you but she will figure it out, Your family failed you and you can go tell them that I don’t care. He then said If you put a riff between me and my daughter you will regret it and I will make your life miserable”. I am not supposed to know any of this has happened since my dad asked him not to say anything but he told me anyway because I knew something was wrong with him. To sum it up, I make way more money than my boyfriend and my dad and mom think I should be staying at home when I have kids to raise them and not work. The man is supposed to support his family which he would not be able to do without my income. He also doesn’t think he is emotionally capable of raising kids. After all the thigs my dad said it is very uncomfortable when we all get together for my boyfriend of course and me because I am not supposed to know but do and my dad is being extra nice to me which is making me sick. I know my parents love me so much and want what’s best for me but I love my boyfriend with all my heart and know being together and having kids will be a challenge financially but that is the sacrifice I am willing to make. I don’t know what to do because I want to marry him and be together but don’t know how to do so with my parents so passionately disapproving of him. One last thing there has never been any discussion up to this point of disapproval of my boyfriend after years

It is odd that you father would let you see him for 10 years and not say anything negative during that time. It looks like if you marry him your parents are not going to be welcoming to say the least. You have to prepare yourself that they may not accept him as your husband and could cause a rift between you and your family. You will have to decide whether you are willing to marry without your parents approval. If your father was that combative, I doubt he will change his mind easily. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I'm sorry you are in this position. What do you want? Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom or do you want to keep working? Even though you are close to your parents, you are an adult and it's your life to make your decisions and/or your mistakes.

I have been married for 10 years and have two young children and I'm the breadwinner. I knew that was the way it was going to be when I got married. I was mostly okay with it, except for the times my H was laid off and fell into a depression. As long as he is working hard and happy, I don't mind making more money. I too am close to my family and there were times they were frustrated when they felt like my H was being lazy and not contributing. They had a point, but ultimately it was my marriage to work on, not theirs.

As an FYI, working while raising kids is super hard but staying at home full time and raising kids is super hard. As long as they are loved and well taken care of and get quality time with their parents, there is no right or wrong in the mommy wars.