[HazelGirl]

I'm not quite sure where this would go.

I had a problem with a friend this weekend, and we agreed that our problem was a lack of adequate communication because we were both emotional. But I still have so much guilt. I feel terrible, like I did something wrong, when I logically know I did nothing wrong. I feel like an awful person, and like I should be hated, even though she has insisted that we are fine.

Ugh. What do I do to make the guilt go away?

I wish I could tell you.... all I can offer is empathy. I'm clawing my own way out of a guilt spiral at the moment. I don't even know quite where mine came from.... hugs to you

[JaneC]

I don't know how to make guilt go away. I carry a lot!

But I do remember my T saying to remind myself of the facts. Do the facts show that you have something to feel guilty about? Did you resolve this with your friend? If so, keep reminding yourself of this each time those other guilty feelings come up.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneC

I don't know how to make guilt go away. I carry a lot!

But I do remember my T saying to remind myself of the facts. Do the facts show that you have something to feel guilty about? Did you resolve this with your friend? If so, keep reminding yourself of this each time those other guilty feelings come up.

No, the facts say I am innocent and shouldn't feel guilty.

But I do anyway, because I made my friend feel bad and I started the argument accidentally by not just accepting her apology and moving on.

[JaneC]

Sounded more like...... you both felt bad because of something the other person did. You talked about it, resolved It and you are having trouble moving on. What do you get by continuing to beat yourself up?

I understand where you are, I do the same thing. It sucks to be there. I don't know how to get out of the cycle, apart from continuing to remind myself that it has been resolved.

Cut yourself some slack HG!!

[JustShakey]

HazelGirl, you were upset, and you had the right to be upset. I'm glad you and your friend worked it out. Please don't feel guilty. Learning to do this sort of stuff - deal with your own feelings and how they 'mix' with others' feelings is part of growing up. A bloody uncomfortable part if I may say so myself... I'm only learning this stuff too and I'm probably a good 15 years older than you
I think you should be proud of yourself for working through this one.

Just feel the guilt.

[sweepy62]

Hi hazelgirl, no matter what, you are going to feel the guilt, no matter what anyone tells you, even your t, like mouse says, just feel the guilt, you might think I am nuts, but this is what I do. I let myself feel the guilt, I give myself a sentence, like a mini trial, even if I am not wrong, Im my own judge and jury, depending on the situation, I will say, ok I give myself x amount of days to feel guilty, after that I allow myself to open the jail cell and let myself out into freedom, be out on parole, because I have done my time. If that does not work, then if I am still ruminatinating about it, I know its not healthy, not that it was to begin with, but then its time to process this with t,. This is just me.
My t knows I do this, this is just part of feeling my emotions. she rather I dont feel guilty for things I dont need to feel guilty over, but its all part of sitting with my emotions, so we are seeing where this goes.

[granite1]

hi hazelgirl . I hope that time might be able to heal this wound . if you and your friend are close I am sure it will. it sounds like your friend is forgiving and so are you so it might just take some time for these feelings to go away. my guess is they are routed in your past not present and takes a bit to work themselves out

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Hi hazelgirl, no matter what, you are going to feel the guilt, no matter what anyone tells you, even your t, like mouse says, just feel the guilt, you might think I am nuts, but this is what I do. I let myself feel the guilt, I give myself a sentence, like a mini trial, even if I am not wrong, Im my own judge and jury, depending on the situation, I will say, ok I give myself x amount of days to feel guilty, after that I allow myself to open the jail cell and let myself out into freedom, be out on parole, because I have done my time. If that does not work, then if I am still ruminatinating about it, I know its not healthy, not that it was to begin with, but then its time to process this with t,. This is just me.
My t knows I do this, this is just part of feeling my emotions. she rather I dont feel guilty for things I dont need to feel guilty over, but its all part of sitting with my emotions, so we are seeing where this goes.

Sweepy, this is brilliant! I will have to steal this! Sometimes I find myself feeling awful and guilty for things that have happened years ago. This is absolutely amazing because then I could say something like "I already served my time" and then try to let go.

Originally Posted by granite1

hi hazelgirl . I hope that time might be able to heal this wound . if you and your friend are close I am sure it will. it sounds like your friend is forgiving and so are you so it might just take some time for these feelings to go away. my guess is they are routed in your past not present and takes a bit to work themselves out

I am fairly certain their based in my past. It sucks.

[sweepy62]

Hey glad you like it

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