[Brasucasulu]

My friend's little brother is giving him a hard time.
They used to be very close and he always helped his brother to get jobs and a better life. His brother became quite wealthy over the years and now he seems to forgot all waht his bro has done for him.
My friend is having difficulties as he just went through a divorce and some other personal problems. He asked his bro for help but he's ignoring my friend.
His brother became very selfish and it is a self-absorbed person. He wasn't like that before. He only speaks about his expensive cars, that he's gonna buy this or that car, that his bought LV shoes, Prada shoes or that he's been to this or that expensive hotels.
What advice can I give my friend? He's devasted with the fact that his own brother, who he always help ignoring him now.

[healingme4me]

Sorry your friend is struggling with the loss of a brotherly bond. Sometimes family members don't like lending money. Sometimes, people who brag are in their own financial crisis.

Learning about emotionally detaching, would be my advice.

Can your friend find other means to financially soften his situation?

[Brasucasulu]

He is not really on financial crisis. He is trying to get a different job on another town, because he doesn't want to be close tomhis ex wife. His brother could help him if he wanted, but he doesn't. I think his bro is a bullsh**ter and he does have money but he isn't as rich as he pretends to be.
What do you advice me? I don't want to make my friend upset telling him exactly what I think of his bro.

Thanks

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Brasucasulu

My friend's little brother is giving him a hard time.
They used to be very close and he always helped his brother to get jobs and a better life. His brother became quite wealthy over the years and now he seems to forgot all waht his bro has done for him.
My friend is having difficulties as he just went through a divorce and some other personal problems. He asked his bro for help but he's ignoring my friend.
His brother became very selfish and it is a self-absorbed person. He wasn't like that before. He only speaks about his expensive cars, that he's gonna buy this or that car, that his bought LV shoes, Prada shoes or that he's been to this or that expensive hotels.
What advice can I give my friend? He's devasted with the fact that his own brother, who he always help ignoring him now.

Unfortunately it seems that is what wealth can do to people, either that or his brother was just being deceptive all along and just using the help without really appreciating it...so doesn't give a damn about that maybe without his brothers help he might not have got all that 'success'. I think this is sad, hopefully his brother will learn to appreciate eventually....

I guess the most you can do is try to be supportive, let him know its reasonable to feel that way....I'd be pretty hurt if my brother who I try and help out did that to me but I doubt he would at worst we just argue sometimes. Unfortunately not much either of you can do to have his brother change his ways and quit ignoring him.

[lilypup]

Nobody really owes anybody any money unless it was a loan. If your friend helped his brother out, it would be NICE if he would return the favor, but he may be a jerk and just not do it. This is life. Forget about the brother and help your friend figure out his situation without the brother. I'd limit contact with this brother.

[Brasucasulu]

I feel for my friend. I told him to limit contact with his bro and stop feeding his "nouveau riche" behavior. I think this guys a serious problem. He lies a lot about what he has, because although he has money he need to show that he has even more. I'm trying to get to involved, but sometimes I wish I can post some comments on his fake FB pictures about traveling in private jets, which I know isn't true. Shame in him.

[ifst5]

I hate to play devils advocate but is this brother really obliged to help anyone with anything? That's not how life works i'm afraid. Your friend can be comforted by the fact that he's a better person and did as much as he could for his brother - but if he's brothers success is genuine it was still his own. Your friend simply helped him. Most successful people have help along the way. I would also urge caution about assuming too much in regards to their relationship - no one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors and for all you know his brother could have an exceptionally good reason for keeping his distance. For now i wouldn't involved yourself too much - help and support your friend as much as possible but keep in mind that ultimately this is really none of your concern.

[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by ifst5

I hate to play devils advocate but is this brother really obliged to help anyone with anything? That's not how life works i'm afraid. Your friend can be comforted by the fact that he's a better person and did as much as he could for his brother - but if he's brothers success is genuine it was still his own. Your friend simply helped him. Most successful people have help along the way. I would also urge caution about assuming too much in regards to their relationship - no one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors and for all you know his brother could have an exceptionally good reason for keeping his distance. For now i wouldn't involved yourself too much - help and support your friend as much as possible but keep in mind that ultimately this is really none of your concern.

I know my friend long enough to believe that what his saying is true. He offered me his hand in difficult times without asking anything in return. I also met his bro and saw his arrogant behavior and they way he treats people that he believes are below him. I'm not gonna intervene because at the end of the day, that guys is still his brother and I'm only a friend. However, I think that supporting my friend isn't a bad thing, and I will always be there for him.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Brasucasulu

He is not really on financial crisis. He is trying to get a different job on another town, because he doesn't want to be close tomhis ex wife. His brother could help him if he wanted, but he doesn't. I think his bro is a bullsh**ter and he does have money but he isn't as rich as he pretends to be.
What do you advice me? I don't want to make my friend upset telling him exactly what I think of his bro.

Thanks

I was trying to express that sometimes those that brag about finances, can sometimes be the ones with their own emotional crisis. My apologies if it didn't write out to read that way.

Guiding towards emotional detachment is still my personal recommendation. It is about 'mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and ... integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons.' http://www.sciencedaily.com/articles...detachment.htm

It's perhaps better to err on the side of not giving personal opinion about another's family member, and better to be more a sounding board.

Your friend may find their stressors more alleviated once moved further from their ex, and hopefully your friend obtains different employment.

The request a loan idea, isn't too far fetched, with a written contract.
Perhaps avoiding fb can help?

[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I was trying to express that sometimes those that brag about finances, can sometimes be the ones with their own emotional crisis. My apologies if it didn't write out to read that way.

Guiding towards emotional detachment is still my personal recommendation. It is about 'mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and ... integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons.' Emotional detachment

It's perhaps better to err on the side of not giving personal opinion about another's family member, and better to be more a sounding board.

Your friend may find their stressors more alleviated once moved further from their ex, and hopefully your friend obtains different employment.

The request a loan idea, isn't too far fetched, with a written contract.
Perhaps avoiding fb can help?

That's an amazing reply! Thanks so much. Everything you mention is so true. FB can be a terrible thing when I comes to personal problems. I'm sure my friend will move on with his life. I don't think a loan would be an option for him. He works with his ex and this makes things so difficult for him. I think he need to get over his brother issue and look for options.

Thank you so much.

[healingme4me]

Thanks.

That stinks working with an ex. Glad my work circle to my own ex is different.

Fb has some positives, yet, so many intricate negatives.

Hope all goes well.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by ifst5

I hate to play devils advocate but is this brother really obliged to help anyone with anything? That's not how life works i'm afraid. Your friend can be comforted by the fact that he's a better person and did as much as he could for his brother - but if he's brothers success is genuine it was still his own. Your friend simply helped him. Most successful people have help along the way. I would also urge caution about assuming too much in regards to their relationship - no one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors and for all you know his brother could have an exceptionally good reason for keeping his distance. For now i wouldn't involved yourself too much - help and support your friend as much as possible but keep in mind that ultimately this is really none of your concern.

I think family should always help each other unless there is good reason not to. So yeah I think the brother in this case is obligated to help but that is how me and some of my family is it would be something to be ashamed of to be in a position to help but not to. Don't help people with the expectation they return the favor....however I say when one forgets to acknowledge help they got along the way and lets their 'success' go to their head then they have lost them-self.

[Brasucasulu]

I met my friend this weekend and he is feeling a little better. I got to the conclusion that his brother is an idiot.

[Koko2]

Why is your friend feeling better? Because he no longer feels the need to ask for help from his brother?

[Brasucasulu]

No, it is because he decided to keep some distance of him. I think he was in shock with his bro behavior, now he just accepted the situation. I guess