[bwkeys45]

About a year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. I blamed it on myself, saying that I just wasn't ready for a relationship, that I was struggling too much with mental illness, and that I was too sensitive. However, since hindsight is 20/20, I've started to realize that it wasn't really all my fault and I'm beginning to suspect emotional abuse. I have very clear memories of the things said and done to me in this relationship, including:

-Telling me I am a coward
-Telling me I am a terrible friend
-Telling me that all my friends hate me
-Telling me that "even ugly girls can be attractive when they have good fashion"
-Calling me fat
-Telling me that I am a disappointment
-Saying "I don't know why you try"
-Guilting me into physical contact (kissing, etc)

I can still hear his voice in my mind saying these things. There are days when I don't want to eat or feel guilty for eating too much, I alienated myself from all my friends believing that they hated me, and I had and still have a lot of upsetting thoughts about not being worthy of life anymore. I feel like this was abuse, but I don't really know what qualifies as abuse. Regardless, what are some next steps to take towards getting better? There is a lovely girl in the picture now, but I am so paranoid and depressed that I don't think it could ever work out.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, you are right this guy was abusive and needed to put you down and control you.
You did the right thing by leaving him too. When a guy wants you to give up your friends and treats you that way, that is a red flag and now you know to break away because this kind of guy will treat any girl he hooks up with that way, and it was not just "you".

Sometimes a woman will hook up and stay with someone for reasons she isn't recognizing, and often the pheromones can play a role in this too and pheromones
are only given off to keep a pair together to mate, which is only nature, and doesn't
select the other psychological needs that should be there too. So don't let yourself
feel "too guilty", you learned something and now you will see the warning signs so
you will know better next time.

OE

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by bwkeys45

About a year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. I blamed it on myself, saying that I just wasn't ready for a relationship, that I was struggling too much with mental illness, and that I was too sensitive. However, since hindsight is 20/20, I've started to realize that it wasn't really all my fault and I'm beginning to suspect emotional abuse. I have very clear memories of the things said and done to me in this relationship, including:

-Telling me I am a coward
-Telling me I am a terrible friend
-Telling me that all my friends hate me
-Telling me that "even ugly girls can be attractive when they have good fashion"
-Calling me fat
-Telling me that I am a disappointment
-Saying "I don't know why you try"
-Guilting me into physical contact (kissing, etc)

I can still hear his voice in my mind saying these things. There are days when I don't want to eat or feel guilty for eating too much, I alienated myself from all my friends believing that they hated me, and I had and still have a lot of upsetting thoughts about not being worthy of life anymore. I feel like this was abuse, but I don't really know what qualifies as abuse. Regardless, what are some next steps to take towards getting better? There is a lovely girl in the picture now, but I am so paranoid and depressed that I don't think it could ever work out.

you guessed it..it's emotional abuse, it's a shame the abusers don't realize or care how much damage they are doing to people..the damage can take years to recover from..or worse yet make a person cold,jaded and spiteful and full of hatred.

it's awful that you had to go through this & i often wonder why some of life's lessons are so difficult and painful. it sounds like your ex was a terrible person.
the only thing you can do now is take time to heal and move on with your life.
if you possibly can, start picking up the pieces by talking to your friends one on one and express how you feel, start rebuilding friendships one by one.

take some time to start doing things you love again and keep yourself busy to keep your mind off him (easier said than done..i know, i know) trust me on this one.

if you can get yourself a therapist to talk to just having one person you can talk to and trust helps tremendously, to unwind all the pain so you can begin to get better.

you can gradually start dipping back into the dating pool..but only if you are ready..and decide what kind of qualities you want in a potential bf..if you are ready..start meeting people or at least getting comfortable talking to people, but no hurry..take your time

i hope this helps and good luck!