Family issues

Hi,

Sorry, If It isn't the appropriate category for this thread, but I couldn't find another.

My parents are not getting along for a long time now. You know, usual night fights. My father stated drinking few years ago, and its getting worse every day. He only works and sleeps. He was never really involved in anything, so It's not something unusual. This month he increased drinking dracstically. Maybe because of the dailly fights with my mother. She hates when he drinks and she can be vengeful, especially concerning alcohol. (She left her parents at the age of 16, because her father was drinking). So they argue either about the alcohol, or about money. Now its more than that. My mother blames him for always pulling her back and limit the opportunity to achieve anything. I don't knwo if is it some kind of mid life crisis, or the financial problems are finally showing its effect. We have a lot of depts, and even though my parents are working every day, it seems we're getting deeper and deeper. I've tried to reason with them, but they're like little kids. They don't listen, and do whatever they want to do. They both have issues and no one is gonna make a compromise. I agree with my mother that he has to stop drinking, because the alcohol littlerally drunk his brain. Even before he wasn't really emotional. I get it, I'am having troubles showing my feeling too. But now, he is not a person you wanna talk about anything. Same goes to my mother, even thought she is not a drunk. She became constantly combative and cranky, and I stopped sharing even with her, couple years ago.

Generally, It's not a problem for me if they get separated. They won't be the first nor the last. My mother will be fine, if not better. My father in other hand, probably won't be able to handle it. Even now he is a mess. He lowered his hygienic habbits, he is always drunk (he even drives drunk, even though he crashed once and suffered serious penalty) and aggresive to other people. I think he will do something stupid. Yet, I can't say to my mother to tolerate him, just because he can't live on his own. I'm now in process of learning, and once I start working I'll definately began living on my own.

Hard situation.

Here is a link to Al-Anon/Alateen - a support group for people who have someone with an alcohol problem in their lives. I don't know if they have meetings in your area but you can check and you can use their web site to learn more about alcoholism.

You also might want to talk to your school counselor.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...70138588,d.aWw

(((Xzhan))) I hope you find some support.

That is a really crummy situation for you to be in. Your parents are adults who make their own (bad) choices and there isn't really anything you can do for them, as sad as it is. I'm so glad you have started the process of preparing yourself for a time when you can move out and live on your own without all this chaos. It's important for you to take care of yourself -- you can't really take care of them

Your not going to really be able to do anything about there relationship issues . Im glad you will soon be making a life for yourself . Just take care of you

Thank you for answering!

I know deep in myself that I can't fix their problem if they don't want to, yet I keep feeling responsible. This night my father left and he is going to sleep elsewhere. He is conviced that my mother is cheating on him and she doesn't want him back. That's because she suddenly began going out, which she hasn't done for quite a long time. She started dancing lessons. Believing that she wouldn't lie to me, and relying on my intuition make me think its the truth. But my father is obsessed with his theories of conspiracy, which led to him asking stupid questions repeatedly, and drinking constantly. Naturally, this made things worse. In other hand, my mother did nothing to stop him, which only feeds his fantasies.

It's possible that things could get better for you if your parents do split up. I couldn't believe how much less chaotic my life got when my father moved out. I hope it all works out for you!

I'm sorry you're going through this too... please, please hear everyone here who tells you that it's NOT your fault, and you are NOT responsible. You can't control your parents, you can't make them get along, you can't make them sane, sensible people. People are funny like that, but *especially* parents!

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, be nice to yourself, and work on figuring out what YOU want for yourself and your future.

Good luck...

Thank you all, for understanding!