How do I let go? I keep torturing myself!

I am just sad, mad, depressed, and feeling every negative emotion there is. I hate how he drifts in and out of my life and leaves me confused. I suffer with depression and anxiety disorder, and when I met him he lifted my depression in a weird way and made me feel normal. I think I clung onto him for that reason. Instead of chasing him and wanting him I think I was just chasing my happiness and I think that is why it's hard for me to fully let go of him cause psychologically it's telling me "You are letting go of something that makes you happy and the only thing that makes you happy" Even though I DON'T like how he posses that much power over me. And I don't know why it's only him that makes me feel normal/ happy and not depressed about my life and where it's going.

But see he is the wrong person, cause he floats in and out of my life. The continuous cycle of him is coming on strong to me to the point where he acts like my boyfriend, and even asking me weird future questions of "us" And he says I am his "Best friend" his "Favorite person" "One of a kind" "Beautiful" and how much he loves me etc. I heard it all and then some. All he does is confess his love for me, and then out of nowhere he disappears and vanishes from my life. Doesn't call or text for weeks to months, and then he'll randomly pop up in my life again and does the same thing of acting all lovey dovey with me. It makes me confused cause then I think "Well if I am your friend then why don't you contact me other wise?" My friends are blaming me and saying "He comes onto you with hope and then you shoot him down, you are a great friend but you are too reserved with your emotions and feelings towards him that he thinks you don't like him anymore than a friend" "You push him away alot in a sense" "You rejected him alot" I understand I did, but I proved how much of a good friend I was to him. I helped him out so many times and I felt a deep connection towards him, but then he pulls the disappearing act and it leaves me feeling abandoned and I have abandonment issues and trust issues. I know I need to cut ties with him. I hate that he does that to me, but I am just so angry, sad, mad and depressed. I hate how he was back in my life 2 weeks ago and I was so happy, and then he vanishes and now I am back to being depressed.

I just don't understand? He literally acts like he's my boyfriend when he sees me, then he vanishes out of nowhere and I don't see him or talk, or text him for weeks to months. How do i let go? It's making me feel so low about myself! Any words of encouragement, advice or opinions are welcomed. Thank you for reading!

You haven't said, so I have to ask...have you talked to him about his disappearing acts, and maybe discussed that this might be a reason that you keep pushing him away--sort of a preemptive strike because you know he's gonna poof for no apparent reason? If you have and his responses have been less than forthcoming, or satisfying, then yes, I think you should try your best to cut ties, because this relationship doesn't seem healthy for you.

If you havent...then for heavens sake do! At the very least, you can clear up what's going on with him, and give him some insight into what's going on with you.

Take care

Hello Peacekeeper93 I hope Psych Central is helping you. It sounds like you are co-dependant. You should get rid of him, if he's not helping you. There are better things you can do with your life. This is just my opinion. You have to make the choices on your own. You know what you have to do.

pookle

I think, as has already been said, that you should talk to him about his disappearing acts, and find out once and for all, what the heck is up with him. It sounds like there could really be something there, at least, ... for you, although I dunno about him, ... I've known some guys who act like that... it's all buddybuddy, friendly-flirt, crap like that... I think I've had it myself from a girl actually, some yonks ago. Just get it out in the open, the next time he swings around for some feelgood, and there you'll get your answer.

(expect the whole "Oh? I only meant it as a friend." speech; I got the same and didn't expect it, and so it hurt a lot more, so just be prepared - disconnect yourself from him a bit, if you can)

The reason I think you need to be careful, is because he may just be going to you for some pick-me-up (hence my sarcastic "feelgood") because he knows you like him, and wants to have that feeling of being wanted, at your expense. It's really nice to feel wanted, and that's OK, but to go to the lengths he's gone, if that's what he's playing at, then that's pretty sick, IMO.