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#1
Sep 16, 2014, 05:18 PM
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I decided to join this site for more insight on what i can do.
I met the most wonderful girl ever in the world 2 years ago. Hit it off like a charm and everything was perfect. Went everywhere, spent every minute we could together so forth. we were even engaged once but called it off because her parents were supportive. Other than that there was no problems. She was caring,sweet,faithful. literally the perfect woman. My father passed this year in a drunk driving accident and it threw me off alot. She was always there through it all. We got a place and she practically lived with me but her family was very christian so she didn't fully live with me. We had lunch together everyday. We even got a dog. It was in other words complete bliss. One night i got extremely drunk and emotional and high and I had sex with another girl. My gf walked in and it went bad. But she followed me at the end of the night to make sure i was ok because i was a little suicidal. I knew what i did was wrong the moment i did it. She stayed the night and we stayed together for almost 2 months after the incident. She even said she was happier than she ever was. I did all i could and she was my main focus. It was going just fine. Then i had bad days at work and in life and i lost the focus. we started arguing and we broke up 3 days ago. 10 minutes after she said it was over she texted me i love you. Texted me 3 times to make i mad it home. She called me at 1:30am cryiing just needing to hear my voice. I was confused so i went over there the next morning. She lives with her parents. I crawled into bed with her and wrapped my arms around her. She did the same. We woke about a hr later and she walked me out. Explaining she told her mother what happened. That she can't do this anymore but its not what she wants. She tells me she loves me, hugs me, gives me a kiss and says she will be over later. She comes over a couple hours later to get her things and her car. She takes 2.5 hours doing so. We talk a little, mostly about how much we love each other, but she needs space and were taking a break. She doesn't take all her things. She calls me later that night to hear my voice and to exchange I love yous. She texts me the next day about her day and we talk on the phone for 15 minutes and she says she will call me later. We text occasionally through out the day and she calls me before she goes to bed. Tells me she misses me and loves me. good night. She comes over this morning to have coffee. She was acting weird so i decided to put it all out there. I explained to her how much i appreciate her and what she means to me. Get down on my knees and explain to her i know her pain and i know what i did. How amazing she is and how much i love her. she says some same things but stays quiet cause she can't stay composed. She says i can't do this now and she starts getting her stuff. I ask her if this is really what she wants and she says its needed. I tell her this is not the end of us and she says it to. She starts to put her stuff in the car. I carry out a bag. THIS IS WERE I NEED INTERPRETATION! She grabs my hand and holds it and walks me back into the living room. I tell her let it all out tell me. No regrets. She says i am really going to miss you,that she wishes she could give me more chances that her heart is no longer 100% happy. That she just wants me to be happy and i am amazing. To wait to contact her cause she will text me. I walk her out, holding hands, my arms wrapped around her. We get to her car she turns round hugs me. Kisses my neck and tells me i love you. I tell her we will be together one day again that she will be mine once more. That i will never stop fighting for her. She jumps into my arms and kisses me. One of those the world completely stops kisses. Looks at me and says i have alot of hope we will be together again. She says i will always have her heart and she will always have mine. Another world halting kisses and hugs, holding each other smiling, i say forever and she says always. She says i love you i say i love you more. She can't stop smiling. I say one day, and she replies with it won't be long. I pinky promise i will always be hers and she does the same. She says its only me and it always will be. We say goodbye and she pulls out. Blowing me a kiss and i do the same. What do i do to get her back. So much has happened in these three days. But i know its not really over. I am not contacting her becuse i am respecting her wishes. But when she said it won't be long and everything else i am confused on what to do. She is the love i have ever wanted. Through everything she has always been there and i will do whatever i can till i cannot no more to have her back. |
 anon20141119, kaliope
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#2
Sep 16, 2014, 11:54 PM
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hi gagliardo
she needs her time. she loves you. it is hard for her to leave you. she has given you everything, supported you, been there for you and you cheated on her, violated her, betrayed her. she is still trying to work thru that. how can you say you love her as much as you do and still do what you have done to her? the two simply don't go together. you don't hurt people you love that much. your actions speak louder than words. so she has asked you for time. you need to give her that time. respect her enough to wait. let her sort things out. she obviously loves you. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome |
 A Red Panda, Trippin2.0
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#3
Sep 17, 2014, 03:51 AM
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#4
Sep 17, 2014, 06:39 AM
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Well i woke up this morning and realized something. She never gave me back my key, she left a mirror her grandmother gave her, and some college books.
What is the significance of that? Is it a way of showing she will be back? |
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#5
Sep 17, 2014, 06:42 AM
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And thank you for the welcome i really appreciate it.
