[Rainbows87]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have been living together for a year and in the beginning meaning until Jan of this year we were great! We went on trips around the world, had adrenaline rushing adventures and just enjoyed being around each other. When we came home from one of our travels at the beginning of this year that's when the stresses started. We went from being able to do anything to trying to figure out how we were going to pay bills for the following month.

When the stresses started so did the lack of sexual drive on my girlfriend's end. The intimacy started to fade, I started to get annoyed by how much she partied and how she wouldn't come home at the end of the night and so on. Even with the stresses I was still trying to shower her with gifts and romantic things around the house (special dinners, bubble baths after work, etc) none of these things seemed to be helping in addition to me beginning to truly feel taken advantage of. She would only vocally say thank you and that was it and it made me think back to the trips and adventures that I had paid for that she had only just said "thank you".

I love being romantic and I like for romantic things to happen for me and she just wasn't giving them to me. But I love her. I just recently brought this up...feeling taken for granted and she hit me with the water ballon of "I don't know if I'm IN love with you but I do love you."

I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied with "do people ever truly STAY in love? I know plenty of couples who fall in and out of love all the time but that doesn't mean they love or care for each other any less." Which is true, my mother is living proof of that but right now I'm not sure how to handle this whole thing. I feel rejected on top of still feeling taken for granted.

She said she wants to try to work it out by being a little more appreciative and if it works out it does and if it doesn't it doesn't. I don't like her nonchalant attitude towards this whole thing but I know she's right. My only issues with her is that I don't feel appreciated anything else is very minor to me aside from the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" statement she hit me with.

I guess the over all question I'm asking is: are there others who have fallen in and out of love with their partners and somehow the relationship just continues to work? Is it still possible that we could find the spark again? She says she still has romantic feelings towards me and still sees me sexually attractive. Any help would in fact help me right now.

[waiting4]

Rainbows87 I'm sorry you're going thru this....honestly, 'in love' relationships do last, or CAN last, but the fact is, you have to want it, and be ready to work at it. The 'honeymooon' phase, is just that. It's fun, exciting etc. but after all is said and done, there has to be a deeper feeling to keep the relationship going, and to get over the daily stresses.

I know you said that it was mostly the lack of appreciation that was getting to you, and everything else was minor...somehow I think that's not entirely true. I think you already were questioning what was going on with her attitude toward you which you finally spoke to her of.

I think her comment 'do people truly STAY in love' is a cop out IMO. Her nonchalant reaction to your questions, and the bomb of not being 'in love' is telling. Unfortunately, in spite of all you've done, I don't know if she even WANTS to be in a relationship with you. Sorry to say that.

Thing, is....do YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who's only saving grace is a partnership in a memory? Two years is a long time, true....but one should never stay in a relationship which is unsatisfying or hurtful, just because of the time invested. I think you have some considering to do...possible couples counselling...although, I don't actually see her agreeing to that either.

It might be time to just end it, so you can be open to someone who will appreciate you for how you treat them, and will treat you with the same respect and love. I just don't think she's ever going to. And I don't think you do, either.

[niceguy]

Hi,
Sorry to break this to you -but this is not the one.

If you are IN love with somebody, it differs.

When you love someone, it is for all their great qualities and to be honest, not diminishing that love -yet when you are In love -while it may fade, it is not what she is saying.

it sounds like she may be a bit over the relationship now. She is aware how great you are on paper, but is unsure if you are 'the one'.

take it from someone who knows, if they are questioning it now - it is only a matter of time, before the questions are answered and goodbye is all you will hear.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with the above posters, and just wanted to add that IMO she seemed to stop being inlove with you when you stopped being able to "afford" her...

Well from what you've described in your timeline that's what I've gathered i.e...
*2 years of trips and adventures - good relationship

* wondering how to pay the bills - partying without you, escalated to I'm not inlove with you.

[ChipperMonkey]

I agree with the others----She "loved" you when you were taking her on adventures around the world, but now that reality has hit home and you are struggling with paying the bills, she has already moved on. Yes, I think you need to face the fact that she has already moved on, perhaps not in her words, but in her actions.

