[Jenn1fer82]

What are somethings that should be considered in dating someone that is younger than you. I'm a 25 year old female and he's 21 years old. To even think about dating him makes me feel uncomfortable because I have younger siblings and one of them is a year older then him. I just can't imagine myself dating one of my sibling's friends. Wouldn't that just be odd?
I really do enjoy his company and we've had many mature converstations that have surpised me that at his age he would even think about.

Why is it so complicated for a female to date someone who is younger than her then compared to a man?

[Wants2Fly]

Goodness, Jennifer, four years is nothing. I was with a man 4 years younger than I am for 15 years. It was completely a non-issue with us and everyone who knew us, including our parents. I guess secretly I felt a bit glad to have snagged a "younger man."

[valexand]

I am soooo glad to see your post today and it such great timing!!! This age difference is NOTHING compared to what I experienced yesterday...
I am 30 years old and yesterday I went on a date with this incredible, amazing, nicest man I have ever met. The big problem: he just turned 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, he looks a lot older. I was blown away when he revealed his age to me and then I became sad because I knew inside of me that this should not go any further. Now by the end of our night -we went for a drink- and even till today I feel glad and greatful that life had me meet such a nice person. He is the most man of men I have ever met. He was nice and caring, had great manners, everything...everything a man can be! Our conversation was fantastic and I was amazed on how mature he was for his age. This was my best date ever!
Inside of me I feel that overall my timing in life, my whole birth, is completely offset! Wrong timing in life! I am currently hoping that all this 30 thing is just a practical joke and that somebody is going to pop out to tell me "hey, you are not really 30! It was all a joke! In reality you are 25!!".
Nobody has ever treated me as nice as that young man. I simply wanted to fall into his arms and tell him to take me away. I have decided that I am absolutely NOT going to encourage this to go any further.....BUT.....if he insists.....I can see myself going with it. I mean, what can I do? I am human too, right? Then again if Demi Moore goes to heaven, maybe I'll have somebody there to pull me in......hehehe!

[LMo]

I was 30 and my husband was 25 when we first met. I had a LOT of hesitation about dating him. I was looking for someone older who was ready to settle down, and my husband seemed young even for 25. It was awkward for the first 6 months or so, but eventually he grew up a bit and I let my hair down a bit more, and it's been 7 years so far and I don't notice the age difference at all anymore.

I think that the compatibility lies not so much in physical age, but rather 'point in life'. My H and I were at dramatically different points in our lives, which contributed to our relationship struggles much more than our physical ages. But we got through it and I'm still 3000% positive that I made the right choice

[valexand]

You know what???? Bless them!!!! Bless all those younger men who can love us older gals like that! Bless them for being so capable to treat us so nice!!!! I still feel so great after that date with the 21-year-old. I know, part of me feels wierd, maybe even bad about this but gosh....I had such a good time!!!!
It was like taking a small break, a time-out from what should be, from what society wants or expects, from all that. It has actually encouraged me to continue with my diet and to increase exercise too.
What I also noticed is that during this date, I was so relaxed. Every other time I go out with "a possibility" I have this voice inside my head that asks "Could it be you? Is it you? Is it? Huh??" . But this time I had eliminated that voice since I started off this date with the "yea, this isn't going anywhere, so just enjoy the moment". For what its worth...it got be daydreaming...which hadn't happened in such a looong time, and in my dreams things can happen as I want them too, hehe!

my SO is ten years younger............his mother was 9 when i was born........ and i've dated even younger men than him......

after my first divorce, at 32, i had a blast with a 21 year old.....we're still close friends.....

society is screwed up.

from the other side of the fence has it were, i can honestly say i have never dated anyone younger than my self or even the same age, i prefer older women, always have and always will, they are so much smarter, confident, attractive, settled, well in my mind anyway.

The age gap differance makes no odds to me, i dont see it has a restriction per se, everyone to his or her own i say, sod society and their perception of the rules of dating, thats their rules not mine, i have dated a woman twice my age, i was 20 at the time, and was married to a woman 7 years older than me.

all that matters is if you like the guy dont deny yourself this chance because its not the "social norm" give it a go you might be surprised.

Hey, I agree with fayerody-- "society is screwed up."
I don't believe in double standards! If a man of 30 or 40 can have a 20 something wife then I think the reverse should also be accepted. Where did this nonsense of women having to be younger than their mates come from anyway??? (I believe it's a dominant-submissive idea and also that men being older will die first-- thus sparing them from ever living alone or dealing with a spouse's death) I think it's dumb!-- but then, I've always been one that questions most "norms" (feeling vocal at the moment- )

BTW-- I am a tiny bit older than my hubby--only by 8 months-- so I guess maybe we're considered the same age.

mandy

[valexand]

Well the thing with younger men is that they should not be considered as possibilities for having a solid future. Or should they? It is such a risk! Can you go ahead with a real relationship like this? No matter what, while you are getting older and baggy, he will look fresh, young and great! With time the gap will look even greater and greater on the appearance. Gosh, I am scared even to imagine this for myself! And suddenly one day he will be looking at the younger ones......and then I would "have to understand" this since I 'll be the older and wiser one.
Society is screwed up! I wish we could be like how the guys have it on this one!!!

