[BeaFlower]

It isn't really a mental health problem (I suppose), but I didn't know where to post it.
I have never felt at the same 'level' of the other girls of my age, and neither I do now (I'm 22). For example, during adolescence you should begin to become more indipendent, or at least to want it...usually you begin to enjoy the company of your friends more than that of your parents. For me it didn't happen. Usually my parents tried to push me to go out more with friends, but I wasn't happy to go. Probably also the fact that I hadn't found the 'right' friends for me yet contributed to this...but also now, that I have some friends that I really like to stay with, in general I still feel more at ease to stay with my parents, expecially my mum, than with my friends, and I prefer to share an important moment with her. If I need a suggestion about anything, for example about a dress or something else that I'd like to buy, I want the suggestions of my mum, not those of my best friends. I don't know if it's normal
And I have zero experience with boys. Most of my friends already have a boyfriend, or maybe thay don't have one now but in general they always go out with someone. I hadn't, never. Some girls at my age already live with a boy. I wouldn't like it so soon, but at least to find someone yes. I'd like it, but at the same time I don't know if I'd be ready, expecially for the physical aspects (not necessarly sexual, also physical in general).Sometimes I think that I'd be ready (if I found someone), other times not. But if I'm not ready now when will I be?? I'm not a teenager anymore...I just can hope that when/if I'll be in love with someone this will change.
But the point is that I don't feel like an adult at all
I've never had a work experience. Also because study wouldn't let me the time, but however I wouldn't feel ready. But after finishing university I'll have to begin, I can't be 'not ready' forever. Now I started volunteering and this can be a first step, but it has been difficult to begin, also if I wanted. For most of the girls that I know these things are't so difficult.
The first part of the problem is what makes me worry more. It wouldn't be a problem for me to go on spending more time with my family that with friends, because I like it, but I feel that at my age I shouldn't. I should at least enjoy to stay with friends a bit more.
Do you think that it is really a bad thing, as I think? Should I do something to change? But I don't know what I could do

[atomicc]

I don't think it is wrong that you enjoy spending time with your family, I am the same way. I hang out with my parents over friends quite often, you are just very close to them!
As for not being ready, I don't think you should rush anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but take little baby steps into it. Volunteering is a great place step towards having a job and career. You will get there someday and find it is not so scary, it is just something you haven't experienced yet.
You'll do great, Bea

[Steiner of Thule]

You're fine. Try not to worry too much.

[BeaFlower]

Thanks atomicc You made me feel better. You're are great friend

[sandpiper888]

Well, it's good that you have a positive relationship with your parents; loyalty to one's family is a great virtue. And frankly, your relationships with your relatives are likely to last a lot longer than with most friends/acquaintances (for better or worse) simply because the ties that bind a family together are established from the beginning and are generally maintained. Many friends/acquaintances will cross paths for a time but quietly break away later on, and have little if anything to do with your life (or you with theirs) simply because life takes people in different directions.

That being said, having positive relationships with those outside your family is important as well. It's interesting that you said that your parents encourage you to spend time with your friends; out of curiosity, do they simply tell you to do so, or do their actions suggest this as well? I only ask because I feel like, in my own case, my parents gave me similar advice, and I didn't doubt the basic sincerity of their intentions, but that many of their actions had quite the opposite effect.

In any relationship, parent-child included, one person can jealously vie for the company, affection, trust, free time, etc., of another, without necessarily ever realizing it. I'm not saying that this is the case in your relationship with your parents, but it's just something to keep in mind and look out for. Positive self-esteem does rely partly on having the sense of a strong individual identity, and if one ends up feeling like they are dominated & defined by others (family, friends, romantic partner(s), etc.) then it just breeds bitterness & resentment.

[BeaFlower]

Originally Posted by sandpiper888

Well, it's good that you have a positive relationship with your parents; loyalty to one's family is a great virtue. And frankly, your relationships with your relatives are likely to last a lot longer than with most friends/acquaintances (for better or worse) simply because the ties that bind a family together are established from the beginning and are generally maintained. Many friends/acquaintances will cross paths for a time but quietly break away later on, and have little if anything to do with your life (or you with theirs) simply because life takes people in different directions.

That being said, having positive relationships with those outside your family is important as well. It's interesting that you said that your parents encourage you to spend time with your friends; out of curiosity, do they simply tell you to do so, or do their actions suggest this as well? I only ask because I feel like, in my own case, my parents gave me similar advice, and I didn't doubt the basic sincerity of their intentions, but that many of their actions had quite the opposite effect.

