[Personally Me]

Hi,

It has been a week, struggling with not knowing if my longterm boyfriend is coming home or not. This has happened before and we did get get back together, but now? Trying to cope with both outcomes.

Either way, I need to learn to take care of myself and find a forum to talk through my feelings and get some advice and support.

When, it happened this time...I texted him every day last week and I have said all I can every which way. The last text, I asked him to answer a few questions for us...What do you really want? What is really important to you? If you could have it your way, what would you like to see happen.

I love him and believes he loves me but we handle life issues in such childish manners. During the texts he said...He gives up and to keep the apartment.

It's so difficult not to text him again but I know I have to and I need support, so I don't. I am in so much pain, anxiety, insecurity and scared.

There is so much more to how this all happened but I just want to reach out, right now! Need support and feedback.
!
Thank you

[LookingforCalm]

I'm so sorry. As someone who is not only divorced, but has recently broken up with someone - I know how hard this is right now.

I hope you are OK...

[SmileHere]

Hey, sorry to hear this has been happening to you...

When you say you texted him every day, did he text back, or did he initiate texts too?
Maybe he was just overwhelmed with all the texts and the questions? But you were trying to do your best to clarify things...

Maybe focus on how relieved you'll be when you'll just know...?

The first time around, was there another woman involved? Or did you figure out why it happened? Maybe you can learn from that situation?

[~Christina]

First don't try to fix a relationship via text.... It never ends well.

You need to both sit down after a few days of NO contact . Agree to meet up someplace neutral.

You both need to know what is wrong with your relationship and if you both want to fix the problems.

I hope you can work things out.

[Ilostmyguntoday]

So, I agree with Christina's first point, text messages are the devils work when you are trying to have a serious conversation. Messages can and moreover, probably are, misconstrued as they can be read in many different ways and unfortunately skewed by the 'reader's' mood at the time. I have fallen fowl of this a few times. I'm am definitely no expert here but just try and call him, face to face is even better.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Personally Me]

He came home to talk, yesterday...

You were right, he was overwhelmed by all the texts and questions. And taking in the negative texts, ignoring the positive ones, until he was able to calm down.

I am very relieved to know he is not giving up and not cancelling our lease. We are going to talk again but he wouldn't commit to a time or day. I looked at him puzzled and he told me that he was busy today with repairs with help from his nephew. He was maybe a little puzzled thinking I was trying to LIMIT him to a time and day...he said he should be able to come and go as he pleases, it's his home.

There wasn't another woman involved in that way. His ex wife has been doing things to interrupt our days and I didn't take it well, after a while.

I always knew what happened. I was not upset with him, I was annoyed with his Ex for telling him sudden plans for him to stay with the children overnight, when I expected him home. It was the third time, it happened this month, since we moved into our new place. I ended up fighting with him, when it wasn't about us. I always agree that he has to stay over night for his children..I just do not like the way it is done.

I really want to learn off this and not feel like I am being neglected and starting a fight. It's like I am playing right into her hands...she wants to cause fiction between us and I let it happen.

[Personally Me]

Originally Posted by LookingforCalm

I'm so sorry. As someone who is not only divorced, but has recently broken up with someone - I know how hard this is right now.

I hope you are OK...

Thank you for your words of comfort...
He came home to talk, yesterday.
I am hope, now. I know he wants me to think about if I really want this. He says he doesn't know which is the real me...how I am now or when I am angry...As in how I really feel.

He has small children that are reliant on him and it will be that way. I have grown children and going on to grandchildren. This is mostly what he is worried about. Different stages of our lives.

[Personally Me]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

First don't try to fix a relationship via text.... It never ends well.

You need to both sit down after a few days of NO contact . Agree to meet up someplace neutral.

You both need to know what is wrong with your relationship and if you both want to fix the problems.

I hope you can work things out.

I did stop texting on Monday, leaving that last text for him to think about. He showed up on Thursday and we talked.

During the text fight...I mentioned meeting in a neutral place, but he was offended at the time, thinking I didn't want him home.

[Personally Me]

Originally Posted by Ilostmyguntoday

So, I agree with Christina's first point, text messages are the devils work when you are trying to have a serious conversation. Messages can and moreover, probably are, misconstrued as they can be read in many different ways and unfortunately skewed by the 'reader's' mood at the time. I have fallen fowl of this a few times. I'm am definitely no expert here but just try and call him, face to face is even better.

I wish you the best of luck.

I am absolutely done with text quarrels, we have done this many times and it most always makes things worse.

After our talk, I told him that I am not going to text him, even thought we are talking, now. I won't and don't know if he will text me to let me know when he is coming home to talk or if he is just going to pop in. If he does and I am not home, what then? I guess he will have to figure that out.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Personally Me

He came home to talk, yesterday...

You were right, he was overwhelmed by all the texts and questions. And taking in the negative texts, ignoring the positive ones, until he was able to calm down.

I am very relieved to know he is not giving up and not cancelling our lease. We are going to talk again but he wouldn't commit to a time or day. I looked at him puzzled and he told me that he was busy today with repairs with help from his nephew. He was maybe a little puzzled thinking I was trying to LIMIT him to a time and day...he said he should be able to come and go as he pleases, it's his home.

There wasn't another woman involved in that way. His ex wife has been doing things to interrupt our days and I didn't take it well, after a while.

I always knew what happened. I was not upset with him, I was annoyed with his Ex for telling him sudden plans for him to stay with the children overnight, when I expected him home. It was the third time, it happened this month, since we moved into our new place. I ended up fighting with him, when it wasn't about us. I always agree that he has to stay over night for his children..I just do not like the way it is done.

I really want to learn off this and not feel like I am being neglected and starting a fight. It's like I am playing right into her hands...she wants to cause fiction between us and I let it happen.

My therapist actually advises against the 'nesting' types of visitation, I agree. Just couldn't find a way, myself. Eventually, circumstances have created an environment where visits do not happen in my home.
Main concern is, it really does a number on the kids perception of their divorced parents. Gives them no sense of finality of the marital union. Actually, it's unhealthy. I get more and more try to shield kids from divorce, who wants to be the non agreeable divorced couple,right? Yet,gives kids false senses of hope.
On an adult perspective, gives a lack of privacy, and then some.