Adults are so selfish.

I did not think all of them were, I knew a lot are but also a lot of other kids where pretty damn selfish to. I think selfishness is sort of encouraged in society which is the issue, but its not only adults who display it.

Aww Kori............... I so wish you could find people who you can share a laugh with. You deserve some-one to care about you. I get into bad head spaces too. I just want to shut the world out.

I do care. The internet is such an impersonal place.

I wish you joy,
I wish you peace,
I wish for smiles on the people that you meet.

You are a sweet rose. Some relationships take time to develop. Have patience hunny bun.

I completely agree with what you said.

Wow! So sorry you could not just vent your feelings without people getting so defensive. You can PM me anytime if you just want to talk. I will listen. Hope you have a good day today!((((((Kori))))))

Yes it is more often than not that adults act selfishly but to me, this should not be used as an excuse or licence to be selfish... We find this fork in the road on a daily basis where we have to make a choice; whether to be selfless or otherwise. In times like these, I tend to tell myself what Captain Kirk and Spock say: , “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” (or “the one”).

When we are unhappy with another person/people we call them names - selfish, greedy, egotistical, mean, jerk and so on. Kori I do not doubt for one minute that you are unhappy with the work experience.

Yes, I am talking about one of my experiences because I empathize with you not because I am trying to be selfish. It totally sucks to not feel part of a team. I still go through this at work as well. I'm very different and like that about myself...but I do not always fit into the group. I have learned to understand that about myself.

I also understand about meeting "good people" - I have been betrayed and let down more times than I can count - but each of those relationships had some type of meaning - they were not all bad.

I hope you feel loved and accepted. I also hope you understand all the very good things about yourself. The right people will gravitate toward you.

As I read through this conversation, I thought that maybe the whole thread needed a trigger warning because so many people have felt betrayed by people they've trusted or reached out to for help. As I read, I saw defensiveness and ire were raised on both sides of the question of whether or not adults are selfish. Or young people, or people in general, or current society or none/all of the above.

I felt some of my own past hurts being triggered. Did anyone else feel that way?

Kori (and anyone else who feels they've been let down by the selfishness of others) I'm sorry you've been hurt in this way. I hope that slowly, over time, you can find some friends deserving of your trust and friendship.

And to the posters who feel they have given of themselves unselfishly, only to be unappreciated or scorned or kicked in the chops, I hope the same for you. Maybe that's why people responded defensively. It's not really all that uncommon for people to give everything they've got to others, only to be slapped down, ignored or walked on. If giving unselfishly has worked out well, then there's really no need to feel defensive about the whole thing.

Every aspect of problematic mental health is littered with broken hearts and disappointment in other people. I think it's one of the main reasons people turn inward, bitter, angry and despairing. There's so much pain caused by this very subject.

That's why I think this thread deserves a trigger warning. How many of us have actually avoided being on one end or the other of the problematic aspects of selfishness and selflessness? Not many, I'm willing to bet. Not me. There are lots of wounds on both sides. I've been on both sides myself. This thread, and the more impassioned responses in it, triggered a lot of old stuff for me. I wish I'd had the sense to not read it.

SC

I'm sorry if anything I said triggered u. It was not my intent and I should have put a trigger warning on my post. I tend to usually since I do not know what triggers others only what triggers me. I am sorry again. In my future posts I will try as remember to add the icon.

Thanks for letting me know.
I'll contact a mod to let them add the trigger warning. I'm sorry you felt triggered by this thread.
I honestly thought this was a place I could go to rant and let off steam and get help, but I guess I was wrong. So far no one has really asked me what was bothering me to begin with. I explained why I felt adults were selfish but I never got to say what upset me in the first place.

Edit:
Actually I was wrong. Of all the people the replied to this thread only one person asked me to talk about what was upsetting me. And only one person continued to talk with me through it. I guess one person is all I need, but it does make me feel bad to know that I'm so hated that no one else would ask what the matter was.

I never got to explain what really upset me in detail,
This post will be triggering, so please don't read if CSA bothers you.
Hopefully soon this thread will have a trigger warning.

Anyway.
A lot of memories of an abusive relationship I was in came up when my abusive ex tried to get back in contact with me. I was 15 when we started dating and he was 25. He was physically abusive and sexually abusive. I had to call the police on him at one point because the abuse got so bad. I felt really messed up by him asking to get back together because I had literally forgotten all about him until he wrote me again. I'm upset at him for being so selfish. Then I didn't know what to do about him so I talked to someone I considered to be a friend who is married and in their twenties. They seemingly ignored me and started asking me for advice on his sexual relationship with his wife, despite all the times I tell him I have no sexual experience with anyone except those experiences that were abusive. (Such as being raped and sexually abused by my uncle for a while, and then The sexual abuse from the bad relationship.) Then other things like work just elevated my feelings of anger towards adults.
I was hurt by that and he kept triggering my PTSD. That was what really caused me to get so angry. I came here because I felt like people would try to help me. I felt like people here would understand.

