Anxieties seriously affecting relationship, advice?

I don't even know where to begin. Recently I relocated 900 miles from home. The only person that I know here is my boyfriend - (long story, new relationship after 10 year friendship, I moved here after a severely negative life-changing event) - he works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week, so I'm alone most of the time. I've been here since April 20th. My kids are going to be here on 6/21, they stayed behind for school and church camp.

I NEED to get out and get a job, like NEED to. We're close to the time when we'll be choosing between Ramen and the electric bill and we're less than a month out from adding two more people to the mix. There are jobs available here in my field that I am more than qualified for, but my social anxieties are getting in the way... we don't have a car and most days the idea of walking or riding the bus alone is panic attack inducing, I can't even make phone calls some days because the idea of talking to someone I don't know... indescribable. I am trying, and some days I can make it out the door, but... yeah.

For my part, I'm gradually getting appointments made and I've put in for a few jobs that I could work from home... so I am doing things... I'm just doing it from my living room and so far I've accomplished very little. He's starting to resent that I'm not working yet BECAUSE of my anxiety, not lack of jobs available to me and it is affecting our relationship.

Any suggestions on how talk to him in a way that he will understand? Anyone had this severe kind of anxiety - how did it affect your relationship? How did you get through it? Did you?

Good for you for getting those appointments made and getting things started. Sounds like he's working hard too - 6 days a week and long hours. Hopefully you'll be able to get things set up with a job that is suitable for you.

Thanks Rose. Yes, he works very hard at two jobs and then does lawns on Saturday... I think that's part of the problem. He's working so hard and is so tired all of the time and resents that I'm doing nothing. I just wish I knew how to explain my anxieties to someone who doesn't have them.

Hi, SunnyMills! How about checking to see if there is a mental health clinic that takes patients based on what they can pay. Sounds like you could use some help in dealing with your anxieties.

I think that you should push yourself to go out and get on that bus, going for a walk, interacting with people, etc. You are letting your anxiety rule your life by staying in the house when you feel anxious. This actually reinforces your anxiety and makes it worse.

I was at a point a few years ago where my anxiety was so bad that I didn't want to go anywhere. The thing was that I didn't have anyone to do anything for me, so if I wanted to live (ie go out and get food), I knew I would have to push through my anxiety. It was INCREDIBLY hard! Going out for maybe half an hour was literally a two day ordeal. On day one I would prepare to go out (which took me longer than usual), I would then have the inevitable panic attack and need to recover. I would then make myself leave the house for a walk, or perhaps drive to the store. After being out for a short while I would come home and crash for the rest of the day. The following day I would do nothing but rest because going out for just half an hour was completely exhausting and I needed much time to recover. Like I said, I literally had to force myself through every excruciating moment of this, but after time, my anxiety did in fact improve.

I know this is scary, and probably the last thing you want to do. However, it was my own form of exposure therapy, and if you go to a therapist, they will likely prescribe exposure therapy to you in order for you to work through your anxiety issues. But, if you can't afford to see a therapist, then this is one way you can work through the anxiety on your own.

I wish it were as easy as "forcing myself"... I woulda forced myself to be better already. Seriously. I did manage to go on the bus Saturday... the driver just about put us off 6 miles from home because I was having full blown panic attack right there in my seat with my BF there holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be ok. If he hadn't have been there, I woulda been put out in a part of town where I had no idea where I was and there would have been nothing that I could do about it but cry. I came home and slept for 16 hours straight after being out of the house for less than 2.

I have appointments made for later in the month... if I can manage to get myself there.

My severe anxiety has affected my relationships (friendships) and my love life. I either distance myself or my mind becomes blank like a sheet of paper... I cannot provide an appropriate response when my mind becomes blank. My throat used to close or at least it felt like it did. I have the desire to be accepted and belong, but I have a fear of rejection and being disliked to the point where communicating with people is difficult or almost impossible. I'd suggest that you should give him some background information on anxiety (where it originates from, what it is, and how it affects you (basically how you feel)). Everyone experiences anxiety sometime during their lives.

Think of it this way.... you moved 900 miles from where you are used to living. That's stressful! Annnnnd you overcame it and did it!

Use that as inspiration.

I understand bus anxiety. Why not try taking trips on the bus... without any intended destination? Get on the bus, and see where it takes you... get off when you need to, even if it's in a random spot. Then get the return bus and go home. It's exposure and doesn't have the pressure of having to stay on until X-spot.

Can you email to submit applications to any of the jobs in your field? A lot of places take email applications.