[LMo]

I don't feel any kind of societal discrimination for a woman to date a younger man... at least, not any more than a man to date a much younger woman. Both situations turn heads from what I've noticed

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I don't feel any kind of societal discrimination for a woman to date a younger man... at least, not any more than a man to date a much younger woman. Both situations turn heads from what I've noticed



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Really, LMo? No one has ever commented to you that you robbed the cradle? I've been told that more times than I can count.... and I'm just 8 months older! Makes me mad when people say that to me!

mandy

[LMo]

no, not really that. What gets me are the 'sugar momma' comments. But that's not so much a function of his age as it is his job history (mostly due to anxiety and depression). THAT'S the stigma that infuriates me. I've rarely heard comments about the age thing. I don't look a whole lot older than he does, so maybe that's why?

Funny, I just got off the phone with an old friend who I haven't spoken to in about a year. She just got out of a 10 year marriage and is now dating a 21 year old -- and she's 45!

Ironic!

any and all relationships are a risk in one way or another, all that matters is you both make the effort to make it work,
it all boils down to if you are willing to take that risk irrespective of the age of you or your choosen partner, whether you be the older partner or he be the older partner it doesnt matter. give it a try you never know where it might lead.

LMo-- People very often guess that I'm 10 years younger than I am... it's not the way we look together ..... it's in conversations that people make comments about robbing the cradle-- once they find out I'm a few months older. it's ALL ridicules if you ask me!
sorry people say insensitive things to you too.

I don't think it should matter one way or the other.

Great post mellors!! I totally agree!

mandy

[valexand]

Eight months difference is nothing! Nobody should comment on this at all!!!!! I guess you simply have a great relationship that people around are jealous of. I guess they are always waiting for something to go wrong so that they can feel comfortable in what "they know" is right. Most people feel more comfortable with the idea that the woman should be younger than the man. Heck, even when the woman is much much younger than the man, then it is the man that walks around looking and feeling like some champion!!! For real!!!!

valex unfortunatly that is true, younger women and older men, but i always being the younger man in the relationship i walk around with the same grin on my face that they have,
the reason being i dont care what they or anyone else thinks, i only care about what my partner thinks, she is the only one persons opinion i care about,

i didnt waste my time or energy worrying what other people think of me or her, sure we got looks of disaproval when we went out together, if they have a problem with us being together its just that, their problem

[LMo]

this is what I find strange - I don't even KNOW anyone who would disapprove of such a thing.

But then again, I recently learned that I have always lived in cultural bubbles. I couldn't believe it when gay marriage got shot down. I thought everyone was ok with it in this day and age (and no, I am not proposing a debate about its merits or disadvantages to gay marriage -- I'm merely pointing out that I can be rather naive about how society works outside of my own social circles)

[Wants2Fly]

You give me hope, Pat. I surely don't want to date the old geezers my own age. lol

wants.....when i lived near Taos, the men my age would "shuffle" in to exercise at the gym.....in their houseslippers!!!!!!!!!! soured me forever on men my age........ i'm not going to carry anyone's fiber around in my purse!

i think it is like the most ridiculous double standard ever to even arch an eyebrow at the age difference when the woman is older.....(how "valley girl" did that sound"?)

[LMo]

well wait a minute - to be fair, how is it better to discriminate against men your own age than it is to discriminate against men younger than you?

you don't have to answer that - just playing devil's advocate...

[Perna]

Hey, you're just trendy!

http://healthresources.caremark.com/topic/olderyounger

i can tell you a couple of attempted evolutionary explanations...

if you do feature analysis then you tend to find that people find certain features attractive for reasons that make good evolutionary sense. these are somewhat stereotypic but then we are dealing in general tendencies:

- men tend to prefer women with big breasts. all the better to feed their infants.
- men tend to prefer women with broad hips. all the better to push their infants out.
- men tend to prefer younger women. all the more child-bearing years ahead of them.
- men tend to prefer women with accentuated sexual characteristics (e.g., lipstick that makes lips look a little like... well... you get the picture)
;-)

- women tend to prefer men who are in positions of social power. all the better to provide for them and their infants.
- women tend to prefer men who are older. all the better to mate with a guy who has an established record of successful mating.

i can't remember anymore...

but that is the general spirit of the rationale for the stereotypes. but then times are changing lol.

people will say what people will say. imho don't worry about them.

one thing that really really really really really really really surprised me, however, is oprah's episode on 'mixed dating'. i was completely dumbfounded at people cringing at that. cultural difference? i don't know what else to say really...

LeeAnn, huh?

thanks...to Perna

I find it horrible that women are judged as "desired evolutionary candidates" by most things they have absolutely no control over--- hips size, it's genetic!! breast size-- excluding implants-- it's genetic!! Plump lips, long eye lashes, soft supple skin...... all GENETIC!!

And the world wonders why women suffer more than men from depression??

Men are judged more on things they can have control over-- how successful they are, how much confidence they have-- one can work on those things.....they are judged more on actions and ways of life not as much on genetics.

I would like to believe that the world is changing from strict stereotypes because our intelligence level is rising-- such that we realize those old "evolutionary" desired features don't mean squat!! A wide hipped woman may be just as likely to have birth complications as a narrow hipped woman...... just as a small breasted woman produces the same amount of milk as a larger breasted woman. And a couple can be just as happy together if the woman is the bread winner.

.... I challenge stereotypes!

mandy

It's a way of trying to make us feel inferior because they need to keep us down to make themselves feel superior. I expect those certain attitudes from men. It upsets me though when women carry those judgements or worse yet, when a woman is willing to get plastic surgery done on her body to try to live according to those beliefs. It makes me cringe. I feel sorry for women like that because they got to her and she believes she's not good enough without the big boobs and she's desperately afraid that a man won't love her without them.
I can't date someone younger than myself either but it has nothing to do with aging. It has more to do with maturity. I think men mature slower than women. A woman needs a man, not a boy.