So much trouble with relationships

Earlier I posted about seeing something upsetting on Facebook. I thought that things were going well with my relationship with my son and daughter in law. Now I really wonder! It would be like if something bad happened to me or my other son and then I posted about it on facebook without telling anyone. FB seems to be a source of trouble for me. Occasionally this happens. If I stay off, then I won't get photos of family events and I like to read news stories there. It is a double edged sword for me.

Today when I saw the post (which I wrote about here earlier), I really lost it. I have shed quite a few tears. It seems like I am such a mess and just seem to do better alone. However, I am terribly lonely. I guess it is my expectations of people, but I do expect people to treat me as they would like to be treated and with respect. Is that asking too much?

Also a long lost cousin contacted me and now calls me fairly often. All she does is talk about how awful life is and goes from one really depressing story to another. Never has anything positive to say. I feel for her predicament but she is really taxing my ability to handle my own depression. There is no nice way of that I know of to not talk to her. Which would mean another relationship ending also.

I have heard before that the common denominator is me, years ago when I was in therapy. I have really tried and tried to be a friend and helper to people but don't seem to be making any friends, ever.
There has to be a friend out there for me somewhere it seems!

I wouldn't use the common denominator theory when it comes to facebook! That place is a drama machine, and you can just get sucked into someone else's drama just by being there. My mom gets sucked into facebook drama and she doesn't even have an account! I stopped logging in and I am so much more at peace now. Please don't blame yourself for crap that happens on facebook. That's just sort of the nature of the beast.

Thanks Chipper, I totally agree!

Um, Facebook...I dunno. Posting anything but positive comments can only come back to bite you, so I would try very hard not to even comment on anything if you can help it. It's that old, "if you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all"-Thumper.
I am not a fan of this so I am rarely on it. In the very few things I have checked up on, I usually feel bad that I am not included, which just feels like torture. And why would I want my thoughtless kids to have full access to torture me? They already are putting me on a shelf to dust off and bring out when it suits them. Nothing would make them happier than if I was not so involved in their lives and had one of my own. It is different times I guess.
Trying to stay abreast of what is going on with Instagram & Facebook is just not for me. My kids know I am rarely on there so they actually call me and speak to me, which I prefer. If they make mention of a trip or fun activity, they will also mention there are pics "out there" if I want to see them.

This generation of young adults are living in a whole different way from when we were younger.
It is hurtful to feel left behind after you gave them so much. This I understand. This is something that they don't want to hear about, trust me, I've tried and they only feel guilty and call less because they don't want to "get into it" regarding their living their own lives. So I have to plan short activities and treasure the little time I am allowed & call it good. For me and my kids, that's all there is so I have to accept that. Sure it hurts, my life got smaller when theirs got bigger. It is why people call being a parent a 'thankless job'. You don't do it thinking you will always have that most important role you had. It is sad, It is something I struggle with too. But is is something we all have to do eventually; pass the baton to the next generation. Sometimes it really stinks though...

As to the chatty, negative cousin, that you can limit and learn to steer the conversation to more pleasant things. Have you tried talking about your common ancestry for instance, as a jumping off point to other more interesting topics? I have used Ancestry.com for several years and it is a great conversation starter, especially with relatives.

You & I seem to have a great deal in common right now. I am also struggling with being a life long giver, kind, generous and caring beyond measure. It is my nature as it sounds like it is yours. My saving grace was I found a place to volunteer, a hospital, and it saved me from myself and my depression and actually lifted my mood and gave me a change to meet lot's of people.

Have you ever considered any of these things?
Thinking of you and wishing you Peace in your heart ~

NW girl,

Thank you so much! We do seem to have a lot in common or maybe it is as you say, the generation these days is really different. They operate on social media, my daughter in law really does, if I am visiting, her face in facebook. A lot! Every occasion is documented with photos. That is bad and good. I love being able to get the pictures but yet like yesterday, it can be disastrous for me. I did warn her once that all that could blow up in her face, it has once. Someone reported one of her pics of the 6 year old twins in the tub. They were not inappropriate at all and whoever reported it was on her "friend list". Most people do not have 300 to 1500 real friends.

I am sorry that your kids treat you that way. It is not right. We could choose to just not be available when they decide to beckon, but then it only hurts us. You cannot talk to them about it or they do stay away. The age of texting in my opinion has brought about all kinds of impersonal things that are awful. Like my one and only sister only texts me happy birthday, that's it. It told my sons and all to not bother just to text me on my birthday. At least they listened to that. My sister adopted texting like a long lost friend. I think it is a terrible way to communicate!

Facebook has brought about a lot of problems also. People have been killed, children abducted and on down to less problems. It certainly has caused me a few really bad days. I am addicted to it. I could get my news stories from other sites and television only. Goodness knows there are plenty to be found.

You are very wise to steer clear of social media. I don't understand why I would not do that myself with the upsetting things that have happened from me getting hurt and feeling completely snubbed by most on there. I guess I am a glutton for punishment?

Thanks for the hug, here's one for you!

I would be upfront with the cousin. Tell her directly and clearly that you value her friendship and would like to have a good and lasting relationship with her. But tell her you have depression and talking about negative things really upsets you and makes you worse. Ask her what she thinks of that and if there is any way you could keep it positive. Have a list ready of positive things to chat about and keep the convo going. You have to be an advocate for yourself.