[Eddie Jericho]

Very frustrating thing and has been happening to me for quite a few years now. (I'm 30 now btw) I always seem to be looked at as a friend by females and not as someone they want to have a relationship with. I am very close to one female now and we get along great and I recently brought up to her that I'd like to try and see if there is more there. She gave me the "I dont want to screw up our friendship if things dont work out" line. Which may be the case, but makes me feel like I'm not worth even trying for. And what makes it harder is that she will flirt with me. Which makes me think maybe she is changing her mind, but then she acts upset if I bring up trying to have more with her. Am I crazy? Or is she messing with my head? The whole thing is frustrating.

[Maria116]

She's probably flirting because she knows you like her and the attention flatters her, but she doesn't want you (believe that). What she's doing is not cute, try paying her no mind.

[ChipperMonkey]

This is why it's not always adviseable to be the friend before dating. Yes, you've heard a million stories where the greatest romances come from the greatest friendships, but you also run the risk of being friend zoned early on. Since this is a pattern, stop making females your friends if you want to date them. Make your intentions clear from the beginning. Otherwise you'll end up wasting lots of time on women who want nothing more than friendship.

[hvert]

Chipper Monkey is right. To break this cycle, you have to stop becoming friends first. When you are attracted to a woman, let her know that you like her in a romantic (not platonic) way as soon as possible, before you head down the road of platonic friendship.

When a woman rejects that romantic interest, do not develop a platonic friendship with her in order to change her mind. Personally, I would take a six month break from the person to get over the crush before attempting a friendship (if I still wanted one at that point).

[Eddie Jericho]

Thanks guys. And Chipper Monkey, yes I've always heard, It's better to be friends first, but I agree with you, that just makes them friend zone you and then you have little chance to break out of that. Main problem is, I dont know if I like a person until I get to know them, and then by that point you've been labeled "friend only". I'll take the above advice and take some time away from her.

[Lemon Curd]

Dude ~~ She is not that into you.
Read the book. It's a great read.
Don't you want to be with someone who is totally into you?
She sure ain't.
You can't make someone love you.
Aren't you worth it?
I think you are.
That's just me.
*big friendship hug*

[Maria116]

I'm sure the author knows he's worth it. Right now he's just confused by mixed signals from this girl. He won't be for long though. :-)

[hvert]

Yeah, mixed signals aren't a sign you're crazy -- it's a sign to run for the hills

[ChipperMonkey]

Well, if you must get to know someone first, may I suggest getting to know them rather quickly as opposed to dragging things out? That is, don't send friendship signals from the very beginning as this lays the groundwork for a friendship and oftentimes when this happens, a female will only look at you as a friend. I hate to say it, but a woman oftentimes knows from the get-go whether or not a guy is going to be only a friend or if she sees him in a sexual light. If she thought of you in a relationship sort of way from the beginning, she wouldn't have any problems jumping from a friendship into a relationship. When a female says that she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, take that to mean that she doesn't see you as a partner and doesn't have those sorts of feelings for you. And some people are just naturally flirty with everyone, even if they don't have those sorts of feelings for the other person. I realize that it takes you awhile before you can tell if you really like someone, but given that you've been repeatedly friend-zoned, perhaps it is time to try something a bit different. It IS ok to date someone for awhile before you figure out if you really like them. Dating is sort of the getting to know you stage of the relationship, and people don't date with the intention of making a friend. All it takes is that one little spark of interest in her, maybe you like something about her personality, her looks, how she's kind, how you two have things in common, really, whatever. Its not necessary to definitely decide that you *LIKE* someone before dating them and getting to know them.

[ladytiger]

Interesting. My bf and I started out as friends before we became serious which helped us get to know one another in the beginning. He told me he wanted to date me and it took me 3 months to say yes to him.

[Butterfly443000]

I'm a fan of believing that if it were going to really work out, it will work from the start. You will find someone that wants to be with you as soon as they meet you. Keep your chin up