[musial]

I'd like to hear your thoughts about the purpose of couples therapy... what does it do? What is the benefit of couples therapy vs both partners working independently with their own therapists? Have you had a positive couples therapy experience that you don't mind sharing?

I've been to 4 sessions of couples therapy with my boyfriend of 8 years. The therapy sessions seem to make him feel really good and make me feel depressed and more hopeless about our relationship. Also, I am on the fence about the particular therapist we're seeing. Maybe someone I felt more comfortable with would work better?

[Travelinglady]

Hey, musial, and welcome. I do think both of you need to feel comfortable with the therapist. Such therapy allows both members of the couple to hear what is going on with each other--and to address areas where there is conflict.

Plus the therapist can be more of an objective observer, seeing things the couple aren't aware of. And pointing them out.

[DSM-3.1415926]

Here's a VITAL article about the importance of avoiding bad marriage therapists -- and alas, there are lots of those:

How Therapy Can Be Hazardous to Your Marital Health

[JoeS21]

I think there are many different kinds of couples counseling or many possible goals. I know of one therapist who does couples counseling and part of what he does is:

1. Help couples to build a vision of the future together.
2. Address important factors in a relationship like money, child raising, etc.

[Raindropvampire]

My husband and I have done couples counseling. It is crucial that you find a T that you both like and feel comfortable with. Also you have to be willing to be completely honest. It's like regular therapy, they can't help you if you aren't honest.

The most important thing we got out of couples counseling is we learned we have two COMPLETELY different ways of communicating. We learned how talk to each other without it always leading to a fight or hurt feelings. It was very beneficial to us.

[musial]

Thank you all for your replies. I think I need to search out a new couples therapist, since I don't feel comfortable being completely honest to this current one.

Also, we had a session yesterday that left me feeling so angry and resentful towards my partner... so it's like the opposite of what I would want, but I know that I may have to be patient for things to get worked out.

[healingme4me]

I agree, find one that's working. I've been under the impression, they can be really beneficial as pre marital counselors. I don't know, maybe your individual ts can work together?

These are costly, and to backslide???

[Raindropvampire]

Originally Posted by musial

Thank you all for your replies. I think I need to search out a new couples therapist, since I don't feel comfortable being completely honest to this current one.

Also, we had a session yesterday that left me feeling so angry and resentful towards my partner... so it's like the opposite of what I would want, but I know that I may have to be patient for things to get worked out.

This is probably a stupid nosy question so if you don't want to answer just ignore me

Did you bring up how the session was making you feel? If you didn't, then why not? In my experience trying to get at the root of those feelings when they happen is much better than letting them fester.

[brainhi]

I had been getting help with my mental health through a therapist. My marriage was on the rocks and I wanted couples therapy as well. She told me that we would have our individual therapy and then couples counseling - my x never wanted to go through with it - he only wanted me to get help.