[Astriferous]

(trigger warning for mention of self-harm and suicide)



Recently, I've opened up to one of my very close friends about my problems with self-injury. She's been a huge supporter during my recovery from mental illness, in fact she even convinced me to go to a partial hospital when I was suicidal, so I felt pretty comfortable opening up to her about this subject.

It came up when she invited me to go swimming at her house. Because I would be wearing a swimsuit, I just gave her a head's up that I had some red marks on my legs from self-harm, so she wouldn't be allowed. This lead to her revoking my invitation to her house, and then a full-blown argument, which was eventually resolved peacefully and rationally. Since we've resolved our fight, I've noticed that she's been talking to me less and less. At first, I thought she was just caught up with work, but once she has the time we're able to talk via text or phone calls, but it's been a few weeks since the incident, and now I'm becoming paranoid that she's avoiding me because of my instability, which is triggering my fear of abandonment.

I'm at a loss at what I should do. Normally, I would just confront her about it and ask her if she was trying to avoid my emotional baggage, but I'm afraid that I might come off as attacking her, and I'd hate to ruin my friendship with her. She's saved my life; I can't imagine my life without her. Do any of you have advice on what I should do?

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Astriferous

(trigger warning for mention of self-harm and suicide)



Recently, I've opened up to one of my very close friends about my problems with self-injury. She's been a huge supporter during my recovery from mental illness, in fact she even convinced me to go to a partial hospital when I was suicidal, so I felt pretty comfortable opening up to her about this subject.

It came up when she invited me to go swimming at her house. Because I would be wearing a swimsuit, I just gave her a head's up that I had some red marks on my legs from self-harm, so she wouldn't be allowed. This lead to her revoking my invitation to her house, and then a full-blown argument, which was eventually resolved peacefully and rationally. Since we've resolved our fight, I've noticed that she's been talking to me less and less. At first, I thought she was just caught up with work, but once she has the time we're able to talk via text or phone calls, but it's been a few weeks since the incident, and now I'm becoming paranoid that she's avoiding me because of my instability, which is triggering my fear of abandonment.

I'm at a loss at what I should do. Normally, I would just confront her about it and ask her if she was trying to avoid my emotional baggage, but I'm afraid that I might come off as attacking her, and I'd hate to ruin my friendship with her. She's saved my life; I can't imagine my life without her. Do any of you have advice on what I should do?

tell her how you feel and you are scared she doesn't want to be your friend any more and you need reassurance..that's what i would do

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Astriferous

(
I'm at a loss at what I should do. Normally, I would just confront her about it and ask her if she was trying to avoid my emotional baggage, but I'm afraid that I might come off as attacking her, and I'd hate to ruin my friendship with her. She's saved my life; I can't imagine my life without her. Do any of you have advice on what I should do?

Yeah, I can see how asking her, if she's trying to avoid your emotional baggage, could create an argument. It's 'mind reading' mentality.

It's better to address, the fact, that you are feeling distant since the argument over swimming. You are feeling a little...(fill in the feeling), because you are afraid of losing her in your life. And then ask, if it's something she'd like to talk about?

[hvert]

I really like healingme4me's suggestion.

I would also think back to conversations with her before the swimming argument. Have things been well balanced between you two? I have taken a step back sometimes when it feels like the relationship is only about me supporting the other person. I'm not suggesting that your friendship is like that, but is it possible she is a bit overwhelmed?

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by hvert

I really like healingme4me's suggestion.

I would also think back to conversations with her before the swimming argument. Have things been well balanced between you two? I have taken a step back sometimes when it feels like the relationship is only about me supporting the other person. I'm not suggesting that your friendship is like that, but is it possible she is a bit overwhelmed?

The first part of our relationship was a bit one-sided, as we became friends pretty much right before my depression worsened and I was
admitted to a partial hospital program. Since then, I've been pretty emotionally stable, but there have been times where I've gotten upset over trivial things around her and I've began to cry. I can definitely see if she's somewhat overwhelmed. If that is it, I'm pretty disappointed that she's choosing to avoid me instead of telling me that I'm too intense and volatile for her.

Before the swimming incident, things were pretty normal, except for the few times that I've become irrationally upset.

I also really like healingme4me's suggestion.

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

tell her how you feel and you are scared she doesn't want to be your friend any more and you need reassurance..that's what i would do

That's what my gut is telling me to do... The only thing that's stopping me is my fear of her reaction.

[RRex]

My best friend dumped me like a hot rock after I went into psychosis five years ago. It took a long time, but I've moved on.

It happens. You just have to work through it.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Astriferous

That's what my gut is telling me to do... The only thing that's stopping me is my fear of her reaction.

this is what i would say " (insert friend's name here) you are a very important person to me, you saved my life and that really means a lot to me & you are the best friend a person could ever ask for i don't want to lose you as a friend because you mean so much to me and i am so grateful for what you have done for me..but it seems like you are avoiding me a bit and i'm really scared that you don't want to be my friend anymore, i hope i'm just overreacting but i just had to ask because it's really been bothering me..."

hope this helps!