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#1
Aug 26, 2014, 08:50 AM
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My boyfriend is very attached to his family. Which is normally a good thing, but I am afraid that I cannot deal with it anymore.
He wants us to marry but I think I will breakup before it is too late. He speaks to his parents that live I other country 3 to 4 times a day. If one day he doesn't call, they start calling me at work. They know he's fine, but anyways they need to be in permanent contact. He puts them as absolute priority, and every time we travel to visit them. They spend the entire time going to the mall (which I hate). We've been last time for 3 weeks, the trip cost me a fortune and we couldn't spend one day together. I will never go there again. I could even deal with all this, but few weeks ago I had a little disagreement with his brother, which was a small thing and we resolved it in 2 minutes. My bf got hysterical and start shouting at me saying that I would destroy his relationship with his brother, that I'm just a f*** woman and that he is his brother. They he would never allow any f*** woman to get between him and his family. It was totally exaggerated from him. I always have to say amen to all his family needs. I feel like I mean nothing to them. It is all about them. Am I overreacting? Am I a *****? |
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#2
Aug 26, 2014, 10:45 AM
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Uh, I am very close to my young adult children but this sounds ridiculous. No way would I get involved with that family. You should look for a guy who is close to his family but will also put you first. Do not marry this guy, for sure.
__________________
Lamictal Rexulti Wellbutrin Xanax XR .5 Xanax .25 as needed |
 Brasucasulu, Trippin2.0, Vossie42
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#3
Aug 26, 2014, 02:56 PM
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No, you aren't being ridiculous! Your gut is saying to RUN, and your gut is right! When a man gets married, his priority is supposed to be to his new family, not his old family. Yes, ALL family is important, but he needs to cut the apron strings at some point. That isn't going to happen with this guy. I say get out now before you are miserable and married.
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| Brasucasulu
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#4
Aug 26, 2014, 03:48 PM
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Follow your instincts. My husband wasn't especially interested in his family until he and I married. Suddenly EVERY holiday belonged to his family and he permitted them to run our lives. I love his family, but the enmeshment between my husband and his family became intrusive in our marriage. At this point, we are legally married but do not live together. Guess where he lives? In his parents' home (they are deceased), which is the home in which he grew up. He literally sleeps in the same bed he slept in as a little boy. His brother and sister run his life (this is a man who is 67 years of age). It's sick and discouraging.
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| Brasucasulu
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#5
Aug 26, 2014, 03:51 PM
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You definitely don't want to marry this guy. I agree with chipper and lily. If he is swearing at you like you say he is over something very small, then he is blowing things out of proportion and more importantly treating you with disrespect. Break up with him quickly before it's too late.
Good luck!
__________________
One small crack does not mean that you are broken it means that you we're put to the test and you didn't fall apart. ~Linda Poindexter |
| Brasucasulu
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#6
Aug 26, 2014, 04:30 PM
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Yeah, that the man you're involved with swears at you like that, definitely not the sign of a happy relationship in the future.
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| Brasucasulu
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#7
Aug 26, 2014, 04:32 PM
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I agree with the other posters .. You dont need that kinda mess.. He seems to have total lack of respect for you when it involves his family. You deserve better
Move on 
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| Brasucasulu
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#8
Aug 26, 2014, 08:01 PM
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I wouldn't like being yelled at, berated, demeaned.
It's ok to call off the engagement. You seem to have good reason to. |
| Brasucasulu
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#9
Aug 26, 2014, 08:55 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your husband! 67? That's ridiculous! He should wake up and grow up. I hope things will improve on your side. Live your live and be happy. Always!
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#10
Aug 26, 2014, 10:01 PM
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Hi Brasucasulu, I read this thread and the other one you posted as well. To be honest, just from what you've said here, it sounds like this relationship is pretty hurtful and unfair to you. I'm not one to give advice, as I don't think I understand people enough to give very good advice, but from what you've posted it seems like a relationship that isn't very healthy for you. For what it's worth. Anyhow, sorry you are experiencing these issues, hope you can get them resolved one way or another.
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| Brasucasulu
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#11
Aug 26, 2014, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
My self respect would not permit me to put up with that kind of mistreatment from ANYONE! I would leave such a relationship in a HEARTBEAT! good luck, jim
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| Brasucasulu
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#12
Aug 27, 2014, 12:30 AM
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You are DEFINITELY not overreacting. Run, run!!! He's called you such horrible names and has put you at the very bottom of the priority list. I could never, ever be with a man who would call me a "f**** woman" and treat me like dirt under his shoe compared to his brother.
Go with your gut on this one. You deserve so much better than to be treated so badly. |
| Brasucasulu
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#13
Aug 27, 2014, 02:44 AM
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Reading this thread, and the one where he hides you because you're not white?
 I have only this to say.... Walking down the aisle with this man would be taking the path toward a lonely miserable life filled with shame and disrespect. RUN!
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| Brasucasulu
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#14
Aug 27, 2014, 07:35 AM
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Thanks guys! I feel very confident and just moved somewhere else. He cried and begged, but that's not enough for me. My mental health is important for me. He's the one who has issues. Now they are sending me messages and asking me to take me back. Why now? I'm just a f*** woman as he says.
I appreciate your responses Last edited by Brasucasulu; Aug 27, 2014 at 10:14 AM. |
 Anonymous100154, healingme4me, SnakeCharmer
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#15
Aug 30, 2014, 04:43 AM
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Good for you Brasucasulu!! That took courage. Awesome that you stood up for yourself.
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| Brasucasulu
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#16
Aug 30, 2014, 09:39 AM
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You deserve better than you were getting from that relationship. Good job on getting away. You'll be in my thoughts!
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| Brasucasulu
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#17
Aug 30, 2014, 03:32 PM
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Break up with him, to be controlled by his family like that is weak. You should be his priority.
My ex 'husband' was like that would do nothing for me, he would run to his mum on a regular basis. Pathetic behaviour for a grown man. |
| Brasucasulu
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#18
Aug 30, 2014, 04:31 PM
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I looked very hard at how my husband, then boyfriend, behaved toward other women in his life and toward me. I don't see anything here that says you are in for a "companionable" time if you marry him.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
| Brasucasulu
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#19
Aug 31, 2014, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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