i have been married for the last 15 years(its my 2nd marriage) and just found out that my husband has been cheating with my 27yo daughter(note;she is not his biological daughter he is her step father).apparently it has been happening behind my back for the last year or so I found out through a friend she only just found out recently and told me asap as soon as I found out I confronted my husband about his affair with her his response was 'it only happened twice' following his response I asked him to pack his bags and leave he has tried contacting me since I booted him out but I don't want a bar of him I also confronted my daughter about (who is married herself) it and her response was 'we didn't want to hurt anyone so we kept it a secret' I too haven't spoken to her since last week I have only told a few people about this but I feel so let down and betrayed by them both I am considering getting a divorce this has truly affected me and now I am just angry,shocked and hurt how do I deal with the both of them?

[waiting4]

Hi dismalcarnyclownxxx .... sorry you're going thru this pain. I can't imagine how awful it has been for you, and their lack of understanding of just how much they hurt you is astonishing...of course, had they cared in the first place, the affair likely would not have happened.

I suggest you talk to your doctor about the stress your under, and talk to a therapist who can better guide you thru the minefield of emotions you are dealing with now, and in the near future.

Take care of your own emotional health and physical health first. Then deal with both your husband and daughter when you are stronger, and not so freshly hurt.

Take care...sending supportive thoughts your way....

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by dismalcarnyclownxxx

i have been married for the last 15 years(its my 2nd marriage) and just found out that my husband has been cheating with my 27yo daughter(note;she is not his biological daughter he is her step father).apparently it has been happening behind my back for the last year or so I found out through a friend she only just found out recently and told me asap as soon as I found out I confronted my husband about his affair with her his response was 'it only happened twice' following his response I asked him to pack his bags and leave he has tried contacting me since I booted him out but I don't want a bar of him I also confronted my daughter about (who is married herself) it and her response was 'we didn't want to hurt anyone so we kept it a secret' I too haven't spoken to her since last week I have only told a few people about this but I feel so let down and betrayed by them both I am considering getting a divorce this has truly affected me and now I am just angry,shocked and hurt how do I deal with the both of them?

i don't even know what to say, i'm guessing i would be done with both of them..the husband should know better..that is just waaaay too far.

i could never forgive that one.

idk, it is a pickle. not a good tasting one either.
i have to admit i really don't know what else to say..i'm at a loss for words

[winter4me]

A divorce seems appropriate.
If he was the father in the house when she was a minor, I would want to know if he had ever been inappropriate with her when she was younger.
I would get some help in working through your feelings...especially in order to continue/resume a relationship with your daughter....so sorry, this is terribly painful, and it's a long road.

[hannabee]

So that means your daughter was 12 when he came into your life. Sorry to think that he may be a pedophile that has taken advantage of his situation. I'd be taking a long hard look at the memories I would have about he and my child. Was he inappropriate at all? And if I thought so, I'd call the authorities and a good lawyer. I think I might even sue him for alienation of affection from my daughter.
IDK, Im probably rambling here, but I am soooo damn mad that I can't think straight.
I wish you the strength you will need to get through this horrible, horrible situation.

[~Christina]

I would find a Therapist .....you really need someone to help you deal with all the emotions your having to face .. and I would divorce him with out a doubt .

Im so sorry your dealing with so much.

[healingme4me]

That is too much grief to go about coping alone. Divorce, most definitely.
Get yourself through this first , and in time, depending on wide range of factors, and if she gets her own therapist, maybe there's a glimmer of hope to patch and recover with your daughter, situation depending.

Gut wrenching story.