[LadyShade]

I am a newlywed of only one year and I recently found out that my husband has been watching pornography for the last 2 years. He was exposed to it at a very young age and has struggled with it for more than half his life. When we met he told me about it and said that he had stopped the previous year and that was true. It did not start up again until a year into our relationship. He was in the military and it was very prevalent there and he has even told me that most of the guys did it because they were board and as someone with brothers I know this can be true.
Last week he asked me to get his phone since he couldn't find it as he ran out the door for work and when I did It was lit from my calls and I noticed that he was on a porn site. That broke my heart. When he got home we had a long talk, mostly I talked (and cried) and I asked every question I could. He explained that it wasn't often once or twice a month and mostly out of boredom and he has promised me that it was over now that I knew about it that he would stop.
It has been a week and though we are better I can't get the images out of my head. I kiss him and I see it I cant even get into bed with out the images. They make me sick to my stomach and I cry a lot of the time. Its like he has had a hundred affairs. We were always able to be intimate, averaging about 4 times a week and now every time I think about it I see all those images and all I can do is cry.
I am so lost and heart broken I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart and I want all of this to disappear but I don't know where to start. Please someone help me, what do I do?

[atomicc]

Hello LadyShade and welcome to PC! I am sorry you are feeling betrayed by your husband. :/ If you think it will be entirely too hard to get over maybe the two of you could consider couples counseling ? It is your trust that is broken and until you can mend that, it will be hard for you to forgive and forget.
I hope everything works for you two.

[lilypup]

If you are only a year into the marriage with no kids yet, you are lucky. I would suggest waiting on children until you are very sure you can live with whatever he is doing.
I would definitely try counseling if he is willing to make a change. This may sound unkind, but if you see he is continuing to do it, and you hate it and are crying, you may need to cut your losses and go. This internet porn stuff with husbands is getting way out of hand.

[MissBelle00]

For the mods: It would be nice to put a trigger icon on this thread.
I didn't realize how much it would affect me until I read it. It's just so similar to what I'm feeling.

To OP:
It's incredible how many people seem to have the same problem.

My boyfriend also has a porn problem, we've been together two years.
That, along with other problems, has made our intimacy nonexistent.

My last boyfriend was way worse with his use. It was disgusting, the images I saw, and I was never able to get it out of my head.

I think it's a poison that has affected our generation - it's too easily accessible, too prominent.

Just like with any other addiction (cigarettes, for example), I don't think a person can get out of it unless they themselves want to. And most of the time, they don't.

I'm as much at a loss as you...

I hope we can both get through this.

[Nightside of Eden]

Did you have an agreement that he wouldn't watch porn? If so, then what you really need to be focusing on is the breach of trust, and you need to have a serious discussion about why he didn't feel he could be honest with you.

But if you didn't have an agreement, then I don't think he's done anything bad or unusual. A lot if adults like to watch porn occasionally, and I think it's unfair to automatically assume someone has a problem with it unless it's interfering with their lives in some way. I mean. there's nothing wrong with porn unless it's becoming an addiction of some kind.

[MissBelle00]

Originally Posted by Nightside of Eden

I mean. there's nothing wrong with porn unless it's becoming an addiction of some kind.

I STRONGLY disagree with that statement. It is simply not true.

Please check:

Get the Facts | Fight The New Drug

Back in the day, people also used to think there was nothing wrong with cigarettes. Doctors even recommended it.
But that was due to lack of research and overall lack of education.
Please refrain from making the same mistake with a drug that is just as bad for the human body and brain as cigarettes are.

[LadyShade]

I am so thankful for all of the replies that I have gotten . It is so hard when you think that you are alone. Since this happened my husband has stopped watching and has even fully disclosed everything to me which was not as bad as I imagined it would be.

I wanted to address some things that users have said because I realized that though I wanted to put them in my original post that I didn't (Oops!)

1. We had no express agreement that he would not watch porn though he had told me that he had stopped and would no longer do it. He also knew how strongly I felt against it, which is why he hid it in the first place.

2. He has stopped and is now on the road to rebuilding himself and our marriage. It has been 8 days and we are both so thankful for ever day free.

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't think there is an issue with porn, either. I think that if a woman has an issue with porn, she shouldn't go into a relationship with a guy who likes to watch porn, even if he says he is "reformed" and will never do it again. Usually that doesn't happen.

Porn is as dangerous as cigarettes? Are you high?

[music junkie]

I don't think it's inherently bad, but I think it's a problem when someone feels they have to hide it from their spouse or significant other, whether the "user" is male or female.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by music junkie

I don't think it's inherently bad, but I think it's a problem when someone feels they have to hide it from their spouse or significant other, whether the "user" is male or female.

^^^ Agreed.

My first H used porn instead of having sex with me. My second used to watch porn with me and we would have amazing sex after watching and even made our own video.

[brainhi]

I posted this recently in another thread..check out the link...

"The current porn epidemic gives a graphic demonstration that sexual tastes can be acquired. Pornography, delivered by high-speed Internet connections, satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change [forming new neural circuitry- a key piece in addiction].

Pornography seems, at first glance, to be a purely instinctual matter: sexually explicit pictures trigger instinctual responses, which are the product of millions of years of evolution. But if that were true, pornography would be unchanging. The same triggers, bodily parts and their proportions, that appealed to our ancestors would excite us. This is what pornographers would have us believe, for they claim they are battling sexual repression, taboo, and fear and that their goal is to liberate the natural, pent-up sexual instincts.................
Norman Doidge on pornography and neuroplasticity - worthwhile reading | Reuniting