In any relationship, parent-child included, one person can jealously vie for the company, affection, trust, free time, etc., of another, without necessarily ever realizing it. I'm not saying that this is the case in your relationship with your parents, but it's just something to keep in mind and look out for. Positive self-esteem does rely partly on having the sense of a strong individual identity, and if one ends up feeling like they are dominated & defined by others (family, friends, romantic partner(s), etc.) then it just breeds bitterness & resentment.

What a difficult question I have to think about it.

[SeekerOfLife]

I wish I had spent more time with my parents.

I was a late bloomer. Not as socialable as I would like.

Hugs BeaFlower.

[Thunder Bow]

The connection you have with your mother is good and perfectly normal. You still seem to be active in other parts your your life. You are doing well. Go with your feelings!

[aventurapsych]

you're still really young and the fact that you acknowledge you need to mature a little is a good sign, not a bad one. keep trying!

[BeaFlower]

Thank you everybody, you're very kind I'm feeling a bit more hopeful.

[sinking]

I cant relate a lot with your situation. My first thought was, do you think your parents have been overprotective with you in the past? More questions: Do you think you have trust issues? Are you shy? Or socially anxious?

As for what you can do, volunteering seems a very good starting point. But the way i see it, you cant force yourself to feel what you dont feel and thats ok. With the right people though, it should become easier, more spontaneous and more natural for you to appreciate and enjoy more your friends and boys company! And, sometimes, the more you go out and try to be social, the more you'll like it and feel comfortable around people.

Anyway, good for you to have such a nice relationship with your parents!!! You still have some time to "feel like an adult", and many times, many people dont ever feel adults and "ready" for changes, new situations and facing the unknown. The only thing you can do is just always doing your best. You cant ask yourself more than that!
Best wishes!

[BeaFlower]

Originally Posted by sinking

I cant relate a lot with your situation. My first thought was, do you think your parents have been overprotective with you in the past? More questions: Do you think you have trust issues? Are you shy? Or socially anxious?

As for what you can do, volunteering seems a very good starting point. But the way i see it, you cant force yourself to feel what you dont feel and thats ok. With the right people though, it should become easier, more spontaneous and more natural for you to appreciate and enjoy more your friends and boys company! And, sometimes, the more you go out and try to be social, the more you'll like it and feel comfortable around people.

Anyway, good for you to have such a nice relationship with your parents!!! You still have some time to "feel like an adult", and many times, many people dont ever feel adults and "ready" for changes, new situations and facing the unknown. The only thing you can do is just always doing your best. You cant ask yourself more than that!
Best wishes!

Yes, I'm shy Trust issues...I don't know, but surely it takes me time to feel really comfortable around new people. And yes, my parents have been quite protective...but not really overprotective, I think. When I don't know if to go to party or to go out with friends or not usually they encourage me to go. But surely they are also happy that I spend a lot of time with them.

[avlady]

I left home at 24 had small jobs almost a bachelors degree, i ended up getting pregnant at 30. If i did it all over again i still would have been with my parents until i could support myself better. I know it sounds crazy to have wanted to stay home bu i had it made there except for my brothers and sisters, all 11 of them. I helped my mom take care of the kids i'm the 2nd eldest. I ended up getting married at 33. do give yourself time you'll get where your needed to be soon enough.

[openeyes]

I wanted to throw my two cents in here...

I'm 24 myself and I talk to one or both of my parents just about everyday. I didn't really have great relationship with them growing up, but they frequently seem to become among your best friends as people get older (in my observations).

I'm a pretty shy person myself, so I don't have many friends outside of my family, but the ones I do are fantastic. However, I wanted to ask with the friends you have, do you share a lot of the same interests? For example, my closest friends usually just want to make dinner and have a movie night on the couch versus going out to a party where I would be uncomfortable, and would probably turn the invitation down in the first place...

So the activities that the friendships revolve around might be a part of it.

And as to never feeling ready, again, in my experience, it seems like this is pretty normal and so far I've crossed my fingers, held on and jumped into the job world without too many problems. I still sit back and wonder how I decided on a college, major and somehow made it through the program with no idea of what exactly I was supposed to be doing! Haha. Just keep pushing through, it's amazing what just enjoying the ride will bring...

Good luck!

[BeaFlower]

Thanks! Yes, the friends that I have now are quite similar to me and we have some interests in common, though I think that they are a bit less shy. But however I still find it 'strange' to go out with friends...

[Perna]

I felt as you describe when I was your age. Immature/mature is not a function of age or something that suddenly happens. I don't think I think of myself as having matured until well into my 50s! I think it is a squishy concept like "shame". "You should be ashamed" and "I am so ashamed" are two different concepts? To me, you are "only" 22 so you are less mature than my 63-1/2 years? That's a science given? The amount of life experience I have is greater because I have lived longer but that's nothing to be proud/condescending about, proud or ashamed of?