[Jenn1fer82]

I totally panic and started to say very rude and mean things to a guy whose been wanting to get to know me more then just friends.

I haven't had the company of another man in 2 years and I don’t know how to relax when someone has shown interest in me and wanting to get to know me. I'm the type that feels more comfortable if I were to make the first move in a relationship. Now there's this guy who suddenly appeared and he's the one who made all the first moves and continue to keep in contact with me but instead I've insulted him and he's not returning my phone call. I enjoy his company so much and he's a great guy. I was so stubborn to accept that we were causally dating and said we're hanging out because of school and club activities. We met on college campus and are members in the same club.

I asked him if he had liked me or not and he said he’s just not sure yet but he's been thinking about me. He then gave me the sweetest smile. He stood right next to me in my home as I was washing my dishes. He was about to join me and help with the dishes, I panic and pushed him away. I began saying that if he's this friendly with all his female friends then I'm not the next one to take their place because I don't have time to waste with someone who's not serious. He was shocked that I said something so bluntly. I then told him that he's only returned home for 3 months and probably, like all other guys and would jump on any girl that gives him attention. That was when he turned away and stayed quite for a couple of minutes. I tried talking to him afterwards when I realized how wrong I was but he said I had insulted his character and he's leaving and said good-bye. I called him 30 minutes after he left and every since last night I haven't heard from him.

I want to hear his response after getting my voicemail and if that means he doesn't want to talk to me ever again then at least I know. I can't believe I panic and pushed him away like that and worst of all insulted him at the same time. He hasn’t even given me any sign that he would have treated me in such a manner and I accused him anyway.

I really don't know how to handle the company of another man when I haven't dated for 2 years and it doesn't help that the last person I loved had let me down so painfully.

[Hopefull]

When you have been let down in a painful way in the past, you might have a tendency to fear a repeat of that experience. So, you paniced and pushed him away rather than risk the pain of a closer relationship. I think this is a natural tendency when someone has had a painful experience in the past. So, forgive yourself for panicing and see if you hear from him. I hope he figures out that it isn't about him. It's just the way the mind works at times. Hang in there and good luck.

[razeljenny]

Hope you feel better. If you next time think it but dont say it , it will work better for ya. You have a right to think that way. Just tell yourself next time you meet someone that they too are delicate and feelings get hurt as much as girls do.

Next time the man will not have a rough time if you don't verbalize all of that stuff.

You have c ontrol of yourself and can trust yourself on a date. So what have you gpt tp lose. Go out and have fun. Be careful, but have some good times. Men are fun to keep around and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do

[seeker1950]

I am so much like you, having been hurt badly, I refrain from dating or even trying to meet men. I would probably respond much as you did.
Let's look at this: you asked if he liked you, and there you were in your house/apt washing your dishes (kind of intimate in a friendly sort of way). His response was ambivalent, almost teasing, in a way. I think his response would have ticked me off too. Sure, he may have fragile feelings himself, but you told him like it is with you right now. Nothing wrong with that. Did you actually truly attack his character, or are you just second-guessing yourself now because he disappeared? How well does he know you? Does he know already that you haven't dated for two years because of your experiences? I think the correct response, if he cared for you, would have been to talk to you further about it...saying, "let's talk!" But, no, he crawls away into his hiding place. Maybe you just did yourself a favor, girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing him here, but if he is unwilling to communicate at this early stage, offering understanding, then I say let him/it go.

Also....I've looked back over my sad history of being a doormat to men, and will do just as you have done if the opportunuity ever presents itself in the future. I've made far too many concessions to the male ambiguity in the past, deluding myself, hearing what I WANTED to hear, rather than what was or was NOT being said.

Be strong!
Love
Patty