Find a girl who feels loved and appreciated with just the little things----a bubble bath, romantic dinner, flowers, or a random love note. This is the type of girl who won't take you for granted, and when you do eventually take her on a trip somewhere special, she will be over the moon!

As for your current partner, she seems to love what you do for her, or is it that you do it for her? I can't help but think that a large part of the reason she was with you was because you took her around the world. If those trips never took place, I somehow doubt she would still be with you.

She is telling you exactly how she feels, now it is up to you whether or not you listen to her. She has told you that she isn't in love with you... Uhm, was she ever in love with you? Don't infer her follow up statement of "do people ever stay in love?" to mean that at one point she was in love with you. It may be a shading of words in order to throw you off....which is what I'm guessing.

The thing is that true love oftentimes doesn't really set in until after the romantic love wears down. Its so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of romance that the deeper feelings of true love go neglected/unnoticed or even uncultivated. Is there a deeper sense of love between the two of you? Somehow, I am doubting so... Someone who truly loves you isn't going to jump ship as soon as tough times set in. Someone who truly loves you will weather the storm with you. Unfortunately, this girl seems like a fair weather lover.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Rainbows87

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have been living together for a year and in the beginning meaning until Jan of this year we were great! We went on trips around the world, had adrenaline rushing adventures and just enjoyed being around each other. When we came home from one of our travels at the beginning of this year that's when the stresses started. We went from being able to do anything to trying to figure out how we were going to pay bills for the following month.

When the stresses started so did the lack of sexual drive on my girlfriend's end. The intimacy started to fade, I started to get annoyed by how much she partied and how she wouldn't come home at the end of the night and so on. Even with the stresses I was still trying to shower her with gifts and romantic things around the house (special dinners, bubble baths after work, etc) none of these things seemed to be helping in addition to me beginning to truly feel taken advantage of. She would only vocally say thank you and that was it and it made me think back to the trips and adventures that I had paid for that she had only just said "thank you".

I love being romantic and I like for romantic things to happen for me and she just wasn't giving them to me. But I love her. I just recently brought this up...feeling taken for granted and she hit me with the water ballon of "I don't know if I'm IN love with you but I do love you."

I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied with "do people ever truly STAY in love? I know plenty of couples who fall in and out of love all the time but that doesn't mean they love or care for each other any less." Which is true, my mother is living proof of that but right now I'm not sure how to handle this whole thing. I feel rejected on top of still feeling taken for granted.

She said she wants to try to work it out by being a little more appreciative and if it works out it does and if it doesn't it doesn't. I don't like her nonchalant attitude towards this whole thing but I know she's right. My only issues with her is that I don't feel appreciated anything else is very minor to me aside from the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" statement she hit me with.

I guess the over all question I'm asking is: are there others who have fallen in and out of love with their partners and somehow the relationship just continues to work? Is it still possible that we could find the spark again? She says she still has romantic feelings towards me and still sees me sexually attractive. Any help would in fact help me right now.

well i hate to say this, but it appears that she loved "what you did for her" and not you. the "i love you but i'm not in love with you" is the atomic bomb statement to any relationship. in no uncertain terms..it's over.

sadly, it's women like this that make good guys go bad & by the time the find a good girl that will appreciated the romantic things that you like to for your girl, you've already sworn never to make that "mistake" again. funny how that works out, then they end up on the short end of the stick, dealing with the bitterness from past destruction.

i can only tell you that this is not the girl for you & hopefully this won't poison you for someone else as it has done so many guys before you.there are good girls out there..they are few and far in between, it's a jungle out there now for guys and gals alike..there are predators everywhere, you must be diligent in protecting yourself and your heart.

the best advice i can give you is to take it slow from the beginning and let things grow from there, you can't come out the gate taking trips around the world..you have to see what you got before you do all that.start with little things, then when you know she is the right girl you can open the floodgates!
hee hee..hope this helps!