To long or not long enough?

Ok so me an my GF hav been together for almost 4 years. We live together and were even homeless together. 2 years ago this month is when we were able to gather enough money to move to this crappy trailer park with the most repugnant roommate u can ask for.. Ive been able to put away money even tho i cudnt get a job till 6 months ago. She has had 2 semi high paying jobs since we went homeless an hasnt put any money away. Ive been busting my @$$ trying to get a nice house or apartment. Sumthing i can b proud of. An in 6 months time of a **** job i was able to put away several grand. She hasnt put anything and ive been the one covering the larger half of bills and groceries. Mind u, i love this grl with all my heart bt she always tells me she goin to do this or do that an it never happens so i feel like she jus lying to me. Ive been setting "deadlines" as to when we shud b able to move and it always pused bk bcuz of her. An cuz of the fact tht i feel like i cnt trust her lately, i havent told her i love her or kissed her in over a month. I miss what it feels like to have sum1 hold me bt i dnt want to keep giving my love to sum1 i dnt kno i can trust. Do i keep givin her time an possibly keep getting disappointed or do cut the whole thing off an jus go our separate ways? Cuz living in the place we r now is actually killing me. Its a molded out trailer tht im scared to cook in cuz of my nasty roommate. And i cnt afford to live in my own

Hi, SpiffyP, and welcome to Psych Central! To answer your question, I would say "too long." What's she spending all her money on? I wouldn't want to stay in a bad situation with someone who is not carrying her share and who I can't trust.

I don't think she is doing it deliberately, I think she has never practiced saving money, does not know how, sees what she wants and buys that, etc.

I would call her bluff on her promises and go straight to "write me a check for $50 every payday to put in the saving-to-move-out account." Make the goal very clear-cut and unavoidable (and interesting/exciting -- start apartment hunting together?). If she will not work with you when you specifically and point blank ask for help, then I would decide she was not the partner for me.

Totally agree with Perna. If she won't agree or makes more excuses, then it's been 'too long'.

Btw...how is it she hasn't noticed the lack of kissing or telling her you love her in over a month???! I'm assuming you're still being intimate, but no kissing? Something smells in the proverbial denmark and I'm willing to bet it's not just a moldy trailer and trashy roommate.

I do think you can find a place to rent on your own, even if it means another (cleaner, not nasty) roommate...maybe check the newspaper or go online to look...Being in the situation your in with that place and your gf isn't just physically unhealthy. It appears to be affecting your emotional health as well.

Take care

I cant mentally handle whatever a new roommate may bring. I honestly cant stand being around ppl. An as for my GF, she took a whole damn week to ask me why i havnt been affectionate wit her. Its past a month now an she tells me everyday how she misses me even tho we sleep in the same bed bt i told her she cnt HAVE ME have me till we move. NOW she wants to save. Bt i told her how do i kno shes not gona pull this **** in a year or 2? I feel like she only wants to b wit me cuz she feels shes gona b alone forever bt i guess ill nvr rly kno. I stopped all trust in ppl tht i kno so idk what to believe anymore.

Your relationship appears rocky all across the board.. Has she always been bad with money ? Where is her money right now actually going to ?

I feel bad for you ... Are you able to sit down with her and have a discussion about ALL the problems ???

I understand your not wanting another roommate but If she is unwilling to help improve your living situation you really need to look at the possibility of breaking up and your living elsewhere.

I wish you luck

We try to talk about it all the time bt it turns into an argument cuz i have a short fuse. My problem with moving with sum1 else is tht it needs to b in a certain area cuz i have no car so my GF drops me otw to her job. Theres no bus stop by my job so there goes tht. I used to ride my bike bt now i wrk im the ammo dpt (i wrk at a gun/archery store/range) so i jus dnt hav it in me anymore. I hate waking up every morning cuz i feel like its jus gettin worse n worse. Ive asked her to leave bt all she can do is go bk to her moms which she dnt want cuz her stepdad hates tht she gay so i feel bad she has nowhere to go at the moment. I pretty much dnt hav a family. The day my mom kickd me out, was the last time i spoke to anyone in my family. (They also hav an issue wit the gay thing). Shes been showing me tht she made a new savings account an has put alil away bt how do it kno she wont go bk to her old ways? If i move with a new roommate, how do i kno i cant trust THEM? I dnt kno if any of u have been to or live in pompano beach florida bt everyone here is rude, ghetto, a thief or all 3 combined. Shes the only person tht has ever been able to put up wit my temper. Im sry my blurbs of info r all over the place. Thts jus how i feel :'(

Maybe this was the wake-up call she needed. Trusting her, with money will come as she gets it together and proves in time.
Not sure where else she's breached trust, hope you can resolve it.

What about a specific bank account for bills? Both names, both contribute?

I keep hoping its gona b different bt in the back of my mind cant help thinking "this isnt gona last long." I never had anyone actualy stay in my life for so long so i dbt rly kno how to handle this

The idea of moving, in and of itself is stressful. Trying to plan ahead and make new dreams, with another, feels rather vulnerable, I can relate to that.
Sounds like, you're ready, but also willing to do so independently. Getting your gf on the same page, is a huge leap of faith. Seems only natural that you are questioning her ability to commit to this, as you are. Sticking to a savings plan, is an action that speaks louder than words. Plus, her lack of effort with savings denotes a valid reason to doubt, or not trust her intentions.
How far out, timewise, are you both to moving?

We've been looking at places for about a year. Ive been setting "deadlines" which i want to move by for months an everytime its "tht time again" shes nowhere near rdy. Sumtimes she says its her student loans so i tell her go back to school so ahe can atleast hold off on paying for awhile. I even said id take a class with her an i loathe school lol

I do think it would help if she provided some of her money, but i would wait awhile to make sure she sticks with the deal and does't go back to her old ways because she would just be trying to prove herself until she could get away with not helping again. If i were you i myself would try to get the counseling you need too.

We jus had an arguement. I told her jus pack her **** an go cuz i cant take this anymore. Im sittin outside my job in tears. All i want is to b happy an i feel like ill never even kno what tht feels like. I miss what she used to b to me. I miss my old house. I miss my life b4 all this. An i dnt even hav so much as a picture to remember

hang in there, the first few days are the toughest..but it gets better, two months from now you'll be glad you did this.

i broke up with my ex 7 months ago & it's been hard..but i know it was the best thing for the both of us.i'm not going to tell you you are not going to still think about or miss her. i still think about mine( not as much as i used to..but i do)

best thing to do is exactly what you are doing, the crying helps a lot.i did a lot of crying over my ex and the more i cried the better i felt.she will always have a special place in my heart..but we just couldn't make it work & i realize that now.

hope this helps