Why commit a crime and then turn yourself in?

my mom committed a financial crime and is now in jail for six months. She admitted it to me and my dad one day after a while of looking nervous. She said she needed to turn herself in and my dad agreed and they went to the police station to do so. I wonder, though if they did not find out, why go and turn yourself in?

I am handling the situation fine because she will be back and her visit to jail might make her go easier on me now. Even though it is only six months, My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be interesting and an "educational experience" (What does that mean? Please give your opinion on that)





I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have?



also, is this weird, I have talked to my on the phone while she is there and for some reason I feel more comfortable being open with her about anything now then when she was actually here. Any reason why I would feel that way now?

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this difficult time with your family. You're asking very good questions.

I've worked extensively with people who have had trouble with the law and I can tell you why some of them turned themselves in. As strange as it sounds, many people who break the law actually have high moral standards. They're not career criminals. If they steal or cheat, they feel shame, guilt and fear. They worry that a year or five years from now, there will be a knock on the door and it will be the police. Every day their conscience haunts them. They know they did wrong. The tension and emotional pain can become unbearable. They turn themselves in to get it over with and so they can start out again with a clean slate. Sometimes they turn themselves in so they can get help with addictions or gambling or emotional problems that may have contributed to their law-breaking.

Your dad may ... and I don't really know if this is the case ... but he may think visiting your mom in jail would be an educational experience for you because some years back there was a popular concept called Scared Straight, where teenagers were taken to see what it was like in jail. The idea was that kids would see how terrible it was and it would scare them out of ever getting in trouble. Unfortunately, later research showed it didn't work out that way. Kids who participated in Scared Straight ended up being less scared of jail than other teenagers. But that didn't get any publicity. If you can talk to your dad, you might ask him what he means.

Each jail has it's own rules about visiting. Sometimes you meet in a big room with lots of other people and sometimes you have more privacy, but you don't really get to spend time alone. Jails have visiting hours that you have to abide by. If you show up early or late, you won't get in. Because you are a minor, you would probably have to be accompanied by your dad or another adult relative.

In my opinion, the only reason for a 14 year old girl to visit a parent serving a six month sentence would be if you really really want to see your mom. If you really want to see her, you will find something to say when you're there. It may feel awkward at first, but the words will come as long as you can muster up a smile when you see her.

When people asked me what I thought about taking children and teenagers to jail to visit someone, I said it depended on the length of the sentence. For six months, I'd usually recommend against it, unless there was a major emotional or health crisis of some kind. At age 14, it's all right if you go. And it's all right if you don't go.

It would be kind of you to snail mail your mother cards and letters frequently so that she knows you are thinking about her. Getting little notes in the mail would give her something to look forward to and could help her feel better. You can probably find out how to do that on-line by looking up the facility where she is. Or ask you dad to find out for you. Most jails have strict rules about mail that you would have to follow. The rules mostly have to do with not including extra things in the letters.

It's also nice that you can talk to your mom on the phone. It's not at all weird that you now feel more comfortable talking to your mom about anything. You both know she made a pretty big mistake. If you talk to her about any problems or worries or mistakes you make, it's like you're on more equal ground. It's possible you're less worried about her punishing you so you feel more open. When I was young, the main reason I didn't tell my mother about some of the things I was up to was because I was worried about being punished. If that worry was lifted, talking would have been so much easier. Maybe that's what's going on between you and your mom right now.

You sound pretty darn brave and strong and smart. Your questions are all good. Hang in there and I hope when your mom comes home, you'll all be able to re-adjust as a family and have good times together again.

You go and turn yourself in because you know you committed a wrongful act and deserve to pay for it. If you're religious, it's about saving your soul. In any case, it's about being honest. Just because you do something wrong and don't get caught, doesn't mean you don't deserve to be punished. Your mother is actually to be commended. It's very brave to admit you're wrong and to be ready to face the deserved consequences of your actions.

Yes, you should go there and see her. Think of what it's like for her. She's stuck in a cell most of the time, and never allowed to leave the property. She looks forward to seeing her loved ones, and six months is a long time to go without seeing your daughter. You'll be fine. Remember: At least you can leave at the end of it. She can't. You get to go on, living your life, having fun and freedom to do whatever your father will permit. She's alone, even if she has a cellmate and makes friends in there, because none of those people are family and the people she's known for years.

All new experiences are educational. You learn what it's like, see the environment, gain memories. If you become a writer, everything you see and do can be used in your writing. Or filmmaking, painting, or any other creative ventures.

I was more comfortable away from my mother, once I grew up and moved away. There is a saying: "Familiarity breeds contempt." That's not always true, but it often is. Another saying: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Being away from her may make you feel more comfortable to talk to her, especially since once the call is over, you don't have to deal with her anymore. I felt that way. I love my mother, who died in January, and I miss her very much. Give your mother a little of your time and visit her. It will mean a lot to her.

Just want to make clear that my hesitation in visiting has nothing to do with my mother it is just the area , but if it's not that bad I wouldn't mind going

At age 14, I think I'd be nervous walking into that environment too. I don't blame you at all. You might let your mother know you love her, but the atmosphere makes you nervous, and you wouldn't quite feel safe there. Then call her, write her, however other ways they let you communicate with her, as often as you can, all the while reminding her you love her. Or, if you are assured that you would be safe, and you feel OK with it, visit if you want to.

I have respect for your mother's courage turning herself in. It was wrong of her to commit the crime, of course, but she knows that and wants to make it right. It sure beats trying to run, in my opinion, which is easier for some people to do, but only makes matters worse.

I think your dad does mean sort of a "let this be a lesson to you," when he talks about it being an educational experience. From the sound of things, I'm not sure you need that lesson. It sounds like you already know, jail is not a good place to be, and you have no intention of doing anything that would land you there.

You now see your mother as a human being capable of making mistakes, and that could be why you have an easier time talking to her about things. I'm glad you do. But after she's out (I don't know if you would do this or not, but just in case) I hope you don't remind her of it any time she corrects you for something. She would only be trying to stop you from making the same wrong turn she made. It's sort of like me giving relationship advice. I've made every mistake there is to make--that's how I *know*.

Is she low security or high security? I once visited my uncle in one of the more notorious mass corrections facilities. He was in the lowered security one, at that time.
Arrive, sign in, security screen, similar courthouse or airport. Ushered into an open cafeteria style visit room, where other inmates were visiting.
I went a couple times, was about your age. You'll be safe, I'm sure your mom will appreciate seeing you. She did the right thing, even if mistake leading to arrest wasn't.

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I'm thinking if going now because seeing what the inside of a jail looks like might actually be interesting and not scary

I won't but I can't help but poke some fun at her for it

I kind of want to ask her questions about her experiences