[SorajaP]

Every time I try and make a relationship work, it never does. I end up throwing the person away, treating them like ****, even though I love them so much. I know what my heart feels but my head says something else. I don't know what to do or how to control it. I feel like I'm going crazy at times, when we are in an argument and he leaves I feel like I'm going insane because I'm so pissed off that he's going. And this is me starting the argument, I'm so tired of all of this. I don't know how to stop myself from not wanting to punch a wall from all of the frustration and stop crying. It's like I pick out these fights and I regret them right after but I'm too stubborn to admit that it is my fault.

I'm ruining my relationship and I don't know how to stop it, I don't know what to do. This isn't the first time, but this is the first time I've been this in love. Letting him go would be devastating for me but at the same time some of the spur of the moment things make me want to let him go and stop dealing with all the ******** that I set about. It's like I don't want myself in a relationship but I do. I have all of these mixed emotions and I don't know how to deal with them or what to do.

What do I do?

I keep telling myself to go see someone but I don't want to go see someone because I know how it's going to go and I don't care to hear someone repeat what I already know. It's pointless

[kaliope]

hi soraja
but that someone can tell you what to do differently so that you can have lasting relationships. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Welcome to Psych Central, SorajaP.

Maybe you push him away because he's awesome and you don't feel like you deserve him... self-sabotage, basically. Perhaps you have had a life of broken promises and smashed dreams, got so used to it, that when someone positive comes up, you inadvertently push it away because you feel like you don't deserve it; like you shouldn't have nice things. Guess what, ... he digs you, and you dig him... you've got something nice, and you do deserve it.

Hope you figure this out. Good luck.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by SorajaP

Every time I try and make a relationship work, it never does. I end up throwing the person away, treating them like ****, even though I love them so much.

Hello: My 1st wife was kind of like you. We would somehow get into an argument and I never knew how to handle it or keep from being sucked into a fight with her. It was like this for the whole time we dated and then married for 25 YEARS! No kids, thank god!
Neither of us knew anything about good relationship skills [google it] like: Fair Fighting, Avoiding criticism, being best friends and a lot of other powerful relationship skills that could have saved our marriage plus, she was very afraid of intimacy after being screwed over by previous guys. I went into therapy (I was the sick one - NOT HER! LOL!) and began to learn about good relationship skills but when I tried to show her these skills, she laughed it all off as utter non-sense so I ended up divorcing her! WHAT A WASTE!

What do I do?

I don't give advise but this is what I did and my current marriage is TERRIFIC! I entered therapy and attended a lot of 12 step support groups like Codependent's Anonymous and studied up on relationship skills so both my now wife and I USE them to keep us in good stead and ever improving as both best friends and hottest lovers!
good luck fixing your issues,
jim

[PennsyR]

Oh, sweetheart. I can't really offer much in the way of advice since I'm not in a better position than the one you described yourself being in. All I can do is let you know that you're not alone.

[~Christina]

I saw you mention you already saw someone ( a Pdoc or gp ) I can only assume you didn't care for what they said ....

If your not happy with the way your acting in this relationship fix it . If you do love this man then get help for yourself. So that your more able to control your actions and have a healthy relationship. I'm not a doctor of course but maybe BPD could be part of this pull and push stuff. Just a thought.

Good luck