[KaceFace]

So my boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up. We have been together for 2 and a half years.

For the past few months I have been complaining to him that his feelings for me aren't as strong as they used to be or that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. I kept telling him that his feelings for me were declining but he kept denying it however, he just started to see everything for himself and agree with me a few days ago. He said that he doesn't know what's going on in his head. He said this has been a gradual, progressional thing and doesn't know where his feelings went, he doesn't know why they are not as strong. He said he had been trying to get them back but he doesn't know why they are not returning. So this past week we have barely been talking and I have been giving him his space and time to figure things out and organize his thoughts and feelings.

I have also been trying to make sense of things and I think I have figured out why everything went down hill. This past year my boyfriend and I have been through several stressful situations that would put a strain on any relationship. Last October I found out I was pregnant and had an abortion. After that I was having problems with his new friends not liking me. Then he got kicked out of his house (he was staying with his parents at the time) and was having trouble finding a place to stay. After that he was in between job locations and jobs for a few months. I think that through all of these stressful situations we both forgot how to love each other the right way. We forgot why we fell in love and how to care for each other. I also forgot how to take care of myself. After the abortion I just wanted him all to myself. I wanted all of his attention and focus on me and the stuff that he used to do for me just wasn't enough anymore. I feel like we both kind of just shut down and stopped actually trying even though we thought we were. I think all my neediness and clinginess took a bigger toll on him than we both realized because it just wasn't enough and he's the kind of guy that wants to fix things himself and wants to take care of me. But when he feels like he can't do those things he doesn't know what to do. He just shuts down.

But we can learn to love again, right? We can learn and remember and fix things. I feel like we can learn to love and care the right way and remember why we fell in love and remember what is really important to us in this relationship.

Sorry this is so long, but does any one have any thoughts or advice on this? Has anyone been through a similar situation?

[salmoncheddar]

It's inexplicable, but sometimes either one or both individuals in a couple "fall out of love" , which I've always found to be really sad. However, in my current relationship, I'm taking the stand that love takes a lot of hard work for both parties, that it's a decision to stay together and work through your differences, and trudge through the bad times and enjoy the good times together.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but I do feel that there is no harm giving your relationship another chance. Have a good long talk with him, tell him how you feel and ask him whether he is willing to make the relationship work with you. It will take a lot of effort, and you must be careful not to fall back into old habits (for example being too needy).

But after all if you love him and do want to spend your life with him, you would want someone who could be there to give you support while you're coping with something as stressful as an abortion. Remind each other that although the situation may look miserable now it will pass. I hope this helps!!

[hvert]

In my experience, the 'love' we feel in the first year or so of a relationship is often giddy, energetic, ebullient. As time goes by, it's hard to sustain that. Things settle down.

I think it is easy to mistake that settling down for a sign that something is wrong, when really it is just a natural progression in a relationship.

I hope you two can work things out. I found it really helpful to talk to other people who had been in long term relationships.

[KaceFace]

Do you think that two people can learn to love the right way?

We're going to talk tonight or tomorrow. He's going to call me and I'm going to tell him all of this. Whether he agrees with me and is willing to work to fix it, is up to him. I'm terrified that he isn't going to see it the way I do and is just going to come to the conclusion that we need to break up.

[NWgirl2013]

I agree 100% with hvert, and who ever said relationships aren't work? You clearly need to know if both of you are willing to put in the work.

All the sunshine & rainbows, the lust, the companionship....it takes work to keep that going. Infatuation with love, with each other, with being a couple, it wears off in time. That is normal. People who think the rules don't apply to them in this are kidding themselves.
Being in a relationship is not for sissies. It is when the stresses of real life test you as individuals and as a couple, that you see how strong the love really is.

Relationships don't solve problems, not usually. They create more, so yes please, talk to yourself, and then talk to him about what your real expectations are.
Were you thinking he would be the last relationship you would ever be in, are you hoping for marriage or future children or what exactly? If you both want the same things, perhaps you have a chance, but it is critical that you can each communicate this to the other. Talk talk talk to each other. IMHO Most guys need (can tolerate) about 1/10th the talk time women do, so keep that in mind. Be super clear in your own thoughts & feelings before you attempt this conversation. Then listen very hard to what he says.
I wish you the very best of luck as you work through this....

[KaceFace]

Yes for the past 2 and a half years we have been completely committed to each other. We planned on moving in together, getting married and having a future. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. But when I asked him if that's still what he wanted he said he didn't know. He said before he wouldn't hesitate to say yes, but now he's not sure because we've done so much fighting and he thinks we can't be truly happy. But I truly believe that after all the stressful situations we've been through we just forgot how to love and be happy the right way. But I think we can get it back if we both want to try and start over.