[aggrevatedwithit]

I'll start like this love this woman I've done more for her than I ever thought I would do for any woman in my life before I met her I was selfish and only think about myself i was a pretty mean person (which i think is why she noticed nee at first because i reminded her of what she was used to from previous bfs and her own family but she showed me the value of a true companion

Her dad was an alcoholic who is never there for her and was very physically abusive to her mother abandoned the family when she was 3 in addition to that there are many other negative experience she suffered

when I first met her she was turned off by sex due to some past sexual abuse she had suffered, she suffers from PTSD due to that we work through it we took it slow and together we found a happy medium they gave us a healthy and very very happy and active sex life.

lately however it seems that she has wanted to be intimate less and less I know that we have been together for almost 13 years now and it declined it sometime to be expected but I don't think that's what this is I don't think that she is happy now I think that some of the things that she experiences back to haunt her

she does have a good regiment of medication it seems to help her and she has scheduled off more counseling sessions that she had originally stopped going to

my problem is this after years and years of working with her and being there for her and doing everything I could to help I feel as though somewhere along the line either I have failed her or she has stopped feeling comfortable with , she still has sex with me but typically only when she's drunk, the last time that she had sex with me while sober I honestly can't remember and that doesn't bother me because I want a healthy relationship and all aspects and I want to be there for her and fix whatever the problem is.

we have had our ups and downs like any couple but I think that through it all we have been almost perfect for each other anytime I have problems be there for me and through her many problems I have always been there for her

I want her to open up to me and confide in me and tell me what she needs from me so I can be the husband that she deserves her family is not around I'm all she has (she sometimes questions her self worth bc her family failed her) i want her to remember that to me she's priceless, she thinks my compliments are empty bc were married but i mean every word (i even try to email her an original poem dedicated to her every week) she sometimes seeks compliments from men online to validate her self worth which isn't a big deal (even though they really are empty bc they want I'm her pants whereas in three one here when shed hurting and crying which hurts bc i can't fix it) but makes me wonder what in not doing to make her feel good about herself i want get to remember I'm there for her and just just like it did in the beginning everything will work out I just don't know where to go from here

as a post script we do have a beautiful little girl and we are going to try for another child which I believe is the only reason that she is having sex with me at all at this point is bc she wants know another baby. And there haven't been any incidents that should have triggered any type of regression

let me also just say it isn't just about sex even though i believe a good sex life isessential to a long lasting monogamous marriage just know that when she is in a comfortable state she opens up more in that department and I've never seen her happier than when we have a healthy sexual relationship and that's what it really boils down to I want my wife to be happy if that means we never have sex again and so be it but I just know that a healthy happy wife leaves to an open relationship in the bedroom

Now to top it all off, I can talk to her or bring anything up or try to even help the situation without being yelled at or pushed away, everything is suddenly my fault and I dont really know hwere to go with this

[gayleggg]

Hopefully, counseling will help. It sounds like something from her past has come back to haunt her that she doesn't feel safe to confide in you yet. I know it is hard but be patient with her and hope counseling starts to help soon. Maybe couples counseling would be good too. You might ask if she is interested. I don't know that this would be a good time to try for a second child. I think I would hold off until you two are back on the same page. It would be a shame to be bring a baby into this kind of upseting enviornment. Good luck.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by aggrevatedwithit

she still has sex with me but typically only when she's drunk,....we are going to try for another child which I believe is the only reason that she is having sex with me at all at this point is bc she wants know another baby. And there haven't been any incidents that should have triggered any type of regression

I agree with gayle on all counts, and although you think nothing has triggered a regression, it is obvious, with your comments that 'everything' is your fault now, and you can't talk to her, that SOMETHING has triggered her. Hopefully counselling will help and yes, couples counselling might help even more.

According to you she only has sex with you when she's drunk?? That is a red flag that something is triggering her.

As far as having another baby, I strongly urge you to rethink it. It would be a crime to bring a new child into the dynamic you describe, and although she might think it will help, you know, and her T probably knows that's a mistake...not to mention an awful reason to want a child. If you are afraid of the argument that will ensue if you tell her you don't think another baby at this time is a good idea (and odds are, you'll get one) then do it with a counsellor, who can help her understand WHY it's not a good idea.

Take care, and good luck