[abrikute]

Hello,
I am a 21 years old student. I've been suffering from anxiety disorder, social phobia and have been taking antidepressants (escitalopram) for several years now (I had a small break,about a half year, but at the beggining of the first study year in other city my anxiety level very increased). I started to take drugs because of insomnia and high anxiety level. Time to time, I visit psychiatrist . I had been taking cognitive behavioral therapy for over a year, but now I see that it haven't really helped me. I still feel very anxious in various social situations, feel a lot of anxiety symptoms (body shakes, sweating, racing heart, breathlessness, etc). To make matters worse, I have found a boyfriend via internet. We have a relationships for about 5 months. He is 27 years old. He is a very good person and he really likes me. But it really hard for me to keep relationships, because Im afraid of him. Im afraid I will disappoint him in some way. When we meet (we do that quite rarely), I hardly can concentrate what he says, I feel very very anxious, nervous, I start sweating when he takes my hand or touch my body( we haven't sex, and Im virgin). I feel that something wrong with my hormones, couse I just feel too much. Every date with him brings me more and more anxiety. He knows my situation, about my anxiety and stress, that Im using drugs. He gave me some time to think what I would like to do next - to meet him again or just to stay friends, but nothing more. I feel I want to communicate with him, but it so hard and stresfull, it hard to handle this. Maybe, it would be better decision to end relationships. But I know that this way won't help me deal with social phobia, fear of boys and other issues. I am totally lost. Please help me to understand my complicated situation and messy thoughts. p.s. If you need to know, I had never been sexualy abused. So it hard for me to understand why I have such a big fear of man.
Sorry for mistakes, Im from abroad.

Hi abrikute! Welcome to PC!

It sounds like you are on the right track to getting help. CBT is very helpful, you may talk to your doctor about adding something for anxiety on top of the escitalopram. As for your relationship I really couldn't advise. Maybe somebody else could help there.

[ptangptang]

Firstly your English is very good so well done for that. No don't end relationships because of that. Much better to face it and conquer it than run away or isolate yourself and then , when you are older, regret it. If he is worth holding on to he will do everything to help you. Maybe you need to place yourself in that situation more not less. Can you get to meet him more. I'm sure that the more comfortable you feel with him the better it will get. Think WHY you are feeling like this. What's the worst that can happen when i meet him. We don't talk, he won't like me, i'll be stupid etc etc. SO WHAT. He's just a guy. Meet him as a friend . Don't put any pressure on yourself any more than that. Then if it becomes more GREAT!!! Good luck.

[Nyks]

i think you shouldn't put any pressure on yourself.If you think starting as friends could be more relaxing then do that.you said he was a good person and knows your situation this means he is likely to understand if you wanna take things slow.

[~Christina]

Anxiety is such a huge hurtle to get over, Im sorry you are in such a struggle.

If you have been in Therapy for a year but cant seem to see where it has helped you ,maybe you need a new Therapist. Therapy should be about setting realist goals are working toward them.

You say you fear your boyfriend ? is it just anxiety or do you really fear him? What does your "gut" tell you about him?

I say just get out there more ..with him or with out him.. Use coping skills to help you handle the anxiety.. Even if it gets tough you just keep moving forward.

I wish you luck