[Pregnant-help!]

My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years, I have a daughter who is 6 (from a previous abusive relationship) and I'm due in Sept. Before our unexpected pregnancy we were attending couples therapy sessions with a psychotherapist. My boyfriend puts me down all the time and often I do not feel like I can be open or share anything about my feelings in the relationship. I feel like I have been sinking emotionally and am becoming almost reclusive from others. He often consults all our relationship issues with friends but I feel like he only blames me for all issues within the relationship and chooses not to accept any ownership. I don't feel like I'm a bad person and I feel like I am a caring and loving person and now I feel judged by everyone around us. This is why I suggested the couples counselling as I could no longer continue feeling isolated from him telling everyone I am completely negative and anti social and I don't have any friends. I do have friends but I am introverted and there is nothing wrong with that, it is my personality type. I am so hurt. The counselling seemed to help at first but he continues to talk meanly to me and blame all our issues on me. Today I broke it off but it is not what I want. I am so scared to be raising a child alone again. I am 30 weeks pregnant and I just want a normal family life so bad and I am feeling so hopeless and underserving. I am 29 years old and so is he and when we conceived I thought everything would be swell. He owns his own home which my daughter and I live with him and we both are financially stable enough to support a child. My daughter has always wanted a sibling and I was so excited. I wish there was a way that he could be open to seeing how much he is hurting me by putting me down or telling me I am the negative person causing all issues. Always calling me anti social and snobby because I do not want to go out and socialize with all the people he backstabbed me with. The psychotherapist has mentioned this is emotional abuse in his presence and for a while after the sessions things got better. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't want to leave, I have never loved anyone like I love him.

[healingme4me]

Is this the environment to raise a child in, however? Insulting remarks, in front of children, damages children.
He isn't working to change? Where does he find the time to be such a socialite?



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[kaliope]

hi pregnant help
yes, once again you find yourself in an abusive relationship. it may not be the same type of abuse as your first relationship but it is just as damaging. think about how you feel when it puts you down and talks badly about you. this is not going to change. he continues to do it even after therapy. he makes it so you cant be with friends and makes you feel like everybody is against you essentially isolating you. I know it is scary to be on your own, but is this really the life you want to lead? I know I stayed in abusive relationships, hoping things would change, because in my sick way of thinking it meant I was worthy of love. things never changed though. I had to love myself enough to get out. will you feel more empowered as a mother on your own or with him being put down at every turn? think about it....take care. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Considering your feelings and vulnerability right now, can you insist that he go back to counseling with your or on his own? Let him know that the future of your relationship depends on a change in his behavior. If he refuses, you can begin to seriously contemplate leaving after the baby is born (give or take a few months). You don't sound ready to walk out now and, if you don't have any support system aside from him, start working on reconnecting with old/new friends now. This is important for you and your daughter. You have to think long term planning!

[winter4me]

Do get support for yourself (a pregnant mom's group/activities with others with your daughter/whether story time at a library, a mom and kid exercise/swim program/special walks/activities together/a therapist just for You.)---We tend to repeat patterns even when they are not healthy---it is such a hard place to be in. I am glad you feel that you are a good and loving person, that you are lonely but not allowing your partner to dictate your self-worth (which will happen if you let it....) I don't know if he is willing to change...but you can change what you do----easier said than done, especially with so much responsibility, and the lost dreams/hopes/the revival of hope, and the dashing...Take good care of yourself & your children, you won't regret that. (((((hug)))))