overreacting boyfriend

So my boyfriend sent me a 7 text long rant explaining that I am getting too close to his best friend an I need to back off because he is his best friend, however over the past month the best friend has been living on my boyfriends couch thus spending time with me and my boyfriend a lot. It is only natural that me and his best friend become friends and hang out together. I asked the best friend to help me put up some flyers because my boyfriend was busy and that made my boyfriend really upset. I understand it makes him uncomfortable that his best friend and girlfriend are hanging out but I know my boyfriend has a tendency to be an over reactive and controlling person. I am trying not to be reactive to him but I need to learn how to stand up to him without feeling guilty. I don't think its fair personally for someone else to tell you that you cannot spend time with someone. i think it is him just being insecure. I am tired of being a little timid girlfriend that does whatever my alcoholic boyfriend says I should do but I don't want to explode into an argument. I am so tired of this... we are already in a rough patch because he recently relapsed and reading over this it sounds bad. i really don't know what to do. empathy and relating with someone would really help right now.

Yeah, you do know what to do. Pretty sure. I was going right along until I bonked right into the part about not wanting to timidly do whatever your relapsed alcoholic boyfriend tells you to do. You don't sound timid at all. The situation is much bigger than him freaking out at you over his best pal. Trust your instincts and do what's best for you. I'm pretty sure you're heading in that direction already.

it sounds like you know what you don't want out of this relationship, so now you just have to stand up for yourself. just make sure you use I statements. try not to use the word you when explaining yourself to him. talk about the situation as much as possible and not him. you don't like it when you are told what to do instead of you don't like him telling you what to do for example. but you sound to be perfectly on base here. totally rational. he is the one being irrational. take care.

My ex, when drinking drives himself bonkers with alcohol thinking. There's, imo, a level of black out, which results in imagined slights as occurring. Plus, I question how it takes him to not so great life moments of his past, that involve alcohol. His mom, was a drinker, and that must have been very difficult of an experience.
Sooooo, trying to sooth his fears, may actually be far beyond any amount of control(not to be confused with trying to control) you may have.

Meaning, none of these fears will change unless he realizes he needs to change.



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He thinks you are his property and is jealous if your spending time with another man even if it's his best friend. He may think you will develop a relationship with his friend and dump him. Jealousy and paranoia taking over here

If you "nurture" his jealousy,as in try and please him or find that your taking a backseat and submitting to his accusations then he will do it more and "imagine"these silly ideas. Tell him to grow up. You know you aren't doing anything wrong. Jealousy is a relationship cancer.stamp it out sooner before it sets in.

Kia Ora

Thanks everyone for the support. It has been a while since I have been on the this support group, but I just to fill you in I have broken it off with him. I did not deserve to be treated the way he treated me everyday with his manipulation and control. After being single for 4 months I found a boyfriend that loves me for who I am and loves me in a way that I feel free which is beautiful.

Good for you ! Enjoy your new partner

Contemplate he's not over-reacting, at least not in his world, maybe this is status quo for him, maybe he's giving you a glimpse inside who he really is. Think about it - take your time, but if you finally agree that he's quit putting his best foot forward like we all do - its natural - but maybe both this guys feet are the same and you're seeing it. Maybe he's a histrionic and over-reacting is his bread and butter - time to figure it out - the truth, not what you want it to be but the real truth.

Too often i have wondered why I keep meeting people who disrespect me. You've helped me figure it out - maybe its because someone like me who has always put up with everything - that's pretty much a predictable response. Who's going to respect someone his has no self respect and takes all the crap someone dishes out and then begs them not to leave?

Last time around - 10 years ago, I said to heck with it - no more relationships for this chick. If i can't do a relationship right then I ain't doing it at all.