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  #1  
Old Oct 16, 2014, 05:17 AM
Boschbug Boschbug is offline
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Can one rebuild a relationship if one's trust has been shattered and if the other party seems incapable of engaging in trust-building practices?
Just asking...

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  #2  
Old Oct 16, 2014, 11:26 AM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Seems it would be very difficult if trust cannot be rebuilt.
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  #3  
Old Oct 16, 2014, 04:22 PM
butterflyflies butterflyflies is offline
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I have been in the same situation and I'm going to answer NO.
When one person is incapable (for any reason) of wanting to rebuild that trust, it's a fruitless effort.
I have been paying for my mistake for 2 1/2 years, and he refused to try to work on rebuilding trust. I have been in an absolute hell-hole filled with abuse. (not to say that you will go through the same) but if a person does not want to try to work on it, then there's nothing you can ever so or do to change that. I lied, and he told me that he shouldn't have to put in any effort or work since I'm the one that lied.
Now I can't get out of this relationship, he won't let me out and I will have to secretly move away.
It's terrible.
Apologize for your breaking the trust, and if the other person can't accept that and refuses to work on it with you, cut your losses and move on. It wasn't meant to be and you will find the person you were meant to be with. (as cliche as that may sound, but if this person cares to make it work with you, then they will do their part too)
Good luck and let me know if you need to chat. I'm in the same boat.
Thanks for this!
Boschbug, JackBlack
  #4  
Old Oct 16, 2014, 05:36 PM
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hvert hvert is offline
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If both parties aren't willing, no.
Thanks for this!
Boschbug
  #5  
Old Oct 17, 2014, 06:27 AM
BobbyDavis BobbyDavis is offline
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Location: Australia
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If you are talking about a long term loving relationship leading up to marriage I would have to say no because trust is one of the most important things in any long term relationship and without trust it is inevitably doomed to fail in the long run. My Wife is the one person next to my sister I trust the most in this world and I am the one person she trusts the most in the world too and I honestly don’t see a relationship functioning without that because if you can’t trust your partner, who can you trust?
Thanks for this!
Boschbug
  #6  
Old Oct 17, 2014, 01:16 PM
NYgirl21 NYgirl21 is offline
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Member Since: May 2014
Location: washington, dc
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This is a question that could be answered better with a little more details. But, I think if trust is broken there is the chance to rebuild it but you have to have two WILLING partners in order for that to work because if you can not get the trust back then absolutely not, a relationship will not work.

I personally put a lot on trust, honesty and loyalty and if someone lies to me it is very hard to get it back. But, that being said, I am not opposed to working through it with the right person. I was in a serious relationship with someone I saw as my future and was lied to, I was honest and said I needed some time to decide if it was something I could overcome... I decided I could WITH his support and patience. Of course he agreed to be as supportive and patient as I needed, but when push came to shove he coulnd't handle how I pacing my recovery and learning to trust him again, and he wasn't able to support me the way I needed him to in order to get where we once were. Once you dont have the support of the other partner (in my case, the partner that did the wrong) it will never work. I hope that makes sense, goodluck!

There is no love without trust, is what another member told me.
Thanks for this!
Boschbug
  #7  
Old Oct 17, 2014, 02:07 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Relationships aren't designed to be one sided in growth and effort. Not sure what is meant about trust building' practice s'?
I'm not sure there's a standard process to rebuild trust? Could be, just I'm unaware myself.
It takes patience, for sure.
  #8  
Old Oct 19, 2014, 04:58 PM
Boschbug Boschbug is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: South Africa
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Thank you all for your input. We have been married for almost 38 years and he is the person I have trusted the most in my life (after my mother). Now I have discovered that he has been lying to me and hiding things for quite a number of years. He is in therapy but will not be open with me - still has 'secrets', although he says he doesn't 'want to lose me', but is not sure if he wants to stay married to me. Says he can't decide until the therapy process is complete. You can imagine how I feel....
  #9  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 05:32 AM
Unwanted Partner Unwanted Partner is offline
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I've been married for 7 years now. Neither of us trust each other, and as a result neither of us is trustworthy to be honest. It's a vicious cycle that takes two equally willing participants to break out of.
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