all a fantasy

I've had an emotional affair online and with some ph calls with a man for about 6 months. Now he says he doesnt want to live in a fantasy world...have I been in a bipolar mania all this time or was it real? I love him but now I cant trust my feelings. I'm sad and confused. I dont want to lose him but did i ever really have him? Mostly I just needed to tell someone, thanks for listening.

Online relationships can be confusing for everyone because they don't progress like a normal relationship would. I don't think anyone here can say if it wasn't real or if it indeed was real, as only you'll be able to know that for sure. But, for me, there is a progression of "realness" so to speak. Meet someone and form some sort of connection....it becomes more real when you see a number of pictures, even more real when you can hear their voice, but its not completely real until you meet them face to face.

I think the best thing you can do is talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe not completely disclose everything, but let him know that you are hesitant because this is new and unfamiliar to you. Maybe you always had him, and maybe you didn't? Have you had any sort of conversation involving whether or not either of you is seeing anyone else? (I think that would be a big clue as to whether or not you "had" him.)

I have been talking to a guy online for a few months, and yes, we have had the "where are we now and where is this going" conversation, so I know some of your struggles. I haven't met him yet as he isn't all that close, but we are on the same page in terms of our feelings for one another and seeing this through, at least to the point of meeting so that we can determine if something would work out in real life.

I think that perhaps you should push yourself to just meet him at the very least. You may regret not doing so. I know that I'll meet my guy at some point, but beyond that is anyone's guess. I much rather take the chance of meeting him rather than always be thinking "what if...?"

Good luck!

I've had an online relationship, and trust me, it was awful. You become emotionally attached to someone you don't even know or have never seen, and that is not present for you. And then things happen, and we get separated. And it hurts, just like any other kind of relationship. But the chances for not working out are much bigger than any normal relationship. So, what you are going on is completely normal. It is super ok to have these doubdts. Trust me, you are fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
And you will get over this. But if you would like an advice, just don't use online dating anymore

@Azwraith,

A lot of people who get involved in online relationships aren't on dating websites. I have never been on a dating website, but that doesn't stop me from meeting guys and having things progress. No, it isn't ideal, but it is what it is, and given that I live in a very rural area with limited options, I don't see it as a huge drawback. I rather have somebody special who isn't close rather than my pick of nobodies who do nothing special for me. As long as you're willing to accept it for what it is, then no worries. If you want it to be exactly like an offline relationship, that's where you run into troubles.

Thanks everyone. I actually met my friend here on pc. Lots of complications, we are both married so its an affair, we live about 5 states apart and we really want to meet, figuring out how is the problem. I asked for a divorce but backed off as my husband reacted in a scary way. I didnt ask because of my friend, there is a lot of history behind my husband and me that isnt good. Thus looking outside the marriage for love and attention.

Ok I'm changing my advice! If its an affair for both of you, I think its best to back off. Don't jump from one bad situation into an unknown one. Its one thing if you are both single and unattached, but both of you are married. I think that perhaps you should really think of letting this go.

I agree. But be it on a dating site, or not, I find online dating extremelly complicated. And that was what I wanted to point out.