[chicagostaci]

I feel so ashamed. I am currently in therapy and don't exactly know yet what my problems are (just started) but I know how I am feeling is not healthy. I have a guy best friend and we are like attached at the hip. I feel like there is a lot of chemistry between us but nothing has happened. His friends who have known him for a long time tell me he likes me and that I'm his girl he's just scared. I'm a 39 year old grown adult and he trusted me with helping him with his phone. I looked at his emails, noticed he was on okcupid and then tried the password he gave me for the phone on the ok cupid account. It is a terrible violation of trust and I am too scared to just ask him how he feels about me. We are both older and have not had any relationships so I keep telling myself the only reason we are not together is because both of us are too messed up. But it pains me to see him going out with other women and looking for love. I don't want to feel like this, i want to be a healthy happy person and be his friend and love him for who he is as a person and who he is in my life, not this stupid fantasy.

[TheWell]

Honestly? My advice is to tell him you are interested. If he's not interested you can stay friends but you will regret it if you never try.

And what if he finds someone else because he thinks you aren't interested? Nothing ventured nothing gained!

Good luck!
W

[dedicated]

Maybe he had you open that account to see how you'd react. Maybe express jokingly that you are jealous.

[Nina Simone]

It does not sound like you're ready for a relationship. Snooping through someones phone and accounts is a serious violation of someones trust. If I asked a friend to help me with my computer and they went through my personal files I would be upset. Maybe you should discussed this with your therapist.

[lilypup]

I really hate FB and stuff for this reason. Snooping around causes a lot of heartbreak.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

First off, welcome to Psych Central.

I should point out that an ex of mine is a very similar way. She stole my phone when I wasn't looking and put her number in it; that's how I "got her digits"; it was inappropriate, like so many things she says/does, said/did. But anyway, yeah, I recommend getting some help to understand why you do these things and to see if you can break the habits you might have. Anywho, point is, I'm still pissed off, 6 years later; it was wrong, and although I may have seen it as sweet or something at the time, she shouldn't have done it, ... but I like to think I can be understanding and... bend my usual way of thinking, now and again... she probably didn't know how to go about it. What pissed me right off, was, a while after being together, she started getting paranoid about me and someone else, so once again nicked my phone and went through it while I was in the shower! The cheek!

You could just be blunt; be straight-out honest with him. If you are as joint at the hip as you say, he may just understand. Something like,

"I have a confession to make. I'm really sorry for this. I did something I'm not proud of, but I didn't know how to tell you that I have feelings for you that go far beyond friendship. When you gave me your phone, I saw that you were on [the site's name] and couldn't resist but to have a look. I'll understand if you're angry, but please understand I only did it because I genuinely like you and didn't know how to go about showing that."

Honestly, I think that's what I would personally say, ... depending on the situation and my stance with them.

PS
Come to think of it, what my ex did was far worse. lol His account is public, anyway, and he did hand the phone to you, knowing full-well that you could've inadvertently seen all sorts... he may have even done it intentionally. 'o.O Some guys do weird things, just like women. Think of this way, ... him being on that site tells you that he wants something, be it a relationship or fling, and so, perhaps you know he's available, or at least at the early stages with someone else.

Originally Posted by chicagostaci

I feel so ashamed. I am currently in therapy and don't exactly know yet what my problems are (just started) but I know how I am feeling is not healthy. I have a guy best friend and we are like attached at the hip. I feel like there is a lot of chemistry between us but nothing has happened. His friends who have known him for a long time tell me he likes me and that I'm his girl he's just scared. I'm a 39 year old grown adult and he trusted me with helping him with his phone. I looked at his emails, noticed he was on okcupid and then tried the password he gave me for the phone on the ok cupid account. It is a terrible violation of trust and I am too scared to just ask him how he feels about me. We are both older and have not had any relationships so I keep telling myself the only reason we are not together is because both of us are too messed up. But it pains me to see him going out with other women and looking for love. I don't want to feel like this, i want to be a healthy happy person and be his friend and love him for who he is as a person and who he is in my life, not this stupid fantasy.

You should tell him that you like him, that will make his day , even his month or even year . Any guy that is on online dating is pretty lonely and seeking love desperately, ask me.

All the best .