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#6
Sep 17, 2014, 07:24 AM
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Don't read much into her leaving little things and forgetting a key. As you said, she pretty well lived there - and it's easy to simply forget something especially when emotional.
Why not spend this time thinking about why on earth you felt the need to cheat on her in the first place? There's always a reason, and "being drunk" isn't enough of a reason. If you spend this time to think about that, you'll be more prepared to work on whatever the problem for you was so that you won't repeat that behaviour in the future. Other than that... just keep leaving her alone and go on with your daily life.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#7
Sep 17, 2014, 07:54 AM
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I understand that no excuse is acceptable. We had intimacy issues, she told me no before she said yes to marry me. I believe i am having such a hard time because she is the only person that held me together when my father passed this year. So i feel soulfully attached to her.
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#8
Sep 17, 2014, 08:03 AM
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Have you considered therapy for yourself?
It seems like maybe you have a touch more going on that could be affecting you actions. Like Kaliope said she cares about you but your actions are making it difficult for her. |
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#9
Sep 17, 2014, 08:07 AM
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Quote:
Like Kaliope said she really does care and love me and i believe it will work out. I just need to show her it will. But i am afraid i have false hope. |
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#10
Sep 17, 2014, 10:58 AM
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I can understand why you do not know what to do because I am confused as well. She broke up with you but did not end the relationship. Frankly, the way you described her leaving sounds like a scene in a bad movie. What drama!
I would just give her time to decide what she wanted to do next and go with the flow. Or, you can decide you don't want to be in limbo anymore and call her and tell her to either end things or come back. At least then you will know where you and she stand. |
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#11
Sep 17, 2014, 01:13 PM
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It's okay I'll go through hell for awhile I am going to give it a week. Than I'll figure out a way to determine it. Yes it's a damn movie scene it's killing me cause it was so 50/50. Like she wants me to chase her.
She always said she needed to feel like the only one. I feel like after a week I need to show her this. And then figure out if it's true. I'm extremely unsure of the situation. It's like we got into a fight and she moved back to her moms. Which I believe her parents have a bug in her ear. Cause she forgave me and took me back for two months the. Leaves but like this. It's so darn confusing. |
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#12
Sep 17, 2014, 01:25 PM
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I completely agree and it is so darn confusing. I'm all over the place but I'm willing to go through limbo for a week and give her time to clear her mind. If she wanted space I'd give it longer but she said it won't be long and as you read the actions before she left. It's down right got me running in circles.
She said she wanted to know she was the only one. I feel like I should chase her cause she needs to know. I will wait a week and then attempt contact. That enough time given the way she ended us for her to know what she wants. It's like we got into a fight and she moved back to her parents. Complete movie scene. But I will respect her and wait but like I said the way it ended is definitely not a it's over ending. |
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#13
Sep 17, 2014, 04:04 PM
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It was more than just a "fight"... you cheated on her. And she walked in on it.
She is by far the wounded one in this relationship. Of course her responses are confusing - she was happy with the relationship, and then she caught you having sex. She's understandably questioning everything else in the relationship. One week isn't very long for her to know what she wants. Message her, sure, but don't expect her to know exactly what she wants to do.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| Trippin2.0
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#14
Sep 17, 2014, 04:36 PM
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We'll if I make that initial contact but not ask what she wants. Would that not be ok?
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#15
Sep 17, 2014, 05:41 PM
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you hurt her very deeply. she still has strong feelings for you but i think realizes the relationship is not healthy for her. she asked you to wait and not to contact her until she texts you, so i'd respect her wishes. i also think it is important to deal with why you cheated on her since you say you loved her so much. your actions did not match up with what you were saying.
__________________
~ formerly bloom3 |
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#16
Sep 17, 2014, 06:00 PM
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I'm going to get right down to brass tacks. You're hurting now and very confused. What do people often do when they're hurting real bad? They get drunk and seek companionship. That started this whole merry-go-round.
If you want there to be any hope of getting back with the girl you love, I strongly suggest that you do two things. 1. Stay sober. 2. Stay celibate while you figure things out. You're on a break, and people do party and go out with others when they're on a break, but it was drinking and cheating that got you in trouble in the first place. If you're not willing to make those two sacrifices while this thing shakes out, then there's no hope for saving this relationship at all. I wish you the best and hope you and your girlfriend can figure this out. Take care. |
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#17
Sep 17, 2014, 07:05 PM
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Quote:
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| SnakeCharmer
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#18
Sep 17, 2014, 07:20 PM
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Give her all the space that she wants and needs... That means leave her alone. She will reach out for you when she is ready.
I hope your able to look at your actions and find out what in the world caused you to cheat on her , and for her to walk in and see it... Thats an imagine she will never get out of her head.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#19
Sep 23, 2014, 08:29 AM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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