[Lost513]

My husband and I did an open relationship back in 2011, and it didn't end well. He asked me to stop being with the person I was seeing a week before he came home, and I did not. I was mad because while deployed he made a fake account to talk to women. So he came home and our open relationship turned bad. I was to jealous to handle it after he had done things. So we started over just us. Well we were moved to Korea, and stayed there for 2 years. I had found a grind there and she had marital issues so she was at our place a lot. I had noticed looks and things, but when I would mention it they both denied it, and made me feel like ****. I came home to the states to set up our new home, and my decided to tell me the day my husband is to come home that they had an affair. It went on for 7 months. She would give me sleeping meds so they could sneak off and have sex, and I do not know what to do. He feels it was revenge for how our open relationship ended, and like a demon is gone from him. He will never do it again, and is sooooo sorry. I am so damaged, and can only think of them and all the possibilities my brain can imagine. We bought a house and moved to a new states, and the I find all this out. WTH am I supposed to do??????

[Travelinglady]

Hello, Lost513, and welcome to Psych Central! I am not sure what to make of this whole thing. Yes, you did continue a relationship after he asked you not to, but I think it was wrong of him to have a fling with a lady you considered to be your friend. And sleeping pills, of all things!

I honestly think I would move on. You don't trust him any more, and he doesn't trust you. You might ask him to go to counseling with you, though, and if he won't go, then go yourself. That's my take on it, anyway.

[Lost513]

He is trying so hard to get me back to normal. I told him that this is his opprrtunity to leave and do the single thing. That I would not want anything in the divorce, and I wouldn't keep our kids from him. He knows I can handle my own without him, but he is begging for me not to. I hate the idea of not being with him anymore, but I can not stop thinking about them. He asked about counseling, and we are going to try it.

[hvert]

Did he know that she was drugging you? That just takes it to a whole other level, imo. It's one thing to have an affair, something else entirely to let someone dope up your wife so you can sneak around. I really hope he didn't know or that your 'friend' was lying about that part.

[leggiera]

Did your husband know that your friend was giving you sleeping pills? Because like Hvert says, that's a whole new game.

Sounds like counseling is a good idea for the two of you.

[~Christina]

I agree with all the above posts..

The only thing I would add is that even while in couples therapy you also need a seperate Therapist to help you process what you are going through.

Ack they knocked you out .. that is scary what if you had a bad reaction or given too many ? How did they slip the medication into you ?

[Lost513]

I actually hady own prescription for the meds, but had ran out. She offered to give me hers until I got mine refilled. It would be 10-12pm and he or she would be like you need to take your meds or you will never get any sleep. So I would take it. I hope he didn't think yes she taking it so now I can go do this with her. he said he never though of it like that, but that it looks really bad and maybe his subconscious did.

[Lost513]

I would like to add we have been together sing we have been together since I was 14, and I am now 26. So its been a long hard road, but out right betrayal has never happened, and its still so new that I wanna take our 3 kids and leave on minute, but then the next I'm like, but I still have love for him, and he is an amazing partner help wise, and a crazy good father. He has always been caring, and helpful around the house. Never took for granted everything I have to do on a daily, and has always been respectful. SO I AM SO LOST!!

[hvert]

Okay, that drugging situation doesn't sound so nerve-wracking. Still bad, but I was imagining her slipping roofies into your bedtime tea!

That does sound like a difficult situation. It's hard to know what to do. Could you go visit family or friends for a week to sort of clear your head?

[Ducktapetherapy]

Wow! Getting drugged is very concerning! I am new here and look forward to learning from all of you. It helps me to know that i am not the only one that feels lost and confused at times. I look forward to hearing more.

~Ducktapetherapy