[S.Costello]

I have been dating this guy for about a month now. We had our third date this past weekend, and during then we, *ahem* did the deed. It wasn't as awkward as it could have been, despite my being sexually inactive for over a year. Overall it was a good time.

Yesterday I was on the fence on whether or not I should be the first to communicate with him after our little rendezvous, for fear I might come off as clingy (it had been more than 24 hours since we last spoke to each other, mind you). I worked up the courage and just texted him on my break at work and acted like normal. While he eventually did respond to me later in the night, I got pretty emotional and thought that he wouldn't talk to me anymore, that he got what he wanted and now he's done with me.

I'm still feeling that way, a little. I'm not as emotional about it as I was last night, most likely because he responded to me. I've been plagued by thoughts like, 'What if I didn't wait long enough to give it up?' or 'What if I've been used?' or 'What if after that experience he's decided he's not all that interested after all?' Sometimes I wonder if he's just as worried as I am right now.

This is just all so frustrating... I really hope it's just my anxiety creating its own stupid fantasies in my head and that things are actually fine and progressing into a long-term relationship. It's terrible to be presented with hope for something good, only to have it shatter and leave you disappointed and depressed.

[SnakeCharmer]

Only time will tell. Please come back as this progresses and tell us how you're feeling.

[healingme4me]

Breathe. You made it to the third date, and heard from him. When's date four? It's still just the middle of the work week.
It is a vulnerable point, in many relationships. Because, you are still getting to know one another.

[hannabee]

Oh gawwwwwwwwwwwwwd I remember those days! they sucked for sure. Try to calm your fears as best you can. I might play a little hard to get for just a bit. Men love the chase! I dated this guy once who disappeared for four days and them came back saying he wanted to see if I really cared! hmmmffff actually I was pretty much over him by then lol..... hang in there!!! big hug!!

[purplemystery]

Ugh, been there! It's the not knowing for sure what's going on that's the worst!

[S.Costello]

Thanks for the input, everyone. I really appreciate it.

It's hard to really know if he's being distant because we've been communicating via text, and he's not all that expressive through text. Sometimes I think he's trying to ignore me, but then I ask myself, "If he wanted to ignore me, why would he even bother responding back to me?"

These iffy situations suck...

[kate33624]

Feel your pain! Just got dumped for no reason. I have no answers as to why and I'm stressing and sad. I hate dating. The emotional rollercoaster is too much for me to handle sometimes.

[winter4me]

and, when do you just ask, when do you wait...? ...(((((((((hug)))))))))))
could you be brave and ask him out somewhere for the 4th date? ---see how it goes, then maybe try to talk a bit instead of just repeating and going home? (not necessarily giving advice I could follow myself....)

[S.Costello]

I've thought of bringing up the idea of a fourth date, but I feel awkward as hell doing so. I have no idea how to even approach the subject. Doesn't help that he hasn't been all that talkative to me ever since last time...

God, I feel like I can't have sex or even let guys know me at all because every time I do, and the more of my personality is revealed, it always seems to push them away.

[hvert]

I have no idea why this happens, but when I was dating, it happened to me all the time too. I took time off dating and swore that I wouldn't be so easy the next time... but I was anyway and I've been with him for six years now.

So I don't think it is because you gave it up too quickly or anything like that -- I am not sure if we will ever know why this seems to be a dating pattern. I'm just writing it off to the way some people are.

When I look back at my dating life, I think chasing men when you get the feeling that they are ignoring you or aren't interested is a waste of time. Personally, I wish I had spent less time doing that that I had been quicker to just forget about some people.

[lilypup]

Looking back, I wish I had taken the following advice:
If you can wait a bit, try to make sure you really like him and the way he treats you before sex. This gives you a bit of confidence in him.
After each of the first few dates, just plan on not hearing from him. Go on and live your life and don't panic. If he is into you, he will really call. You won't be able to get rid of him.

I always hear about guys who say things like: "Oh, sorry, I couldn't text you as I was traveling." Obviously that is BS. Even if I was working, traveling, or whatever...I could contact someone briefly if I really wanted to. Don't invest your time chasing these types.