I need real advices.. please help.

I have a question, and a reason to why I have joined this site. I'm really not a blogger, but I can't find the time to reach out to a professional about the problems I've been having. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, or ex boyfriend- I don't even know at this point for over a year. In the beginning he was perfect, sounds cliche but I got out of a relationship where my boyfriend was so insecure with himself it really affected our relationship but I managed to finally get out. I was alone for a year, collecting my thoughts, building myself up again. Then I met my most recent boyfriend, and he came off as a very quiet, funny, reserved, secure and confident man. Then as time went on, I soon realized and began to notice how every thing little bothered him, even events before me and him had met. He would turn the littlest matters into the biggest, and a fight was never a fight. He always fought with me bringing me down, discouraging me, using my past against me, the way I grew up, the location I grew up in, my attitude, my family, my childhood, and everything else. I can't deny, I do have a temper, I do have an attitude, but I truly believe I'm very reasonable. Of course being human I will act out of character but I am never in denial with myself and if I'm proven wrong, I have no problem fixing my mistakes. I recently found out my boyfriend and a girl who I thought was my bestfriend, they had sex before me and my boyfriend got serious, and throughout our relationship I had always questioned that factor and they both denied it. Until about 3 weeks ago when once again my boyfriend was breaking up with me and he spilled the beans. I was so hurt, I felt so foolish and so betrayed, but I felt more betrayed by my girlfriend considering I trusted her with my life and I always thought it was likewise. So I forgave him of course, with him promising me he would help me heal and give it time.. but any little minor event after that he used everything against me. He calls me names, he brings me down to the point I feel worthless. I wanted to just end my life because he made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. I know it sounds cliche once again, but in my defense, I feel like I try so hard to make it work, I accommodate it all to him, and still we fail. Though he's the one that makes me feel worthless, everytime I try to express myself he takes it the wrong way and ends up breaking up with me saying I'm the reason to the closure, and I ruined his life. I'm not loyal, I'm a liar, I'm this I'm that. I know I'm not perfect and I have told white lies because he had threatened me numerous times if this and that happened, then he'd end it with me so the fear of losing him I had told white lies. But those white lies were never ones to hurt him if or when he found out. I'm struggling because at this point we are over again. Whenever he comes back into my life he's always so genuinely sorry and he knows exactly what to say to make me feel like I want it again, and after all I do love him. Here and there slightly he's mentioned him having OCD and his behaviours with certain things definitely does make sense, but I am not an expert to put that label on him. I don't know what to think I don't know what to do. I just need to know if I really am the problem... I don't know why no matter how hard genuinely I try it's not working. Countless times he'll mention the same thing over and over as if we never talked about it, or fought about it, and his excuse is he wants me to be sorry, but how many times do I need to be sorry in 1 day over the same thing? How many times do I need to be sorry for what happened 1 year ago? What about his sorrys that he caused me lying to me for a year and me finding out he had sex with my bestfriend. Please help me find a comfort in not being in this relationship anymore because as much as I am miserable I do love him, but I need to know this is not a normal relationship. Its hard to tell myself that over and over. the message doesn't get through to me. I feel worthless, I feel hopeless.. I feel like I keep trying and nothing is progressing and he convinces me it's because of me, and I'm not good enough, and that I don't deserve him.. Please respond, please help me.

Hello, fourleaf1o04. How can you love someone who bullies and abuses you? Is your self-esteem so low and neediness so high you will fall in love with anyone who shows you attention, whether good or bad or worse?

You are grieving. Please search your soul to see why it is you accept treatment that is so wrong.

I wish you well.

It may take a long time to really see it, but not being in this relationship is the best thing that could have happened. Your ex-boyfriend sounds emotionally abusive. It's not normal or healthy for one partner to badger another about things that happened in the past. Not all guys are like that. Now you are free to meet someone who will accept you and treat you kindly.

Remember when he comes knocking at your door again that the drama can be very addictive. Breaking up and getting back together feels good in a weird way.

You are good enough. No matter how hard you try, he will always make you feel like it is your fault. That is the real problem with your relationship.

If you do get back together with him, I would tell him that he needs to stop blaming you for everything that goes wrong and stop harassing you about your past.

I think you should see a Therapist to help you work through all this abuse and to help you build your self esteem back up .

There are wonderful men out there that would treat you with respect love and kindness.

You shouldn't let anyone make you feel ashamed of what you do feel. Many people end up with abusive people for whatever reason and still love them.

BUT, you need to understand that no amount of you loving them will ever change that abuse. It is time for you to move on, and you need to do that within yourself first.

You do not deserve to be abused, no matter how much you and this other person are in love. Besides, by staying with this person you are enabling them to continue this behavior. By leaving, you will actually be helping. I promise.

I hope all is well, please be safe! Cosmic hugs.

you need to get away from this guy as this is an emotionally & verbally abusive relationship. please get some help and if you can't afford it then please contact a women's shelter where they should have free resources for you. you deserve so much better than this.

first of all let me say this...this is not a healthy relationship. if it isn't over it should be.will the the crap that goes on in relationships these days i don't even know why i bother, when i think of all the s*** i have been through and read stories like yours i become more and more jaded by the day.tired of the pain and disappointment.

like you i had an ex that i tried and tried to make things work with my ex last summer( i won't give you the long version, because i am sure it will take up too much of your time) but in a nutshell i tried very hard to make it work and be the best bf i could be and nothing i could do was ever good enough and she just would not get "close" to me for anything.and she was verbally abusive.

emotional and verbal abuse comes in all shapes ,sizes and colors and none of it is any good for you. i will say this , the thing about your best friend, it happened before you guys were an item & they lied to you to protect your feelings..not to hurt you, funny how the lies seem to never work as planned..but that's life. It happened and they knew you wouldn't understand.

i'm not going to give you the boilerplate BS advice " oh don't worry, you'll find somebody else BS..." but i will say you should end this relationship, give yourself a break..a hiatus if you will, and leave the relationship thing alone for awhile, give yourself some time to heal and figure out what it is you want, in life and in a partner( if you choose to partner up again down the line).

when i broke up with my ex i could do was think about her and try to get her back, even though i broke it off( i hate being alone) and the best thing she did for me was not take me back & eventually my begging forced her to cut off all contact.

this gave me some time to figure out what it is i want and what is good for me..after the NC i tried to start up a couple of relationships..nothing progressed past talking/banter/correspondence. so thankfully i didn't do my usual hurry up and jump into a relationship so i'm not alone thing i always do.

and i won't lie at times i miss having a gf, but the solitude is good for me..it's helping me put myself back together (somewhat) but i think i need this, i handle it the best i can.

i really believe ending this( if you haven't already) and taking some alone time would be very beneficial to you, i hope this helps.