I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad, I was feeling bad myself.

Kori, you didn't say anything wrong. At all. If a person innocently, for their own reasons, says something about their own feelings with no intent to hurt or trigger something in someone else, then there's no way at all they did anything wrong.

In your second post you said you'd asked an adult for some advice or help about someone who was bugging you in a way that was triggering you and all the adult could do was talk about themselves, and that you'd heard your co-workers speaking badly about you and, most distressing of all, that you'd been in a dating situation with an adult in the past who had misused you. It's no wonder you don't trust adults!

If there is something that's bugging you a lot that is bringing on these feelings about adult selfishness, this is a place to talk about it and I think people would like to know what you've been going through. I would like to know.

I think maybe you didn't get as many supportive responses as one would have liked because this is such a trigger situation for so many people. Not just you and not just me, but for many people.

It's a trigger situation for me, but that's in no way your doing or your fault or your responsibility. You did nothing wrong by starting this thread.

Maybe we all could use a group hug and an acknowledgment that this is a hot topic. If you care to talk about what set you off to begin with, I promise to listen carefully and to offer you support and encouragement and hugs, if that's what you need and want in the present moment.

Kori Anders,

You didn't do anything wrong here. You're entitled to your opinion, don't let anyone make you feel bad for stating what you think.

Kori, I just read what you wrote in your last post. I am so sorry that you've experienced so much trauma and abuse and that your abuser has recontacted you. That's enough to throw anyone into a state of anger and confusion.

Knowing you have suffered so much puts everything you've said into perspective. Your feelings are very understandable. I'm sorry if anything I said, anything at all, hurt your feelings or caused you any distress. I'm sure posters here at Psych Central will offer you the support you deserve.

Yes many people are selfish, but there are times when it appears that someone is acting in a selfish way when they are actually doing the right thing.

But far worse are the manipulative people who seem caring but have their own agenda.

I wish us all the best of luck figuring all this out.

All humans are selfish. That's just how we are.

Children are selfish too.

i hope you feel better, i did note that this thread has brought out quite a few impassioned responses, more than i would have initially thought

Kori, you aren't hated! I love you and surely aslo many other people here do. Personally, I didn't ask you if you wanted to talk because since you said that something had triggered your PTSD, but you didn't go into details, I thought that maybe you didn't want to talk about it. But if you need something I'm here, now you know it
A grouphug is a good idea

Everyone is selfish. It's the nature of the beast.

Children, teenagers and adults, are in general, ALL selfish. IMO.

OMG Kori, you have a similar story to my own! I was 14 when I met this guy who was 24...he was my first love. He abused me too both physically and mentally. I left him when I was 18. Till this day, I am now 33, I still have nightmares about the horrible things he did to me. He ruined my life which I am still slowly piecing together.

I am so sorry you went through what you did..

If you want to talk to me about it, pm me any time. I have been through the same thing so I understand.

What you've been through sounds traumatic.

Adults that go for older teens, have no idea, the damage that creates. It is abuse, then to behave abusively on top of that moral violation, for shame.

Are you in therapy, I hope? It tends to affect how people in general are perceived, touch of cynicism, it's as if with that loss of innocence time frame, coupled by abuses, (15-27/8?) It's trauma, indeed. See how it affected perceptions, even here?
...just read thru thread, first time now...

There's a feeling, I've found of feeling tossed to the wolves through that time frame, and sometimes that feeling comes back. I tend to stand back, trying to comprehend, if the person is friendly, like a turtle peeking out of shell. I was fortunate, to get a bit of nurturing added to trauma, so i don't always feel in fight mode during a trigger. .

Yes I am in therapy.
What you are saying makes sense. At the time I thought I was mature enough to be in a relationship with an older man , but really I should have known it was a bad idea.

I take it you are very young but I used to feel the same way as you when I was a teenager and I also thought nearly everybody hated people with disabilities but I have come to find there are people out there that are kind, caring and generous and you just have to dig a little deeper in between all the dirt to find them.

Hi Kori,

I'm sorry to hear your story. It is very detrimental to encounter so many selfish people at a young age like yourself. I understand why you may think all adults are like that since that is all you've been exposed to. I am older than you and have met selfish people of all ages. I have also met kind, wonderful, caring people along the way so I know they do exist. The only suggestion I can offer you is to hold onto the goodness within you. Try very hard not to lose it because there are others like you are looking hard to find someone with similar values. Remain cautious of the people you meet. Hold back from giving yourself to them until you see the true nature of their character. How can you determine that? By observation of how they treat others. Don't draw your conclusions based on seeing them with one individual, wait until you see how they treat their family, friends, co-workers & even strangers. I have met strangers nicer to me than those that I have known for years. Life is peculiar. Please stay as you are and don't succumb to the bad influences around you. One day you'll meet the better people of this world.

It's difficult, as years pass, to hold yourself completely accountable for teenage decisions, of this magnitude. This other person is the one who should have known better, they misguided you, in your vulnerable youth.